Monday, November 25, 2013

The weekend & another punishment!

*sort of long post warning..*

It seems as though Fireman has found his stride. And I am thankful for it. His confidence has returned, like it was when we first began this journey (and he was beginning to get wayyyy more blowjobs, lol). Then it kind of went away. He started second guessing and even though I was reassuring sometimes, it just hadn't clicked back into place. Until now. 

He is trusting himself more, I think. He has my trust fully, too, and I think he is aware of it. There is nothing I wouldn't do if he asked (and I'm not only meaning that in a sexual way!). I've told him repeatedly- and even once this morning that he has my trust. I trust him to do the best for us, me, and our family. 

We had a fantastic weekend. Friday night was great, then Saturday morning we stayed in bed as long as possible. I had a few things to do Saturday, then we ended up on the couch enjoying the evening with each other. Sunday morning was about the same... We stayed as long as possible until we got ready for church. 

We got in the car and I had sort of forgotten about one little thing...getting gas in my car. I remembered as soon as I looked over at him-- lovingly, because he looks so hot in nice clothes-- and he was looking at the gas gauge. Damn you, Yukon! Why can't you have some sort of backup reserve to save me in these situations?! 

I know what FM will think when he reads that part. I'd just use that all up too and try to get by with it. 

He looked over at me "You know what that means."
Shit. And I seriously doubt he'll forget this time. Which I'm glad about. I wanted this, the whole thing. He's been doing great and I'm not going to say a word.. I tried to argue in a cute little way, not serious at all. He just gave me the HoH look. It was hot and (good)scary at the same time :) 

We had a great day together, I fixed dinner, he helped me clean up the kitchen. He reminded me about later "don't forget we've moved Monday maintenance to tonight, but you're also in trouble for the gas." "So you didn't forget," I teased. "No, I didn't forget." ::sexy HoH face again::
I got everything ready for the next day, while he put the baby in his bed. #1&2 had gone to their bed a little while earlier. 

"I'm going to get a shower real quick if that's okay with you."
"Of course."
"Well, I just thought I'd go ahead so we can watch The Walking Dead and then do everything else."
"Yes, you'll be in bed by 10:30. That's bedtime," he reminded. 
"I know, I know.

After my shower, we watched our show and the previews for next week. (crazy, if anyone watches TWD!) He told me to go to our room and I went after we talked about nothing for a few minutes.  

I was half waiting for him to come in, when I realized I needed to get my pants and panties off and get into position.  That's how Monday goes and if this is half-maintenance/half-punishment, that's what I should do.  

I found my spot and waited.  I heard him go up to check on the kids.. and I waited.  At first I wasn't in the kneeling mood, but the longer I waited, the more I got into it.  I do love kneeling on the little stool across the bed for him.  It does make me wonder if he likes it too.. 

After a few minutes, he came in. "Making me wait, huh?" 
"Well, it is punishment." He really is on top of his HoH game. He started with the guitar strap thing and wow.  He really can make it sting sometimes.  Are you guys sure leather is better?? 

Then, it happened.  One strike kind of got away from him and hit harder than usual, harder than he intended.  I kinda shrieked out... and he immediately said he apologized for that.  I was glad my face was buried.. tears immediately filled my eyes. He only used the strap once more (I think), then used the hairbrush a few.  

It wasn't really that bad.. but it took me by surprise.  I needed a few minutes to process.  "You're finished with your punishment," and he rubbed my back for a while and rubbed my behind.  I was still a little stunned.  

I got up and he handed me my pants, but I kept my head down.  I didn't want him to see the watery eyes for fear that he would freak out.  We've never done the spanked to tears thing.  He's never suggested or tried, we've barely even talked about it.  

"We're going to do maintenance tomorrow since we didn't really get to today."
"Okay," I said, head still down. "I need to go brush my teeth."

I wiped my face, brushed my teeth, and steadied myself for a second.  I got in bed and he got in right behind me, snuggling me up tight.  I was still processing, but once I finally fell asleep, I slept great.  

This morning, he was already gone by the time I woke up.  I got #1 off to school and came in to text him, like I always do. 

I had some time to think about everything.  I wasn't mad, I wasn't hurt.  The accidentally-too-hard strike wasn't really even that bad.  It only extra stung for a minute.  It made me realize that I've had it pretty easy compared to others and at times, much easier than I deserve. 

We texted about it.  He thought I was weird last night because we didn't have sex after, but I told him that wasn't it.  He told me that extra-tiredness just hit him right before he told me to go get ready, but he didn't want to postpone the punishment.  I let him know that I was very proud of him for that and how well he's being doing lately.  

I told him I was just weird because of the one strike (which I don't know what else I can call it...) and he said he wanted to address that.  He told me he wanted to make punishment different than maintenance and wanted to make sure I understood the difference.  I told him I did, that the way he stood instead of sat, and that it was less fun, more intense than regular maintenance.  

He told me he really was sorry and I told him I wasn't mad at all, then I reiterated how much I trust him. We talked about spanking to tears, but he said he didn't want to hurt me.  I told him that from what I'd read, it was not from the pain.  He said he understood the need for an emotional release, but he's still unsure.  So tell me about blogfamily.  Who spanks to tears and why? How is it different from not? 

All I know is.. I can't wait until he gets home from the firestation this evening. I can't wait for maintenance and every/anything that comes after ;)

Hope everyone has a good evening! 


  1. We don't do it often but we have done it. Recently he brought me to tears to try and resolve angry feelings I was having and how I wasn't able to get past them. Though he didn't discuss it with me first, I had a feeling he was going to do it. After I was crying I asked him if he was mad at me... since I wasn't 100% sure why he did it, I mean I thought I knew but I just wasn't sure. Anyway... I can't say I would look forward to that but sometimes I wonder if it would be more effective if we did it. Ugh... this is all like trying to psychoanalyze or something at times isn't it? I think you won't know for sure until you give it a go. Try it once (if he agrees to it) and see how you feel afterwards (better/worse/the same?)

    1. Thanks QS! I'm a little hesitant to try it. He's not great at lecturing and I know that's what it would take, along with the spanking.

  2. Elle,
    Jack has never spanked me to tears, but last night I bolted up off the bed and he caught me and asked just where I thought I was going. I told him the paddle really hurt and he said we are not finished. Back over I went, and tears were close. Crying is not his goal, but a stinging backside is. I am glad you talked it out.

    1. That is FM's goal too at the moment!
      We had times like that in the beginning, when we were learning about the implements we had. The belt does NOT work for us. He says I don't have enough "real estate" back there and it's too hard to not hit the exact same spot over and over. I had a few of those bolting up moments too.

  3. We have been doing ttwd for a little over three years. When I am being punished, I will always be spanked to tears. At the time it is happening, I am not happy about it, but when it is over, and I have had that release, I feel so much closer to Gud. I also want to know that if I do something wrong, it will be much more than the reminder. I want it to be severe enough that I actually WANT to not have another for that same thing. I WANT to change that behavior. There is so much resolution in crying to tears, for me. Maintenance and reminders do not always bring me to tears, but have at times. Much of the time, the tears are flowing before the pain is brining the tears, from a repentant spirit. I want to be the very best wife and mother I can be, and the punishment to tears is what helps me go past the bratting stage or repeat offenses. He also does not like hurting me, but he also is learning what it is I need to feel that I have been punished. Maintenance or reminders are often "exciting" for me and I need the punishment to be beyond the excitement. Every relationship is different, and that is what is so great about ttwd....

  4. As punishment, I am always spanked to tears. For me, the crying is a release, it is a repentant spirit (not just from the pain). Maintenance/reminders are not spank to tears, even though I do, at times. When we began ttwd just over three years ago, we discussed this topic and Gud felt it would need to be. At first, I wasn't so sure. After my first punishment spanking, and yes, I cried, I felt so much release and calm afterwards. I am a bit stubborn and I really want to be the best wife and mother I can be. I need my punishments to be severe enough that I do NOT want a repeat offense. I have shared this with my HoH. When I cried and he saw the marks, he also struggles with not wanting to hurt me. He has done a wonderful job, putting those feelings aside, and giving me what I need to actually not brat or repeat the offense, but change my actions. Another reason I need the punishment to be more severe is that I get "excited" most of the time with a maintenance/reminder. With the punishment, the excitement comes a little later, rather than immediately! (like 30 minutes to an hour) :) Just knowing that he is the HoH I need and that he is stepping up his game, makes him SOOO sexy to me and I feel such a closer bond with him.

    1. Thank you for your responses!
      I feel the same way. I don't want to have maintenance and punishment be the same. That's where we have went wrong in the past and we want to go forward!! That was definitely not working for us!

  5. I can't be spanked to tears with the physical. But I have cried when he has said the right things at the right time, and I am in the right frame of mind. I wish that pain ( I think I do) would bring me to tears, but it doesn't. I'm not wired that way I guess.

    As for r/a versus punishment, we had a long discussion, or many of them. We use different implements and positions during a punishment than we do with r/a. There isn't usually sex after a punishment either. Not because it confuses me, or it is part of the punishment but because I need time to process.
    Looks like you are taking the rights steps, and talking all the way.

    1. your reply showed up as a regular comment... it's just below this :)

  6. We are. I've learned from that in our first year of ttwd. We have to talk and communicate about what's going on. I generally get feedback the following morning of a spanking.
    I don't think I want the pain it would take for me to be in tears, so I'd much rather he use all resources (lecture) along with it!
    Thanks Willie!

  7. Hey Elle...Over the years, I have been spanked to tears but that was never the goal. When I was in trouble, I was usually in tears or close to it before the spanking began due to either my regret and/or the 'lecture' I had received.

    BTW...even someone who has practiced TTWD for years can strike the 'wrong' place or 'harder' than intended. Accidents happen to all of us.


    1. Thanks cat. Good to know it happens to everyone!!

  8. It sounds like that one strike was quite a shock but it's good you were able to address it. We don't intentionally do spanking to tears but it has happened. I had a similar situation to yours, it was my first punishment spanking and he took it too far and at the time I was so taken aback by it that I cried and cried that it'd gotten that far. Of course he felt terribly and it didn't happen again, but maybe that could be what you were feeling? Or maybe that was just me ;) Otherwise, it's the occasional crying from emotion but we don't use it as a measure, it just "happens." Either way, sounds like you two worked it out pretty well, so glad to hear it :)

    1. I think if it happens here, it will be just because it happens.. and not on purpose. I guess we will find out if/when I get in trouble next :)
      Thanks Riley!

  9. Hey Elle,

    With us spanking to tears is also not the goal but if it happens it happens. Usually, tears come from the words he uses and because of the emotions involved rather than the spanking itself. It depends on the situation ... the reason for the spanking. I do find a greater sense of release if I am able to cry.


    1. I can definitely see the feeling of release. I think it will be more words than anything else if it happens here also :)

  10. Firstly, Elle, I have great difficulty reading the "script" used in your comments, so I wondered if it could be a little bigger or another font?

    I wonder whether there is a difference in "spanking to tears" and "the need to be spanked to tears"? I know Dan doesn't set out to spank to tears; in fact he absolutely hates a discipline-type spanking when he spanks extra hard in order that I understand that he has drawn a line and I have crossed that line. However, I not only want intense spanking sessions, but I really, really need them. They just seem to rid me of all my fizzy attitude, and get my endorphins buzzing. I feel so good afterwards. He hugs and kisses me (even gently makes fun of me howling my head off, sometimes) and the afterglow is worth every single second of the pain.

    I know lots of wives around here tend not to cry very often, but these days I am much more easily brought to tears, especially if more than one implement is used, and even more so if there is no warm up. And when I know I am in the wrong, I start to cry almost after the first couple of spanks. Remorse I suppose.

    Another thing is, and I know Willie has remarked about this, and she gets a lot more spankings than I do (smirk!), I very rarely bruise unless I get "an exceptional" spanking such as the time with the belt. I suppose my behind has at last come to terms with what is regularly inflicted on it! LOL!

    I think if I were you I would just go with it, and see what happens. We're all different and there is nothing that says you have to cry every time! It's just that sometimes, that extra minute or two, can make all the difference to how we feel afterwards.

    Many hugs

    1. I'm having difficulty with it, too! My computer is being a pain and blogger won't let me change it. I will keep working on it. When I set it, I didn't realize comments would be in that font too.. so I do hope I can get it changed!!

      I think there probably is a difference. It's one thing to just set out to do it, but a complete other to *need* it.

      I hate the no warm up! It seems like that's how punishment is going to go here also..

      I'm all for just going with it. I'm not wanting to be in charge of this ship at all! You're right. That extra minute or two can make a big difference :)
      Thanks Ami!

  11. elle, i'm so glad it's all back on track! Yay! It seems you're both fitting into your 'roles' so perfectly!

    As for the spanking to tears thing, It's happened to us once or twice, and to be honest, I almost wish it happened more. The times it DID happen for me, it really wasn't from the pain at all, it was more the emotional mindset. At first I was really embarrassed for him to realize I was teary, but after I realized I shouldn't be ashamed of that, it was such an emotional release.

    I think it's an, "if it happens, it happens," kind of thing. :)