** this ended up longer than I intended! :)
I think we are getting back on track. I don't know that it's back to 100%, but it's not as distant here as it was last week.
I don't like it. I don't like the accidental break we took. Anytime there is a change, I generally am not a fan. I like a routine, knowing what's expected or preferred and no surprises. It's been weird here for so long!
I appreciate all of the comments left on my last post. I love Blogland and all of you so much. There is so much support and friendship here. It's probably better than real-life friendship, lol. Here, you all know everything. IRL, I'd never talk about sex or domestic discipline. My real-life friends and family know what I look like and how I talk, but you all know our lives and how we live. It's an interesting difference!
We talk all the time. We talk all day when he's at work via text, unless one of us is super busy. Even then, we will send a quick note to rack other. We've always been texters, since texting was a thing, lol. We have always had a cell phone since we've been together, so it's always been relatively easy to contact the other. I think I had just gotten my phone when we began dating. Dinosaur Nokia that was the coolest phone ever! Lol! (Now my iPhone laughs at my mother-in-law who still uses the old, OLD Nokia. So funny).
Friday night we watched a couple episodes we were behind on from the DVR (man, I love that thing. We would NOT be able to watch any tv without it!). It was great. We sat close on the couch and watched. He went out to pick up some quick dinner (in the snow, too). The kids went to bed, I fell asleep near him on the couch. Crap, no maintenance tonight, I thought as I walked sleepily to our room. Even half-asleep dd is on my mind....
Saturday comes early. #2 woke up at 5am to potty. Wouldn't be so bad if she could reach the light, lol. She somehow woke up #1, so I turned a movie on and let them lay on the couch. I laid in bed and played games on my phone until I fell back asleep. Because they were up so early, they watched a movie in their room after playing all morning and tiring themselves out. Baby down for a nap.... Shower time together ;) nothing better than that in the middle of the day.
The shower and the overdue events that occurred after helped us get somewhat reconnected, but it's still not completely there. I kind of waited around the rest of the weekend, but no mention of any maintenance or role affirmation, whatever you want to call it. I kind of just use maintenance as an umbrella term for us.
All weekend I was somewhat submissive, I think. I deferred bigger decisions to him, didn't do anything that I know aggravates him. I made breakfast Saturday morning, but started feeling crummy halfway through and he took over. We actually had a slight argument before I started and I can't remember what it was about. It only lasted like 5 minutes, maybe less after the words were spoken. Before ttwd, that totally would've continued all day.
This morning, I thought I'd get up and shower with him, then ask for some maintenance before he left.... But I didn't. I really should've.
We've been texting all morning and talking about things.
He made some excellent points..
*It's weird. It's been about 9ish days since our last (symbol for spanking), which is way too long and I'm certain you agree. But I have a fear that, bc it's been so long, you're going to have a problem getting back to it. It's just an awkward feeling I have. And I almost didn't know how to bring it up and get us back to a (symbol for spanking) routine.*
It's actually been 12. And then after more convo...
*I don't want you to go to that negative place. We can't stop doing ttwd, we can't. We're out of routine, yes. But we just have to jump back in. We have three kids and things that change everyday.
It's going to be hard to not get off schedule or routine every once in a while.*
Didn't I just write how I hate change? Lol. Does this man know me or what?
I replied *I don't know how to respond to that.*
*Oh, ok. Let me help you.
Elle- "ok, tell me what I can do to help us get back on track."
Me- "when I get home tonight and say that it's time, you give me no looks or smart comments, you just get up and go assume the position, but be aware that we ARE DOING THAT when I get home"
Elle- "ok, I can get down with that. You lead and I'll follow"*
I want to live in his head. Perfect conversation from me lives there, lol :)
So, I guess we will see what happens..
Hope you all had a great weekend!