Yesterday, we were texting.
*What's your deal?* (On why he's been crummy lately...)
*Idk. I think it's bc there hasn't been any (insert symbol he uses for spanking) or any (symbol he uses for sex) in like a week and we are out of balance, bc you were gone the day before and last night was just crummy. There hasn't been any closeness between us in several days and I think that has to do with it.*
...... A few minutes later.
*What are we going to do to fix it?*
*Idk. Make time and do (symbol for spanking) this evening. ?*
*I'm not sure how to respond.* (that weird question mark. What? Is he asking me if I should be spanked? I'm a little confused..)
*lol, what do you mean?
I don't feel connected to you right now. Like at all.
I'm of the opinion that (symbol for spanking) has brought more connectedness in our relationship than anything. Possibly ever.
Do you agree or disagree?*
*idk. There's the question mark that's all weird at the end.
I don't feel connected either.
I do agree.*
*Then I'll respond for you and remove the weirdness.
You-"yes, I think we need (symbol for spanking) at all cost. I think that will fix it and get us back in a good place."
Me- "yes. I agree"*
*Thats an interesting conversation you have going.*
*Lol. You like that? I do what I gotta do ya know...*
***********
But it didn't happen. I was supposed to have a doctor appointment today, so you know, not supposed to have sex right before an appointment and I was worried about any possible bruises because we haven't had maintenance or punishment in so long.
Except I have a very unreliable babysitter anyway and her car isn't great in snow. I had already gotten the idea that she didn't want to come over anyway, but she won't come right out and say it. It's an annoying thing my mother does. Oh, did I not mention she's my sitter? She really only likes to visit my kids when it's convenient. She doesn't want to do it often and she's always "not feeling well." Whatever. I don't want to deal with it.
So now, I'm slightly aggravated that we didn't get to fix this last night.
I'm glad today was a snow day, but I wish my husband had gotten one too, lol. I'm definitely SO glad tomorrow is Saturday. We have a few things to do around the house, but we will mostly be able to just be here together.
I don't want to be. I want that close feeling back. Immediately.
Xo,
Elle
Oh Elle
ReplyDeleteI totally feel for you. It's hard when life gets in the way. The babysitter thing I can also relate too. My mum and my mum in law are both the same. Only come when convenient and only if there is food on the table.
I hope you get your time together and manage to "reconnect"
She never hesitates to give me unsolicited, unwanted (lol) advice.. But she's just unreliable. Ever since her divorce, it's like I'm the parent and she's the child. It's exhausting. I have three kids. I don't need her to act like another.
DeleteThanks!
Don't let it wait.. ..we were the same boat earlier this week...and still working out kinks
ReplyDeleteGood luck
Willie
It won't be any longer than tonight!!!
DeleteHi Elle & Fireman, Can I make a suggestion please? :)
ReplyDeleteLighten the mood a little to help get the communication flowing. DD isn't just spanking and definitely not only Maintenance & Punishment style spanking.
When you have the evening together you're waiting for, try Experiment Spanking and/or a little Role Play fun :)
Most importantly keep working on having 2 scheduled Sit Down Discussions a week as part of your DD plan & process.
Oh, such great advice Mr. BB! That works for Will and I every time - that type of spanking is fun, and hot and definitely reconnects.
DeleteNot to hijack my friend Elle's post - but I have to say that I love how you advise people to communicate, have fun and get close in so many other ways before a spanking even hits the radar.
Elle, I think you are such a great gal. My thoughts are to dress in something sexy and show your husband just how much you want to reconnect. Have some wine together and just see how the evening unfolds. ;)
Also, love how fun your correspondence is with one another. I'm a big believer in humor and laughter in marriage, even when things are tough - it takes us much further in our relationship when we can be light-hearted.
Thank you both!!!
DeleteI agree, excellent advice. :)
I hate that feeling. I hope you get to reconnect soon!
ReplyDeleteSorry you guys are feeling crabby. At least you know a solution is coming your way over the weekend ;)
ReplyDeleteIt amazes me how much ttwd works us through all of our problems and brings us closer.
I am sorry for your disconnect. We are also experiencing that here. Between the holidays and lots of sickness with the kids and each of us, we have been off kilter for almost 2 months. I dont know if you do maintaince or reaffirming whatever you want to call it. ( we try for once aweek but do to everything we missed 3 weeks in a row . We only have 1 night a week all the kids are out of the house at once.) I can really see a difference in the both of us missing it and eachother. Except for that night we usually wait for all the kids to be in bed but my guy gets up at 415am and isnt home til after 9 most nights , so we have a short window and it seems to be missed alot lately. I completely understand what your going through. We need to come up with a different plan, happy you have one for this weekend.
ReplyDeleteI know just how you feel. I get cranky if we go too long without being able to connect and unfortunately life gets in the way all too often. Hope you guys get to reconnect tonight. Have fun!
ReplyDeleteBeen there, sweetie - the longer it goes on the worst it gets. Attack him in the shower, when he is getting dressed - give him a few playful taps on the bum and get things moving....it just becomes more awkward and intimacy suffers.
ReplyDeleteLife does get in the way, as Mrs. D says above, just keep trying,
hugs
lillie
Sorry you are in that place Elle. I agree with Lillie's advice.. You do need to reconnect and a few playful taps etc will get that going. Thinking of you and sending loads of virtual hugs
ReplyDeleteHugs and even more hugs
Aw, Elle, I know exactly how that feels and it's definitely not easy. I do hope you get to connect soon, chickie. ((((hugs)))))
ReplyDeleteThat is wonderful that he sees the disconnect already and that he wants to make it better. I really hope that you're able to get some time in today to make that happen. {{{HUGS}}} Have to admit, loved your messages to each other. Though I agree, it can be confusing when they leave the ball in our court when it comes to deciding if we need to be spanked. When that happens to me, I don't feel like he's the HoH, I feel I am because it's my decision... makes me very uncomfortable. Hope all is well now today and that you got time to reconnect! :) If not already, maybe when the kids are in bed. :)
ReplyDeleteUgh! It sounds like you need a new sitter!
ReplyDeleteI can only agree with the others. The longer we wait here, the worse it gets and then I hit full meltdown. Hoping that you get a chance really, really soon!
We have a dry spell here too! We have been so buys and I have been passing out on the couch before the kids even go to bed! I'm also feeling disconnected and need a reconnection - SOON!!
ReplyDeleteSorry you are feeling so disconnected Elle. I hope you get that reconnection soon.
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
Roz
You've had some good advice Elle. I'll add that when we were about 3-6 months into D we added a weekly discussion/spanking time. The communications was hard to learn how to do and felt forced at 1st, but the topic was us, DD, our marriage...and we learned to talk. The spanking could be whatever kind was needed, and it helped get us in the habit, to learn different kinds of spanking, to learn the effects, what worked and didn't, and the structure meant we never went more than 7 days, which frankly, we needed. I hope you guys have begun to talk. Sara
ReplyDeleteHey Elle,
ReplyDeleteAlex and I just went through a rough patch recently and it was talking and communicating that fixed it. The spanking came along naturally afterwards. I agree that when time has passed spanking can get a little awkward and may not go as well as planned or anticipated. Sometimes that just adds pressure to an already difficult time.
Hope you can get straightened out quickly. I'll be thinking about you.
Hugs,
Sam
Thank you all so much!!!
ReplyDelete