I am looking forward to Friday though. Counting down the days, hours, minutes. I haven't had a full night's sleep in I don't know how long. I've been having serious trouble falling asleep. My 9:30 bedtime hasn't been practiced in over a week. It's 11, 11:30, even 12 before I fall asleep. I try. Hard. But falling asleep takes forever.
Then with #2 being sick, she's been not sleeping well and getting up in the middle of the night multiple times. I try not to let her wake up fireman. He can't be a zombie at work all day. At least here, I can turn on Disney channel and rest my eyes. Or
With sick kids and exhausted parents, there is no maintenance happening here again. No maintenance = non-submissive Elle. I need that role affirmation and knowing he's in control. Lately it feels like no one's in control and this bus is heading off a cliff, lol.
I haven't been keeping up with things like I'm supposed to. No reading that financial book. No making sure laundry is done everyday. No rule enforcement at all. It's slightly frustrating. I know I shouldn't need him to make sure I'm getting stuff done like I want to. I shouldn't need the threat of a non-good girl spanking to get my tasks completed. But I kind of do. I don't think he wants to be super strict, I'm not sure I want him to be either. Sometimes I do. Other times...nope.
Submission feeds dominance. Dominance feeds submission. But if neither is happening, it's a little chicken & egg, don't you think? Which comes first?
Friday. I have a lot of expectations out of Friday, which is probably bad. I don't have specific expectations, so maybe it won't be a failure. Hopefully and with no unforeseeable issues, the kids will be staying all night with their grandparents on Friday. That means a whole evening, night, and morning for just my fireman and I.
I would love to go out for dinner, just because I have yet to eat one full meal of mine this week lol. It doesn't matter if the same thing is on their plates, mine is obviously more appealing, lol. I don't think I even care where, just as long as its the two of us together. He said maybe a movie, too.. But that doesn't matter to me either.
I just want the time. Then I want my long overdue maintenance. Even if I get it between now and then, which is entirely possible, I still want it then. Maybe even twice. Before we go and after we get back. I want to be submissive Elle. :)
Maybe we could even practice some him being more dominant/me being more submissive exercises. I don't know what they could be, so suggestions are welcome! I'm just wanting to make the most of our time. It's been a while since we had time for us and I know we need the refresh of ttwd :)