Smooth sailing...

Lately around here, it's been smooth sailing.. But how long will that last? I try to just focus on the positive. Even if another bump comes, I think we will know how to handle it. My fireman has said he will not let it get to two weeks again. I don't think he will let it even go a couple days. 

We were on an every-other-day maintenance schedule. I liked it. (Maybe Mrs. D is right, maybe I am a spanko, lol). I love knowing he's in control. I love the role affirmation. Of course I love the connection it brings us. I know FM had said he is more confident since beginning ttwd. He's been more confident in all areas, not just our relationship. I love that, too. He deserves that self-confidence. :) 

We aren't back to every-other-day yet, but we are back. We had our first reconnection-type spanking session on Wednesday. Then extra maintenance on Thursday. Nothing last night, we'll have to see what happens tonight. I'm going to wear super-cute panties just in case, lol :) 

Today has been a great lazy Saturday. We watched the Adam Sandler movie Hotel Transylvania with the kids (cute little movie, btw). I had a little errand to run with our girls, watched some college basketball. Nothing big and exciting, but a little while ago he grabbed my hand while we were sitting on opposite ends of the couch. 

It's not a bold affirmation of his love for me, like spanking or sex, but it's a little reminder. We are in this together. He's always there for me. I'm here for him. I love this renewed connection we have. 


Hope everyone has a great weekend!! 
Xo! 
Elle :) 

Real life friends..

Well, I realized when replying to Susie on my last post that I am jinxing us. Every time I say 'we are going to have a reconnecting maintenance session tonight' something crazy happens and we don't get to. 

Yesterday, #1 woke up with a fever. No school for her. Tylenol for her and she played with #2 quietly for most of the day. Mostly they played together nicely on the iPad. My mother-in-law took the girls so I could take the baby to his class. She went to her mothers and the girls love it there. She is a junk-food junkie and will give them bags of candy and powdered donuts to bring home. Only after they've eaten some at her house too, lol. 

#1 fell asleep there at 7:15. She slept in the car, slept when I brought her in, and while I was taking her temperature. 102. Rats! No school again and definite doctor appointment for today. I'm just waiting for the office to open, so I can call and make her an appointment. 

I had just laid her in our bed and since she was sick, fireman wanted her downstairs in case she needed us. I agreed, but I also knew what that meant. No maintenance for us. Our bedroom is way too close to the living room. 

No more jinxing! When it happens, it will happen. 

I started thinking about my comparison of real-life friends to blogger friends. More than once, Fireman has told me how he wished he could share this thing we do with his best friend. 

They are a couple that doesn't spend a lot of time together, never talks, has some problems. Probably more serious problems than I even know. My fireman wants them to have the closeness that we have, the renewed look on life. All of the positive things you can think of that come as a side-effect of domestic discipline. 

But he knows he can't tell them. 

Have you ever shared this with anyone in real life? 

Xo! 
Elle

Weekend recap...

** this ended up longer than I intended! :) 

I think we are getting back on track. I don't know that it's back to 100%, but it's not as distant here as it was last week. 

I don't like it. I don't like the accidental break we took. Anytime there is a change, I generally am not a fan. I like a routine, knowing what's expected or preferred and no surprises. It's been weird here for so long! 

I appreciate all of the comments left on my last post. I love Blogland and all of you so much. There is so much support and friendship here. It's probably better than real-life friendship, lol. Here, you all know everything. IRL, I'd never talk about sex or domestic discipline. My real-life friends and family know what I look like and how I talk, but you all know our lives and how we live. It's an interesting difference! 

We talk all the time. We talk all day when he's at work via text, unless one of us is super busy. Even then, we will send a quick note to rack other. We've always been texters, since texting was a thing, lol. We have always had a cell phone since we've been together, so it's always been relatively easy to contact the other. I think I had just gotten my phone when we began dating. Dinosaur Nokia that was the coolest phone ever! Lol! (Now my iPhone laughs at my mother-in-law who still uses the old, OLD Nokia. So funny). 

Friday night we watched a couple episodes we were behind on from the DVR (man, I love that thing. We would NOT be able to watch any tv without it!). It was great. We sat close on the couch and watched. He went out to pick up some quick dinner (in the snow, too). The kids went to bed, I fell asleep near him on the couch. Crap, no maintenance tonight, I thought as I walked sleepily to our room. Even half-asleep dd is on my mind.... 

Saturday comes early. #2 woke up at 5am to potty. Wouldn't be so bad if she could reach the light, lol. She somehow woke up #1, so I turned a movie on and let them lay on the couch. I laid in bed and played games on my phone until I fell back asleep. Because they were up so early, they watched a movie in their room after playing all morning and tiring themselves out. Baby down for a nap.... Shower time together ;) nothing better than that in the middle of the day. 

The shower and the overdue events that occurred after helped us get somewhat reconnected, but it's still not completely there. I kind of waited around the rest of the weekend, but no mention of any maintenance or role affirmation, whatever you want to call it. I kind of just use maintenance as an umbrella term for us. 

All weekend I was somewhat submissive, I think. I deferred bigger decisions to him, didn't do anything that I know aggravates him. I made breakfast Saturday morning, but started feeling crummy halfway through and he took over. We actually had a slight argument before I started and I can't remember what it was about. It only lasted like 5 minutes, maybe less after the words were spoken. Before ttwd, that totally would've continued all day. 

This morning, I thought I'd get up and shower with him, then ask for some maintenance before he left.... But I didn't. I really should've. 

We've been texting all morning and talking about things. 

He made some excellent points.. 

*It's weird. It's been about 9ish days since our last (symbol for spanking), which is way too long and I'm certain you agree. But I have a fear that, bc it's been so long, you're going to have a problem getting back to it. It's just an awkward feeling I have. And I almost didn't know how to bring it up and get us back to a (symbol for spanking) routine.* 

It's actually been 12. And then after more convo... 

*I don't want you to go to that negative place. We can't stop doing ttwd, we can't. We're out of routine, yes. But we just have to jump back in. We have three kids and things that change everyday.

It's going to be hard to not get off schedule or routine every once in a while.*

Didn't I just write how I hate change? Lol. Does this man know me or what? 

I replied *I don't know how to respond to that.*

*Oh, ok. Let me help you. 

Elle- "ok, tell me what I can do to help us get back on track."
Me- "when I get home tonight and say that it's time, you give me no looks or smart comments, you just get up and go assume the position, but be aware that we ARE DOING THAT when I get home"
Elle- "ok, I can get down with that. You lead and I'll follow"*

I want to live in his head. Perfect conversation from me lives there, lol :) 

So, I guess we will see what happens.. 

Hope you all had a great weekend! 
Xo, 
Elle 

Day 9!

It is day 9 of this stretch of no domestic discipline? spanking. He says ttwd is not on a break, but it certainly feels like it. He's been crabby. I've been crabby. 



Yesterday, we were texting.  

*What's your deal?* (On why he's been crummy lately...) 

*Idk. I think it's bc there hasn't been any (insert symbol he uses for spanking) or any (symbol he uses for sex) in like a week and we are out of balance, bc you were gone the day before and last night was just crummy. There hasn't been any closeness between us in several days and I think that has to do with it.*

...... A few minutes later. 

*What are we going to do to fix it?*

*Idk. Make time and do (symbol for spanking) this evening.    ?*

*I'm not sure how to respond.* (that weird question mark. What? Is he asking me if I should be spanked? I'm a little confused..)

*lol, what do you mean?

I don't feel connected to you right now. Like at all. 

I'm of the opinion that (symbol for spanking) has brought more connectedness in our relationship than anything. Possibly ever. 

Do you agree or disagree?*

*idk. There's the question mark that's all weird at the end. 

I don't feel connected either. 

I do agree.*

*Then I'll respond for you and remove the weirdness. 
You-"yes, I think we need (symbol for spanking) at all cost. I think that will fix it and get us back in a good place."
Me- "yes. I agree"* 

*Thats an interesting conversation you have going.*

*Lol. You like that? I do what I gotta do ya know...*


***********

But it didn't happen. I was supposed to have a doctor appointment today, so you know, not supposed to have sex right before an appointment and I was worried about any possible bruises because we haven't had maintenance or punishment in so long. 

Except I have a very unreliable babysitter anyway and her car isn't great in snow. I had already gotten the idea that she didn't want to come over anyway, but she won't come right out and say it. It's an annoying thing my mother does. Oh, did I not mention she's my sitter? She really only likes to visit my kids when it's convenient. She doesn't want to do it often and she's always "not feeling well." Whatever. I don't want to deal with it. 

So now, I'm slightly aggravated that we didn't get to fix this last night. 

I'm glad today was a snow day, but I wish my husband had gotten one too, lol. I'm definitely SO glad tomorrow is Saturday. We have a few things to do around the house, but we will mostly be able to just be here together. 

I know he'll take care of this as soon as possible too. I'm in an even crummier mood than yesterday. 

I don't want to be. I want that close feeling back. Immediately. 

Xo, 
Elle 

Uneventful..

First, let me just say I love ttwd. Love love love it. I just defer big (and small!) decisions over to fireman and my life is easier. I wonder if his life is harder with more decisions though? Probably not. He's kind of think about it, make a decision, evaluate, then done with it, kind of guy. I'm like a think about it, obsess over it, obsess more, weigh options, compare, obsess, decide, regret, wonder about the other options, drive myself crazy, kind of person. I always worry I made the wrong decision. 

Even if it was something as silly as where we were going for dinner. I'd worry about the wait, how the waiter was, food, etc. I can hear you now. Wow, she is craaaaazy. Lol, it's true. 

No, I'm just worried about how my decision effects everyone else. What if we have a bad experience and it was my decision that sent us there? It's safe to say I seriously over think everything. 

I don't even know how I went to all that just now, lol. I was just going to post about how we had a super busy weekend and didn't get anything done around the house, or get to any spanking: maintenance or otherwise. It's strange how blogging will do that to you.. :) 




Friday I was down for the count all day.  I was never actually like sick, just felt really bad and exhausted.  Fireman took great care of me.  He's he best.  My ailments have made me feel like a 90 year old woman who is falling apart.  First it was Monday with the weird underarm pain, turned out to be just a pulled muscle.  Then a lower back issue that began after #3 was born that reoccurs often.  Then crazy sick-sleep-all-day Friday.  On top of a headache that has come and gone for almost 3 weeks now.  (That one is because of my eyes.  I need to call and schedule an appointment to get my reading glasses adjusted and fixed!!).  

See, who knew 29=90??? lol :)  

So anyway.. Take all that craziness, plus our beautiful (yes, super biased, but uh, it's also true! Lol) girls were models in a fashion show this weekend. They had practice, then the long day of the show, celebration dinner (where Fireman chose, lol) and I was exhausted by the end of the weekend. 

My house needs a lot of TLC, I feel like the laundry is everywhere. Mondays are not my favorite with Fireman being gone all day for work, then all evening for training, but I'm going to try to get some stuff done before one of the thousand ailments start creeping up. 

Dd has not taken a break in this house, but I haven't had a chance to get in gotten in trouble or be warned about anything. I haven't had maintenance since last Wednesday(!!!) Here. 

I just sent him a text. *is your palm twitchy?* 

*Lol. Little bit.*

I figured ;) 

Hope everyone has a great Monday :) 
Xo! 
Elle 

The hairbrush and complaining...

He tried out the hairbrush last night...... On my poor little curvy, bare behind.... 

He was watching some college basketball, I was playing games on my phone, checking Facebook, doing nothing. I'm gonna go hop in the shower. It's 9:37. Ummm yes, I'll hurry. HoH look. Quick cheesy smile.

I grabbed panties out of my drawer and a flimsy tank and hurried in the shower.  I was just getting ready to turn the water off when he placed his arms around me and grabbed the ladies (lol).  I gasped! What is he, a ninja?! I never even heard him, lol. 

We shower together so often I feel lonely if I'm in there by myself. He takes one alone every morning before he leaves for work, so he may not feel the same. Although, I am supposed to be getting up with him, but that's been a big fail... I should start getting up and showering with him every morning. That would be a great way to start the day. He does want me up with him... Which makes me wonder why he hasn't been enforcing that rule? request. I'll have to ask him. 

He dried me off (so sweet!!) and I got dressed in what little attire there was to be dressed in anyway and went to our bedroom. I grabbed my phone to plug in, not really paying attention, then noticed he had his? our? the implements laying on the end of the bed. 

He always places his hand out, gesturing me to the bed. He's not dressed so formally, like this picture though, lol. Sometimes google images are not helpful, lolol :) 

He slid my panties down and I immediately wondered why he let me put them on for the 15/20 seconds that I had them, lol. That thought was immediately followed by the sensation of his hand skimming my leg all the way from my hips to my ankle.... 

Still having trouble with my shoulder/underarm, so it took us a minute to get me into a good position. He began with a little bit of a lecture... The one I'd been waiting on from last week. We have agreed to try to not have such a delayed punishment, but we know in doing ttwd, having three young kids, plus his job, and two fire departments, opportunities aren't always going to be available. We are going to have to be flexible and work around things. 

He started with the little toy ping pong paddle thing. That's always his warmup. I forgot to count, he tapped the right side of my behind. Oh! Two! 

I kept turning around to see what implement was next. I was am? definitely a little afraid of that hairbrush.  He gave me the look again. I turned back around. 

I sometimes think he strikes a little too high. Is he supposed to only get the bottom part of my behind? He said I'll just complain that he strikes in the same place. Which, I then felt badly about. I do NOT need (or want!!!) to comment or complain. I'm really bad to say ow.. or too high.. or any other comments. Whether its maintenance or punishment, I just need to keep my mouth shut. But, that's always been my problem... I need to work on that. If we ever do boot camp, that's something I would want to focus on. 

Overall, I thought the hairbrush was okay. I know he took it easy on me last night. I don't feel it at all today. He said its very easy to control, so that's good. I can definitely see how I could come to not like it though! 


What's your favorite implement? 

Xo! 
Elle 

Thankful & a recap of the weekend...

First, I am so thankful for all of you! I was so worried and nervous and so grateful all of you stopped and took a second to send me love and thoughts! I would absolutely do it for you, too! Fireman was amazing for me (everyday, but specifically yesterday). He was calm and strong, like always. 

He answered questions for me when we first got there when I was too upset to speak coherently, he placed his hand on my shoulder letting me know he was there, and he gathered my things for me when they took me to X-ray. He waited patiently outside that room, then sat right beside me as I laid exhausted on the bed (it was seriously past my bedtime!). I draped my leg on his and he held on tight. 

He told me stories from his day, he had been on a fire call right as soon as he got to the station for training and told me about different things to keep me from going to dark places. He was just there. And I'm so thankful for him too. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I'm glad God picked him for me. :) 

***** birthday weekend *****

Saturday, birthday eve, we did nothing at all during the day and it was great. I knew we had the chance of getting a grandparent babysitter, so I asked him if we could maybe go out. What did you have in mind? Dinner and a movie? That's exactly what I had planned, sounds great. 

We watched television, the kids played, we had yummy lunch. He wouldn't tell me where we were going for dinner. Usually, I figure everything out. I am the hardest person to surprise. He wouldn't budge. I'm excited for dinner. Me too! Where are we eating? No, I will not slip up and tell you. Stop asking. Lol. 

We had great conversation in the car on the way, great conversation at dinner.  The movie was really good. Zero Dark Thirty. Has anyone else seen it? Very intense(!!!) but very good. It was loud and scary at a lot of points, but we both liked it. We got home late, snuggled, and I'm sure I fell asleep quickly. 

On Sunday, we had another great day. Church, the girls picked one of my favorite places for lunch, then we came home. Fireman surprised me with a soooo yummy cookie cake inscribed with Happy Birthday Mommy. Huge surprise!! He really outdid himself this weekend! 

We ordered Italian for dinner, kids got in bed and we snuggled on the couch. :)  It was probably one of the best birthdays I've ever had. :) 

I bought a hairbrush, finally. It's definitely scarier than I thought it would be. We haven't really gotten to try it out. We had a little miscommunication about it... He wanted to try a fun spanking with it, I thought he meant maintenance... He was all giggly and well.. It just ended badly. We talked about it yesterday and got everything straightened out (chalk another one up for communication!!!). I feel so bad that I misunderstood him! And I told him that I was still expecting an actual punishment from last week, so he understood my miscommunication. 

I love ttwd. I know fireman does too. 

The side effects are enough to keep me wanting dd for the rest of my life. The closeness, the ease of (okay, easier) communication, the bedroom effects. I have already told him he's getting a big thank you from me tonight. I was ready to thank him last night, but we were both exhausted after we got home. I need that good-girl spanking (unless he decides I need a real one...) and some sexxxxy time :)  now, how much longer til he gets home?! 


Xo! 
Elle 

Looking up..

 Tomorrow I will be a whole year older. I actually have no problem with getting older, I know it's a privilege that many don't see. My problem is looking older, lol. My mother looks amazing for her age. She will be 50 soon, but doesn't look it. People honestly think we are sisters sometimes. I've always told her I hope I age as gracefully as she has. 

My fireman has always looked young also. He's going to age in that dignified manner, I just know it. He's always been so irresistible to me. I was looking at older pictures recently and even then, he made my heart flutter. Looking at those pictures reminds me easily. 

It still happens now. I will look at him, his eyes, his shoulders, his hands, his mouth.... I could go on and on. Just one glimpse of him has almost the same reaction as him calling me a "good girl."  I could stare at him forever. :) 

Thursday and Friday of this week were downers. Even after I posted my edit to the last page, my mood crept back up. A comment he made.. as purely fact, I mistook and that escalated into a small argument. He told me sternly to go to bed. I sat on the couch for a minute longer.. I really didn't want our evening to go that way, but it already was. It was getting a little past my bedtime, so I waited momentarily, then got up and went to bed. 

I really expected him to come in, tell me to remove my panties, and climb up on the bed. I knew I deserved it. I knew I had been disrespectful by not listening to him explain, I had been moody all day. Instead, I laid there watching a rerun on the DVR and fell asleep. 

It carried over. Ugh. Yesterday I was crummy. We texted, argued a little. I got a little mouthy. I knew if he found the opportunity, I would be in for a punishment yesterday evening. He was slightly late getting home from work, I had somewhere to be at 6, then the girls were having a mini-sleepover. 

He did tell me that he intended to cool-down and come in after I went to bed Thursday night. But, by the time that happened, I was asleep. I was am thankful he swears to never spank when angry. I know mad is bound to happen, but when he's really angry, he swears he won't do it. 

They were up late, we cuddled on the couch and watched the end to a movie we'd started last weekend but never finished. Then we finally went to bed. I was a little surprised when he didn't give me the spanking instructions, but I think he probably didn't think it was the right time with company being in the house. 

At some point today, I know I'll receive it. I'm going to try to not pout or get out of it. I don't want to make excuses as to why he should let me off the hook. I don't want to question him and ask why he wants me to come in our bedroom. I need the reset, the reaffirmation, the reminder. I need the connection and probably the release, too. 


I'm sure I'll let you know how it goes. 

Xo, 
Elle 

Coming down....

I wish i had a sexy, upbeat post, but no. The high I was riding is coming down crashing down.... I'm trying to pull up.. To snap out of it, but it's still a steady, slow, very imminent crash. 

I took the evening off from my exercise class last night to be home with my fireman. I thought that would help. Yesterday was chaotic, the baby is not feeling well, #2 is my constant shadow, #1 is fighting me about everything, the cat is acting out, and pushing me completely over the edge is this headache that has been off and mostly on for a week. Plus, my birthday is 3 days away and it just doesn't feel like my birthday. 

I thought staying home and veg~ing out was what I needed. I made dinner, fixed my fireman's bowl of chili, he even asked me to fix him a drink(!!).  We spent a little time together after the kids got in bed, I had a bubble bath, and we had great sexxxxy time (hair pulling, anyone??? ::blush::) 

Then this morning... Crash. The stupid headache is back, not enough time in the day, sick baby, plus my little shadow. I even text my fireman about feeling blah. He tried to help, really, but he's been so busy at work lately, it's hard for him to text as much as usual. 

Baby to the doctor, he still has an infection in his throat :(  We now see an ENT on next week. I know they're going to want to take his tonsils out and I'm very nervous :( 

I get a text from my fireman after I pick up #1 from school and take her to her music class. *Do we have anything going on tonight?* I'm thinking no! Yay, he's going to say something about being together. Ummm, nope. My head was seriously not being smart. After my reply of *No, why?* I relieve a follow-up text about a possible fire and how he might go and blah blah blah. *Oh, fine*, I text back.  Ding. Ding. Ding. I am busy, but also not making time to check my text.  

*Are you ignoring me?* I finally catch a glimpse of the last one. *No, I'm busy.* A few minutes later, I think no. I'm not going to lie and just be mad later. We talk for a second and he says he's not going to be gone for hours. Alright, fine. I really was busy. 

I don't know. Why do we have to get in these crabby moods? Why can I just ride the high continuously? And the most important... How do I snap out of it? 

Hopefully I'll have a better, more fun, interesting post tomorrow morning.... 


Xo
Elle 






****** edit 

Almost immediately after this posted, my mother-in-law brought some delishy dinner, my fireman made the kids plates while I rested on the couch. This headache has knocked me down today. I went in to help and he had everything done! I made one cup, he had the other two all ready. 

He made me a plate and even offered to get me more when I wanted it. He fixed me a glass of sweet tea and handed me two pills to take. How sweet is he?! 

I am already out of my crabby mood and want to sit super close to my amazing hubby. 

Hopefully he won't go too hard on me later if he decides on maintenance or a punishment for ignoring and being super crabby. 

:) 

Who would've thought?

Last night was a busy night. I swear, I don't see my husband until Thursday some weeks =\ 

I had a hair appointment, the girls each wanted their hair cut, and the only time my beautician had available before my birthday this weekend was last night. I started dinner, fireman finished it, and made my plate. If you don't eat this before you leave, I'm going to be upset with you. Okay, I'll eat it. It looks great. 

It wasn't the sit-down family dinner I swear every week we are going to do every night (so unrealistic for us...), but it was nice (and yummy)!! 

The girls and I went to our appointment, the baby and fireman stayed home and watched the Barrett-Jackson car auction and some college basketball. We stopped by the grocery store on our way home and got back a little later than I'd liked, but we needed groceries, so not much you I can do about it. 

I got everything for #1 ready for school the next morning, we sent the girls to bed, and I cuddled up next to fireman on the couch for a few minutes before my looming bedtime. Did you read any? (One of my requests for the week is to read a financial/budget book.. It's easy to read and I'm a fast reader...). Ummm yes? Crap, I'd forgotten to get to that today. Wrong answer. 

Rats. I figured it was maintenance night and I was wondering if he'd actually punish a little extra for not completing the request. Come on, he gestured to our bedroom. I tried to get out of it a little, giving pointless excuses and reasoning. Why? I have no idea. It's not going to work. I want this lifestyle, so why do I try to get out of it? 

He started, but our bed sits up so high, it's getting awkward to lay across it.  Usually, he does ten with the little toy paddle, but at 12 (counting in my head instead of out loud), I said hey, don't you usually only do 10, isn't that 12? I don't know. Smack. Why don't I know? Smack. Hmm? 14, I counted out loud from then on. Point made, lol :) 

Climb up on the bed. I know, I'm sliding. I scooted. 

No, like completely climb up. 

Now, lay down on your elbows. Oh, what a position. New and scary, but all of the instruction from him made me tingly inside! 

He switched up implements a couple times, rubbed, squeezed... I love the rubbing and squeezing. Then he laid his hand on my lower back and said commanded? instructed: stay there and walked out of the room. Whaaattttt? Yummy. Submission at its finest. Simple instruction, very risqué pose with my chest down, behind up, and facing where I couldn't see the door. I had no idea of what he was doing or how long he'd be gone, but I was staying there. For him. 

He came back. Smack. Rub. What are you going to do tomorrow? Um, laundry? Smack. Rub. What else? Take my mom to the doctor! Smack. Rub. What else? Read! Good girl. Tingles!! Did he just call me a good girl! haawwwwtttt! Smack. Rub. Anything else? Is that a trick question? Smack. I don't know? I was just checking, you're done. Hugs. 

You can go to bed now. Oh I can? Then the look. You don't know when to stop do you? I wondered if he'd come back and spank more, but he didn't. He just tucked me in our bed and kissed me goodnight. 

I went to sleep thinking about him calling me a good girl. I never would've imagined him saying it.... And never would've imagined enjoying it the way I definitely did :) who would've thought?! 

Wonder if I'll get another "good girl" anytime soon.... 

Xo! 
Elle 

Submission

Friday night, something tiny happened and I was proud of my fireman. Unless he noticed my eyebrows raise in pleasant surprise, I think he has no idea.  The tiny event may have not even registered on his radar, but it certainly did on mine. 

I've been working on the gift of submission. I think it was June (The Dish with Ward and June) who said submission is a gift, because you can't force it. (If it wasn't June and it was someone else, just let me know, lol!) June (& Ward too!!) were so sweet and emailed me suggestions to help with submission. 

I want to fully embrace this semi-new life we've taken on. I have written about struggling with submission, but they helped me realize it can be very simple. It can be as easy as fixing dinner and making his plate. Oddly enough, this is something I've always done. It makes me feel good to make his plate and hand it to him. It's been very rare in our life for me to have not done it. I feel very pleased that I've been doing it for so long. Maybe I can be submissive after all ;) 

In their last blog post, I think June said it perfectly. ".. Everything I do, every look that I give, every response that I utter is an opportunity to express my submission to his leadership."  So very true. 

I always want my fireman to know how much I trust him and that I'd do anything for him. I think he knows, but I want him to really know. I've tried to become aware of my actions. I try to not interrupt him (which I am bad to tend to do), I try to really listen to what he's saying, and do little, everyday things for him. 

We had a family function to attend on Friday night with his family. We sat closely, as we can't seem to stay away from each other. (Magnets!!!) when the pizzas arrived, I made the kids their plates and I turned to make his. He had mine all ready :) So sweet when I know he's thinking about me. 

A little while later, there was cake. A few of the other guests got themselves pieces and it happened..... 

Will you get me a piece of cake please? My eyebrows raised slightly and I smiled. Sure :) 

I was so proud of him for actually asking me to do something for him!! It was a very small gesture, but it meant a lot to me. You have to start somewhere ;) 

Maintenance and Bedtimes...

I feel like I haven't seen my fireman in forever. Monday was sickness, Tuesday he had a fire-related meeting, then last night was an activity for our girls, a quick break, then an exercise class for me. I want need a Saturday! 

I have a new bedtime rule. He wants me to wake up with him in the morning and try to get on a better schedule. It was mostly my fault that #1's morning was rushed and hectic. I wasn't getting her up early enough, not giving the two of us enough time to get ready for her to make the bus. I do not like arguing in the morning before she leaves (or arguing at all, really). 

It's not that much earlier for me to get up, maybe an hour, but it makes the difference in seeing him and that was enough of a reason for me. I was staying up later than I needed to before, but now it's much better. 

Except last night. We finally got the kids in bed around 8:45, my class was from 7-8, so by the time I got home I didn't have a lot of time. He pushed bedtime back to 10, we watched a little tv from Monday (thank God for DVR!), and got a shower together. It was after 10, but he let it slide. I am not sure what time I actually fell asleep, I'm sure it was before 11. I had asked if I could watch a little tv and he knows I hate not having the tv on when I go to bed!! 

Now, this morning I woke up late, only enough time for a long hug. I'm so tired right now... And I'm sad that I didn't get to see him more this morning. I texted him: I'm so tired. I'm sorry baby. 9:30 back in action. Lol. Lol okay man. 9:30 it is. 

Do you guys have any rules you thought you'd not like at first, but now appreciate?? 
On a positive note, I haven't been in trouble since last Wednesday!!! Whoo! I should get a party or something! (Speaking of... My birthday is coming up! Lol)

I really think maintenance has helped a lot with that. He has not done daily, I think he thinks it might get mundane if he would do it every single day. I don't know, he'll have to give his opinion on that. It has been happening just about every other night. 

Let me think..... Punishment Wednesday, maintenance Thursday (which he could've said was just the second part of Wednesday's punishment.. I deserved it), Saturday, but I can't remember Sunday! I think maybe, oops. I don't know for sure!! Tuesday was maintenance also, but none last night. 

Once it was funny. I tried to keep my pants. No. Then panties. No. (But i swear, I do that every time...) I laid across our bed and presented my bottom to him. He was quiet, I'm not entirely sure what he was doing if he was just making me be patient and wait, if he was checking out my behind. I couldn't take the silence and I knew the smack was coming, but I needed to say something! anything! Wait a minute, what's this for? Did you get a lecture? No. Okay, then if you don't get a lecture, it's just maintenance. Okay, got it. Works for me! *smack* pause... What's our procedure? Our procedure? Yes, what are you supposed to do? Counting, my brain thought. Oh, um one... 

Tuesday, he surprised me. I was not expecting maintenance. I had gotten everything ready for the next morning with his help, too. It was just before 9:20 and I was checking my phone before I went to our room. I walked in, he was standing by the bed with his favorite only? Implements on the end of the bed. 

I guess I'll have to see for tonight. I kind of like the every-other-daily maintenance. It makes me feel super connected and roles are definitely reaffirmed. 

I am loving our renewed life with ttwd. I don't think we've ever felt so close or together in anything. :)


Xo! 
Elle 

How we met 2

Fireman left a comment last night on my last post with his fill-ins. (I have to mention that it was while I was asleep, with a new bedtime rule that he implemented, lol). 

He was ill on Monday when I wrote the last post. Some crazy stomach bug hit our house. It was the first morning after my new bedtime and he wanted me to wake up with him. I was looking forward to beginning our day with conserving water together ;) when he got up at 6:30, I eagerly sat up too. He was right, I felt refreshed after much my much earlier than normal bedtime. I'm not going to work, love. I've been up all night sick. Why didn't you wake me?! I didn't want to wake you, I wanted you to sleep. I'm alright, just not going in today. 

I knew he was really sick when he wasn't working. This man never misses work. He slept most of the day and suddenly I started to feel like I was getting sick, too. Noooooooo! I had way too much to do, I could not get sick! I prayed and prayed. I willed it away. I took some OTC medication. When I arrived back at home, I crashed. It finally hit me, not sickness, just exhaustion. I went to bed, he tucked me in, and told me he'd stay home the following day if needed. Seriously, do I have the best man ever, or what? ;) 

So, in fighting the sickness and running around all day, I forgot one HUGE detail! I still think about it to this day, but I forgot to add it to our story. 

My fireman commented, but I wanted to make sure everyone saw it, so I'm going to add it here. I sometimes forget to go back and check for comment replies, so I figure some of you might, too. 

******* from Fireman

I'll fill in a few bits, for sure. I wasn't a rich kid, quite the opposite. My buddies were all buying motorcycles and picking up girls, but the only way I could afford it was to buy a wrecked bike and rebuild it piece by piece. Now, being a 22 yr/old nice guy, I'm here to tell you nice guys finished last. Over and over. And for a kid with no money, zero self confidence, and in the middle of undergraduate Chemistry degree, women weren't exactly beating down my door. But that night I met L, something was different. The reason I didn't peruse her right off the bat was that she was engaged. I was several months from a failed engagement by someone who kuckled me, and that wasn't my style to do to someone else. However, L's friend kept feeding me behind the scenes how bad her fiancé treated her and how she didn't really know why they were even engaged. It took me a few months to get the courage to go back and even say "Hi". But in doing so, I reaffirmed to me that there was something - like magic. Our text and online conversations just let her get to know me since we couldn't exactly hang out on a daily basis. But, what sealed the deal...

A few months later, my friend and I rode down to a nearby town to watch a Friday night football game that I gave two shits about, but I had nothing better to do. Low and behold, there was L and her fiancé, and I saw them in passing by the concession stand. But when she saw me, I couldn't exactly go up and say hi, I didn't want to make a scene either. But when she finally saw me from a distance, I simply gave her a wink and a smile - thank you Mr. Sinatra. And for guys that may read this, I'm here to tell you I've loved three women in my life. None like my L, but the one thing that got me noticed, was a wink and smile. I guess my L was the only one meant to stick around. I spent much of my youth trying to convince girls that "being a nice guy" was a desirable thing. It took me a lot of heart ache to find someone to believe it. I'll be the first to admit I'm not perfect. I take great pride in trying to be, and have most of my life. That's my style I guess. But knowing we all fall short of the glory of God, I figure the best I can do is to be better than I was the day before. Surely that counts for something. 

But like she said, I literally was smiling thru the phone when she decided I was worth the chance. It hasn't been without our own heartache. Sometimes, I thought they made the movie "The Notebook" about our life!! Lol. I think those years have simply been growing pains on our journey of growing old together. So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. :-)

**** 

I had no idea he'd be there at that game. My brother was playing for our high school team and I, of course, was his biggest fan. Towards half-time I had to find the ladies room. It was an away game for us, semi-close but not the nicest town. 

My mom didn't want me to go to the other side alone, so my fiancé at the time walked me over. He was waiting in the long line with me, but I don't think we were really speaking much at the time. 

For no reason at all, I turned around. I just felt it. I guess looking back now, the magnet was already there. 

There he was walking by, carrying his helmet, and he winked at me. I smiled instantly. My heart was fluttering and I had butterflies just from seeing him. It was crazy! 

I secretly glanced around for him for the remainder of the game. I just wanted another chance to talk to him! I am amazed at the way our story happened ;) 

And, let me tell you. He is the nicest guy. He truly is. But he has the facade of a bad boy. Motorcycle riding, guitar playing, fast car, he's even got the look of a bad boy, but he's all that wrapped around a nice guy. 

I'm the luckiest girl ever ;)