tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8001733756393901203.post7532016725211105983..comments2023-04-26T03:40:43.222-04:00Comments on Elle & Fireman's World: Breaking point.. part 2elle :)http://www.blogger.com/profile/15832857681848198913noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8001733756393901203.post-15549485624742034562013-08-22T13:19:07.965-04:002013-08-22T13:19:07.965-04:00You are worth it. I just want to say that first o...You are worth it. I just want to say that first of all. {{{HUGS}}} It sounds like you both need some reaffirmation of your love for each other. DD or not, you both feel very uncertain, and it might help if you both look for ways to show each other that you love them. Do you know each other's love languages? That might be a good place to start. Or doing something that he enjoys in the every day. It might be hard with how you are feeling to go out of your way to show him love, but it might help him show you love in return. I think he does want to work this out, and I think you do too, and as long as you're both fighting it together, you will come out on top. Maybe list a few things for him that you could hand over to him. A list of things that would help you feel more important. The pastor and his wife that gave us premarital counselling used to tell us that it wasn't even changing what we did sometimes, but the order in what we did them. If your kids need help with homework, his mom needs help with errands, his boss needs something picked up for the next day, and you need his comfort. It might be just him prioritizing when to do each, not leaving you until last. I'm not sure any of those help, but in case even one will, thought I'd share. {{{HUGS}}} And Elle, thank you for being so open and honest with us, I know it wasn't easy, but it sounds like it was something you needed to do.Es Mayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15862166523815621955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8001733756393901203.post-65196977828518842582013-08-21T11:08:15.250-04:002013-08-21T11:08:15.250-04:00You need to listen to what Missy and Willie have s...You need to listen to what Missy and Willie have said Elle. Such good advice. I'm right down there in that "sucky" place with you at the moment, so I'm not a lot of good. But I have listened to their advice too, and that is that I am not going to say another word about TTWD if I can help it. From now on, it's up to him! So I'm one week down and counting. <br /><br />I so hope you two can sort things out.<br /><br />Lots of hugs<br /><br />AmiAmi Starsonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01745610022591654541noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8001733756393901203.post-86424094437090815072013-08-19T13:57:15.241-04:002013-08-19T13:57:15.241-04:00Thanks so much, Willie. I can completely relate. Thanks so much, Willie. I can completely relate. elle :)https://www.blogger.com/profile/15832857681848198913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8001733756393901203.post-50966749467560386332013-08-19T11:08:26.609-04:002013-08-19T11:08:26.609-04:00Oh Missy! You are the best. Your comments and even...Oh Missy! You are the best. Your comments and even playing devil's advocate are always welcome. I need to look at it from different sides. Sometimes I get stuck and can only see it from my point. <br /><br />I had actually let the consistency thing go and he was doing marvelously at it. Our ttwd was just in a great rhythm until this happened. <br /><br />I think it is hard for him to plan sometimes. And instead of using one of our mothers, we actually got a real sitter. Now that we've found one and our kids love her, I think we will do that more often. It can only help! <br /><br />Thank you so much for your comment :) elle :)https://www.blogger.com/profile/15832857681848198913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8001733756393901203.post-82108053500997001862013-08-19T11:05:50.140-04:002013-08-19T11:05:50.140-04:00Elle, I have had, what I have referred to as the S...Elle, I have had, what I have referred to as the Summer of Suckiness. I was so far away from Barney at one point, I had removed my wedding ring. Trying everything seemed strained. I have written posts since that time, but I am working on a post on 'how' I came back. I shall send you a rough draft.<br /><br />Sadly there is no ONE thing that made me come back. There was no epiphany. There wasn't some wonderful action on his part. He remained his steady self while I floundered. I tried many things, and I believe in some ways they all helped me inch toward him a little, although at the time it didn't feel like it. I felt like you, " WOW today was a great day, we are getting back to ...BAM....sucky day again" Sometimes it is like walking in mud. It is so difficult to see the little ground you are gaining. My suggestion, just be. Don't think, don't strategize to try to get back. Be, float, allow things to happen, and the process will bring you to where you are supposed to be. I am not saying give up. I am saying don't force the issues.<br /><br />When we first started ttwd, I wanted so desperately just to 'make the list'. Barney's list. Now I want to be at the TOP of the list. I am, and he is learning how to show me in ways that I understand and can see. He is learning...SLOWLY urgh! lol....to communicate things sooner, like, " I was too angry to deal with it at the time" or his phrasing has changed from, " Just because I am quiet doesn't mean I am not thinking about....." to " I need a little while to think about this, or I need you to talk to me when you are ready, because you being quiet means something is wrong". All of these little changes came from HUGE blow ups and distance periods. In some instances this took many, many times like this before we changed.<br /><br />I am just an email away if you need to talk to someone who understands :)<br />williewilliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01907855123777628267noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8001733756393901203.post-16355022904456605652013-08-19T10:49:07.404-04:002013-08-19T10:49:07.404-04:00Oh Elle :)
You sound so down and I wish there wa...Oh Elle :) <br /><br />You sound so down and I wish there was something I could offer to make you feel better, but it's difficult to give advise when TTWD comes to a halt. I've been there so I know what it feels like. When we make ourselves that vulnerable and open to hurt, it's difficult to want to trust again. TTWD makes our emotions very raw and bring it right to the surface, sometimes it's difficult to step aside and look at the problem objectively. I know I'm a very emotional creature and can let things get me very down, and then find it hard to come out again for a while :(<br /><br />I get what you mean, wanting to be the most important thing in FM's life, and I'm pretty sure you are, it's you wanton him to show you more with words and actions, rather than expecting you to "just" know it. <br /><br />I'm not too sure what exactly is the problem here, and that makes it more difficult to advise, maybe I can play devils advocate, please don't see it as judgment from my side, that's not my intention at all, just to give you some things to ponder :)<br /><br />So you want him to initiate things more, so it's not you always planning, date nights or the maintenance and such. Maybe FM has never been one for taking the first step, and needs help to get in the habit of this. Maybe you could organise this, find a sitter, first and then let him know you have someone for the kids, and let him know you would like "us" time, this will start the conversation rolling, he might not be comfortable choosing what to do, so you could do it together, decide where and things just flow from there. Same goes for any reconnection and maintence, whatever you guys call it. <br /><br />Fm might be unsure of himself still. Being dominant is something to learn, it doesn't come natural to every man, the same as being submissive is hard for a lot woman, me included. Taking little steps together to learn and grow, along side each other. When you feel the need to reconnect, or even think he might need it, bring it up, " honey, it's been awhile, I thi k we could both use the connection". You showing your confidence in this dynamic, will most probably help him to gain confidence. It's all a learning process, none of us were born in to this life, we need to learn all the time, grow and evolve. <br /><br />I know you feel lost and confused, and now on a break from DD, questioning the need for it, or even wanting to leave yourself that vulnerable, but honey, you have got to trust and believe in your marriage. Life is complicated, and hard. Throw in a few kids and a stressful job, and you have less sex, less dd, and less time. You guys are always on the go, so many responsibilities, it's not easy, but it's life, so all you can do is, get back up, dust yourself down, and jump right back in and carry on. <br /><br />When life gets in the way, consistency gets thrown out the window, I know this because it happens here on a regular basis. We're learning to take it as just that, life and nothing else. TTWD gives you some pretty good tools to deal with certain aspects of life, when the timing is right, but it's not a magic cure. Sometimes one or both partners need time to process and sort through their feelings. This is a very important process. If you yourself don't know how you feel about a topic, how can you help your partner ??? <br /><br />Sometimes we have an image in our head how a conversation should go, or a situation should work out, when these don't meet our expectations, we feel upset and hurt and misunderstood, but sometimes just stepping away from the whole thing and trying to see things from the other side, will bring a lot of clarity. Also sometimes what we want and crave, is not what we get, but if we really look at what we have instead, it might be different, but not at all bad :)<br /><br />I don't k ow if I made any sense, I just hope I didn't over step the mark :) <br /><br />Lots of hugs babe, if you ever need a chat, let me know :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com