*sort of long post warning..*
It seems as though Fireman has found his stride. And I am thankful for it. His confidence has returned, like it was when we first began this journey (and he was beginning to get wayyyy more blowjobs, lol). Then it kind of went away. He started second guessing and even though I was reassuring
He is trusting himself more, I think. He has my trust fully, too, and I think he is aware of it. There is nothing I wouldn't do if he asked (and I'm not only meaning that in a sexual way!). I've told him repeatedly- and even once this morning that he has my trust. I trust him to do the best for us, me, and our family.
We had a fantastic weekend. Friday night was great, then Saturday morning we stayed in bed as long as possible. I had a few things to do Saturday, then we ended up on the couch enjoying the evening with each other. Sunday morning was about the same... We stayed as long as possible until we got ready for church.
We got in the car and I had sort of forgotten about one little thing...getting gas in my car. I remembered as soon as I looked over at him-- lovingly, because he looks so hot in nice clothes-- and he was looking at the gas gauge. Damn you, Yukon! Why can't you have some sort of backup reserve to save me in these situations?!
I know what FM will think when he reads that part. I'd just use that all up too and try to get by with it.
He looked over at me "You know what that means."
Shit. And I seriously doubt he'll forget this time. Which I'm glad about. I wanted this, the whole thing. He's been doing great and I'm not going to say a word.. I tried to argue in a cute little way, not serious at all. He just gave me the HoH look. It was hot and (good)scary at the same time :)
We had a great day together, I fixed dinner, he helped me clean up the kitchen. He reminded me about later "don't forget we've moved Monday maintenance to tonight, but you're also in trouble for the gas." "So you didn't forget," I teased. "No, I didn't forget." ::sexy HoH face again::
I got everything ready for the next day, while he put the baby in his bed. #1&2 had gone to their bed a little while earlier.
"I'm going to get a shower real quick if that's okay with you."
"Well, I just thought I'd go ahead so we can watch The Walking Dead and then do everything else."
"Yes, you'll be in bed by 10:30. That's bedtime," he reminded.
"I know, I know."
After my shower, we watched our show and the previews for next week. (crazy, if anyone watches TWD!) He told me to go to our room and I went after we talked about nothing for a few minutes.
I was half waiting for him to come in, when I realized I needed to get my pants and panties off and get into position. That's how Monday goes and if this is half-maintenance/half-punishment, that's what I should do.
I found my spot and waited. I heard him go up to check on the kids.. and I waited. At first I wasn't in the kneeling mood, but the longer I waited, the more I got into it. I do love kneeling on the little stool across the bed for him. It does make me wonder if he likes it too..
After a few minutes, he came in. "Making me wait, huh?"
"Well, it is punishment." He really is on top of his HoH game. He started with the guitar strap thing and wow. He really can make it sting sometimes. Are you guys sure leather is better??
Then, it happened. One strike kind of got away from him and hit harder than usual, harder than he intended. I kinda shrieked out... and he immediately said he apologized for that. I was glad my face was buried.. tears immediately filled my eyes. He only used the strap once more (I think), then used the hairbrush a few.
It wasn't really that bad.. but it took me by surprise. I needed a few minutes to process. "You're finished with your punishment," and he rubbed my back for a while and rubbed my behind. I was still a little stunned.
I got up and he handed me my pants, but I kept my head down. I didn't want him to see the watery eyes for fear that he would freak out. We've never done the spanked to tears thing. He's never suggested or tried, we've barely even talked about it.
"We're going to do maintenance tomorrow since we didn't really get to today."
"Okay," I said, head still down. "I need to go brush my teeth."
I wiped my face, brushed my teeth, and steadied myself for a second. I got in bed and he got in right behind me, snuggling me up tight. I was still processing, but once I finally fell asleep, I slept great.
This morning, he was already gone by the time I woke up. I got #1 off to school and came in to text him, like I always do.
I had some time to think about everything. I wasn't mad, I wasn't hurt. The accidentally-too-hard strike wasn't really even that bad. It only extra stung for a minute. It made me realize that I've had it pretty easy compared to others and at times, much easier than I deserve.
We texted about it. He thought I was weird last night because we didn't have sex after, but I told him that wasn't it. He told me that extra-tiredness just hit him right before he told me to go get ready, but he didn't want to postpone the punishment. I let him know that I was very proud of him for that and how well he's being doing lately.
I told him I was just weird because of the one strike (which I don't know what else I can call it...) and he said he wanted to address that. He told me he wanted to make punishment different than maintenance and wanted to make sure I understood the difference. I told him I did, that the way he stood instead of sat, and that it was less fun, more intense than regular maintenance.
He told me he really was sorry and I told him I wasn't mad at all, then I reiterated how much I trust him. We talked about spanking to tears, but he said he didn't want to hurt me. I told him that from what I'd read, it was not from the pain. He said he understood the need for an emotional release, but he's still unsure. So tell me about blogfamily. Who spanks to tears and why? How is it different from not?
All I know is.. I can't wait until he gets home from the firestation this evening. I can't wait for maintenance and every/anything that comes after ;)
Hope everyone has a good evening!