Thursday, December 26, 2013

Christmas :)

Hope everyone had a great Christmas :)

We definitely did here. I think the kids actually got everything they wanted. Very rare, since sometimes their requests are a little out there, lol.

Fireman got me a FireWife shirt, which is actually much cuter than it sounds, lol. He also got me an origami owl bracelet, some of you might know what that is. They're a neat, somewhat new thing around here but growing rapidly.

Things have been going well. We even had out of town guests that I generally don't get along with and let them get me in a disarray, but that didn't happen this year. FM and I had a long chat and discussed several things. We are doing much better still. ;)

I thought I had about 85, okay a 95% chance of a Christmas Eve spanking after he saw allll the presents, but he just said I did a great job, lol. I did give him one warning that he could do all the shopping and wrapping next year, lol. :)  He definitely wants NO part of that.

He's off for the rest of the year -- yayyyyyyy!!!! So I'm excited to have so much time with him. Hope every one in blog land had a great holiday with their families :)

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Update :)

Very sorry for the MIA. That last post took a lot out of me, I actually wanted to take it down, but he said to leave it up.  I thought he'd want it down too, but he insisted. 

That may have been the longest time we went without each other. Scratch that probably second longest, ever, but longest since we began ttwd.  

We sat in silence for a few days. We talked for several. Mostly via text, because I wasn't home much in the evening. We had tons of things to do in the evenings. We talked and talked and talked and talked. Sometimes in circles. Sometimes he made excellent points. Other times, he completely knew what I was saying and he understood.  A lot came out. 

I stayed away from blogger. I read some posts, but I'm mostly out of the loop on anything going on. I apologize for that. I did read every comment. Even one anonymous (lol, I think that's my first negative anonymous comment) that wasn't so great.  I really appreciate each comment. 

I haven't felt like posting, but I knew I needed to post an update. 

We are doing very well. We have reinstated ttwd, since Monday. So far, so good. It's still slotted strange, but we are working on it. I'm not sure how much I'll post in the coming days.. Or weeks. I'll be around, definitely. But I'm not sure I'm back to posting-mode just yet. 

Thanks again everyone, 

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I wish..

I wish a lot of things.. 

I wish we'd met when we were like, 10. Or even earlier. I wish we'd known each other forever. I wish we had more time together.. In the past. I wish we had been together in high school, it would've saved us both a lot of trouble. Or that we could've been there for each other in college. 

I wish we would've done our wedding differently. Not listened to so many other people and just did what we actually wanted to do. I wish I would've looked at you while I was walking down the aisle. Just at you. Not smiled at the guests as I was walking by.  I wish you would've been so in love with me then in the way that I've felt a few times over the past year.  Instead, I wonder if it was just the next step.  I don't like the memories of our reception. I was alone more than once. 

I wish that kind of love would've carried over to other life events. 

I've written before about how I wish we would've found ttwd sooner. I think I still wish that. Then, we wouldn't be in this situation we are now. We wouldn't be here because you'd just know what to do. We would've had more time to figure it out without having so much time spent doing things the wrong a different way. Getting set in our ways, I guess. 
I wish I had all the patience in the world. Or at least more than I do now. I wish I could just be supportive and not jealous that something else gets so much of your time. I wish you wanted to spend time with me the way I do with you. 

I definitely wish I didn't feel this way. 

I want to be able to not have to worry. To not have to think about things that have happened and have reminders of them. I wish some things never happened. That I had the ability to create magic, go back in time, and to not have made the mistakes.  I wish I could unsee the looks I've seen on your face. I wish I could undo it all. 

I wish I could just get over everything. 

I wish the blowup on Saturday wouldn't have happened. I wish there wasn't an imprint of your fist in the door. I wish I could've chilled out and not gotten so upset and let my feelings get so hurt. I wish I didn't feel the words you said are true and that they made me feel like I'm not good at all of this stuff in life. 

You have no idea the effect you have on me. In every way. One look, one word, one anything from you can make or break me. Even before ttwd, it's always been that way. I wish it wasn't that way, but it is.  

I wish I wasn't so stubborn. I wish we could go on with ttwd like nothing happened. I wish everything...