I so appreciate everyone's comments from my last post. Blogland is such a great, supportive place. I can always count on you guys for honesty and awesome feedback. I really thing all of you have helped keep ttwd going for Fireman & I.
There were a few that really made me realize an issue that I think might be going on. I think at some times, it comes down to a power struggle. In that moment of an argument or disagreement, I don't want to let go. I don't want to give him all the power (or even 51% lol). In that moment, I am not proud of who I am... at all.. but it happens. I have since realized that I need to remember that I'm the one that introduced ttwd to him. I am the one who wanted it a little over a year ago. Probably even before that... but that's when I was courageous enough to bring it up.
Maybe now that I see that giving him the confidence will only help increase his consistency, I'll be able to give up all my head games and just submit like I want to. I certainly don't want him to feel like I don't want to give him my submission. I really, really, really do. I trust him with everything. I have told him that, but I want him to know I mean it. I realize that he will never know I mean it if I try to regain the control in any situations.
Thanks again Blogland friends!
xo,
Elle
Elle,
ReplyDeleteI love the way blog land friends are right there to catch you and support you. You can do this.
Meredith
Me too. Thanks Mere!!
DeleteI do agree blog lands friends are the best. Submission is not easy, so it is nice to have others you can turn to who will understand.
ReplyDeletehugs abby
That is so true. It's not easy :) but worth it! ;)
DeleteNow Elle don't be too hard on yourself either right? I know you have been doing ttwd for over a year, but things take time and we all stumble. It isn't always our first instinct to let go. As much as we desire to, it is very difficult. And heck just to make life fun, when we think we have it all figured out, something changes in one of the two of us and we Trip again. LOL. The good news is communication is there to help us get through.
ReplyDeleteMeredith is right, you can do this. Just make sure you tell FM where you desire to be. How you desire to be. How you don't want to take away his confidence, it is just that at times your default is to say no. Maybe he will find a new way to help you through.
Now go and get that butt spanked ! *wink* I kid.
willie
Haha, thanks Willie ;)
DeleteI feel that way too about the anything anytime subject and I make sure to tell my SM that so he knows it! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm working on that communication. It's tricky! I'm a good listener... But I'm working on being able to say it all!
DeleteThanks QS!
Hooray, Elle! Yay for such a great moment of realization. What you and he have together is special and just for you. What you two create together is right!
ReplyDeleteSometimes the power struggles happen because we're afraid what will happen when we let go. Who knows? Maybe you'll like what happens next. :)
I think you're right :)
DeleteHi Elle,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I didn't make it to comment on your previous post. I just read it and this one together.
I'm so glad writing the post and the feedback you received helped you come to some realisations. This place is wonderful for figuring things out isn't it :)
Hugs,
Roz
It definitely is!!!
DeleteWhat an awesome moment for you realize this. It takes a lot. I know, because i'm not quite there yet myself. I want to be, but it's tricky... so good for you, it's awesome! :)
ReplyDeleteIt is very tricky! But I love it :)
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