Monday, October 20, 2014

Trust & Two years ago :)

It's been so long since I checked blogger and caught up with everyone's posts.  It's been so hard to carve out time to find to just read and catch up. I have missed everyone and I know I've missed a lot of posts. I hope you all are doing well.  :) 

Yesterday I checked my little TimeHop app- which by the way I love. I wish I would've downloaded it sooner than I did. I didn't realize how neat it was too see what you posted on Facebook years ago. I haven't been on instagram long, but that's fun to see too.  Anyway, I saw a post that reminded me of what we had done two years ago.. when I found the courage to bring up ttwd and probably saving our marriage forever. 

We've had bumps with it. We're not even practicing right now.. I do wish we were, but he knows the terms.  It's just up to him to fix himself so that we can move on. I can't do a ttwd lifestyle when he's still doing the one thing that I cannot handle. How would that ever work? But.. this post isn't about that. 

I  just can't believe it was two years ago.  

So much has changed since then, so much has been fixed, so much of the way I used to react and things I'd say.  I don't always still act like we are in a ttwd relationship, since we aren't, but I still see his looks. He may not mean to give them, but he does, lol.  

Even yesterday at breakfast.. I can't remember what I said, but he had a little threatening comment.  I politely reminded him that he couldn't do anything about it.. and he reminded me that the leather around his waist said he would, lol.  

I did try to initiate a conversation about when we are going to start it up again, but no dice. He just isn't really into talking about it and the bustle of breakfast didn't really allow for a convo about it. We had family stuff to do yesterday, then we came home to watch football and I fell asleep on him.  What can I say? He is a comfy place for me to fall asleep.  

I texted him a bit ago to let him know I did want to talk about it. He said okay and he'd let me know when he had a few minutes. I hate Mondays. It's still our busiest day of the week and he's not home until late. Coming off of Sunday when I usually get to spend all day when him, Monday is hard.  

Recently though, I realized that I really do trust this man with everything. Every thing I have, am, will be. I trust him.  I think that at the beginning of ttwd, I didn't. I know that I didn't at the beginning of our marriage either. I just didn't get it.  Maybe I was too young to realize or maybe it just takes time, I don't know. Or maybe ttwd helped with that. 

All I know is, I'm mad at him one minute.. and what would have drawn out into a three day argument before only lasts about 5 minutes now. I am more patient and more thoughtful about things. 

I want ttwd back, for the dynamic, for the feeling you get, for the hot sex, lol. I want it backkkkk. :) 

Other than that, things are fantastic around here. Just busy, like usual. We've added in a few more activities for the kids, so even busier than usual, but I wouldn't change it. I love this time of year, I love the cool weather and the leaves. I love Halloween and all of the fun decorations. I'm even one of those weird people that love the snow. I love all of it. :) 

Can't wait to catch up with everyone to see how it's going with everyone else. :) 
xo, 
Elle

18 comments:

  1. Elle,
    I have missed hearing from you. I have missed you.
    Meredith

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  2. Elle,
    Would you please email me? My email is on my blog. I have a question for you.
    Meredith

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  3. Replies
    1. Thanks and welcome! I have sporadic posts, but they're all me! lol! I just tell it like it is and try not to leave too many details out. I always welcome feedback, whether it's in agreement with me or not :)

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  4. Nice to see you here. Keeping my fingers crossed you get your wish.

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  5. I have missed hearing from you, although to be honest, I have been away too. Finding time is hard, but for us, things are finally settling down again and we both hope to blog more once again. I hope to see you around!

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    1. Thanks Julia! I'm glad to be (sort of, lol) back! It seems like once things settle.. it's only for a minute and then it picks back up to crazy busy again. At least, that's definitely how it is for us!!

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  6. Hi Elle, great to hear from you, I have been wondering how you are :) Glad to hear it seems things are going well with you and FM. We haven't been practicing ttwd for a while now either, but it's amazing how many of the benefits remain :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz! The benefits do remain.. I was just craving those physical parts back too ;)

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  7. not that I am an expert but sometimes it is easier to see something in someone else post that might be of use. Just a suggestion. Maybe Fireman doesn't want an official title or expectation that he sees in ttwd. If you trust him completely, tell him so. And let him know that if sees anything that might make you a better person. Don't tell him he has to or you really want him to but it could really help having someone who could point things out. If he challenges you with a spanking, I would taunt him till he decides that you really need one. Thank him afterwards and let him know how much you appreciate him taking the time to spank you and to let you know how much he cares. Simple and light. Just thank him when he does something that is kind of HoHish without trying to make it official. Instead just slowly let it become part of your life. He might be more willing to do it that way then be given specific titles and expectations. Just my opinion... Lol

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    1. Thank you Blondie. You know I always, always, ALWAYS love your outlook! Sometimes you really do help me see things the way I need to see him. Fortunately, this time he is on board, it was/is just me wanting that bad habit to stop. We are working on it though ;)

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  8. Glad you see you back, Elle and I hope things continue to improve for you both. Just keep working at it, and hang in there.

    Many hugs
    Ami

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  9. So happy to see a post from you! Have really missed reading here.

    I get what you mean about wanting it back. We had a little break, but it's still not fully .. back. And I miss it like craaaazy!

    It can be so hard to get back into the swing of things. I'm sure you guys will figure it out, and you'll be back at it and better than ever!

    Oh and timehop is the best isn't it? Lol, I love that app!

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    1. Timehop is fantastic! I just shared a couple more things today, lol! I'm sure my fb friends are probably sick of it, but I don't care. LOL!

      It is hard to go to a break and then want it back. It's hard when you get used to that dynamic and then it's gone.
      Hopefully yours is working out though!

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