Well, I realized when replying to Susie on my last post that I am jinxing us. Every time I say 'we are going to have a reconnecting maintenance session tonight' something crazy happens and we don't get to.
Yesterday, #1 woke up with a fever. No school for her. Tylenol for her and she played with #2 quietly for most of the day. Mostly they played together nicely on the iPad. My mother-in-law took the girls so I could take the baby to his class. She went to her mothers and the girls love it there. She is a junk-food junkie and will give them bags of candy and powdered donuts to bring home. Only after they've eaten some at her house too, lol.
#1 fell asleep there at 7:15. She slept in the car, slept when I brought her in, and while I was taking her temperature. 102. Rats! No school again and definite doctor appointment for today. I'm just waiting for the office to open, so I can call and make her an appointment.
I had just laid her in our bed and since she was sick, fireman wanted her downstairs in case she needed us. I agreed, but I also knew what that meant. No maintenance for us. Our bedroom is way too close to the living room.
No more jinxing! When it happens, it will happen.
I started thinking about my comparison of real-life friends to blogger friends. More than once, Fireman has told me how he wished he could share this thing we do with his best friend.
They are a couple that doesn't spend a lot of time together, never talks, has some problems. Probably more serious problems than I even know. My fireman wants them to have the closeness that we have, the renewed look on life. All of the positive things you can think of that come as a side-effect of domestic discipline.
But he knows he can't tell them.
Have you ever shared this with anyone in real life?
Xo!
Elle
Wow you really are jinxing yourselves.
ReplyDeleteHope your daughter feels better soon.
About talking to friends, no way. I'm just starting to get used to talking to you guys about it lol
I have friends who would just see it as a link and would laugh and wink iykwim
And then I got those friends who would never understand and are really feminists and think men should be under the thumb.
So all in all I don't think any of my friends would understand x
Thank you! We are heading to the doctor soon, hopefully they'll get her all fixed up!!
DeleteI have a few friends that think that way also!
Hi Elle,
ReplyDeleteWow! You have really had your hands full. Hope your little one is better soon and you and your Fireman can reconnect.
Alex says all the time he wished he could tell some of the guys he knows about DD. Especially the ones who are constantly complaining about their marriages. But, he has yet to find the courage to do so.
Hugs,
Sam
I know FM wants to tell his best friend so badly, but he knows he can't. Maybe one day he'll find a way to bring it up without outing us!
DeleteGuess you know all about the network so you can delete that comment.
ReplyDeleteI do! I probably would love it! I'll have to talk to FM about joining :)
DeleteI have one real life friend who knows, but we don't really talk about it. I don't think I'd tell any of the rest of my friends. And I can't imagine Michael deciding to share with any of his either. I just think that most people wouldn't understand honestly.
ReplyDeleteI hope #1 feels better soon and you and your hubby can fit in some time for each other.
Thanks Grace! She is finally feeling much better!
DeleteI don't think they would understand either! Even though it elicits such wonderful side effects!!
Hi Elle, you do seem to have had your hands full at the moment. Sorry life has gotten in the way again and hope your daughter is feeling better soon. Hope too that you have Fireman can get that reconnection soon.
ReplyDeleteAs for real life friends, no, I haven't told anybody although there may occasionally be a little light banter about who is in charge etc. I don't think a lot of my RL friends would understand. I think they get a bit of a sense that I defer to Rick though.
Hugs,
Roz
I think my family knows I won't do anything without discussing it with my husband first. They are like that, too, but I don't think they'd be so keen on the punishment and maintenance aspects that we have :)
DeleteHi Elle,
ReplyDeleteNo we have told no one. Except one friend that I told I was trying to be more obedient and submissive to my husband, she took it on board and is now trying the same. She mentioned about a month ago how hard it was and that she struggles with it. I have not mentioned the 'maintenance and punishment' side of it to her. I don't think I ever will!! If she wants more info she can do the research herself!
I don't think I would ever tell anyone about us, as it would be seen as a kinky lifestyle, or abusive...there are people who just would not understand. We would risk losing some friends I think if they did find out..not to mention the attention we would get from our Pastor!
Hope your little one is feeling better now :)
Hugs
I always wonder if our Pastor knows about dd.. Or CDD, rather. I just get the tiny feeling that he might. I don't know! I could be way off, but just a little thing in me says he might.
DeleteThat's sweet that your friend started to be that way too! I wonder if it has helped her marriage the way this has helped ours?
Should I comment...I might jinx you! :)
ReplyDeleteI have told one friend, a very old friend who was also struggling in her marriage and I knew she would understand. She did.
Did it work for her? :)
DeleteHello Elle & Fireman, I hope everyone is feeling better soon!
ReplyDeleteIt's a good sign when a couple is starting to feel like they want to tell a friend about their DD dynamic because they feel it might help their friends relationship. It usually means that their own DD dynamic is becoming a more patient & natural part of their lives. Therefore they are more easily able to see the benefits in their relationship, and how it might help someone else.
It's hard not to want to share something special with a friend, but be prepared to answer a million questions that you may not have even thought of yet. DD doesn't work for everyone the same way, so if a couple is accidentally misled it can cause more harm then good sometimes. The good news is that DD isn't just about the spanking or disciplinary aspects. Communication, personal accountability and relationship structure are parts of a DD lifestyle that can benefit any relationship. Also, without those aspects the rest wouldn't work anyway, so if you're concerned for your friend it might be a good place start :)
I think it's become a very natural part of our life. I don't think he's going to tell his friend... Even though he really wishes he could. :)
DeleteHello Elle Darling
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I do hope little one is feeling better. I think mums suffer more than their children in times like this. In the UK we have something called Calpol. It is brilliant for littles! See if you can buy some in your local pharmacy, or if not, on line. I still keep some in the house in case my grandson is feeling off. It is very good at lowering temperatures.
Secondly, the advice Mr BB above has given is the best. He helped me through all the initial stages of Dd and has years of experience. It's very good Elle to get a man's perspective on all of this. We are still working on the communication, personal accountability and relationship structure, not only because of all our past problems, but because it is difficult to 'break out' of a pattern when you have been in it for as many years as we have. I can compare it to a recovering alcoholic. I know what I must not do! I can tell you that it takes an enormous amount of willpower, and that 'bitch troll' is always on the look out to rear her ugly head. But it does cut down on disciplinaries, because we have this signalling system in place. If he could, Starman would probably swat me once or twice in public, but as he can't, he will place his hand palm down on my lower back, or squeeze my upper arm if necessary. It is up to me to acknowledge his signal. Sometimes I would just like to scream and shout - but this is good for me, good for both of us, so I am determined to keep at it.
Finally - no I wouldn't ever tell a best friend. Not even my dearest and oldest. I think I could be harvesting a whole lot of problems. And I don't feel experienced enough to give our what I would term as "real advice", just my gentle opinion on things. However, I am half way through a very long post to explain something you perhaps will be interested in. My daughter is, I think, around your age, and we had a very long talk a couple of weeks ago. You will be surprised at what we talked about (or not)! So you will have to wait until after tomorrow, when I will get back to posting once more. I just need to get over that awful hump first. Then at least we will know the worst, and what paths we might be able to take.
I can see I've written a book once again Elle. Never mind. Humour me!
Many hugs,
Ami
You have been on my mind everyday!!! And starman too.
DeleteI will look for that medicine, I've never heard of it. But you're right! It's so awful to watch your kids be sick. I hate it. I'm just now starting to sleep again and not worry about her needing me though the night.
I'm so glad FM is in this with me. I can get his perspective anytime, because you are right! It's so much better with a man's perspective!!
I love your use of signals. We probably need to talk about a specific signal. I know the hand on the back would probably work. FM usually gives a look, but we truly usually don't have many problems or issues in public.
I can't wait to hear about the convo you had with your daughter!!
Sorry sweetie, sometimes it seems so hard to be able to connect. On the very big plus side, you have a husband who is an excellent, loving and caring father. :)
ReplyDeleteWe have told no one, and never will.
hugs
lillie
You're right! It is a very big plus! He is the best father. Makes me love him even more!!
DeleteI hope that your daughter has started to feel better! :) I haven't shared this with anyone. I have mentioned it to two people, one my best friend, who was very nasty about what she thought about this lifestyle, and another friend who said close to the same but not so vehemently. I never did tell either that we're practicing. Just said I'd read about this lifestyle and wondered their thoughts. I doubt I'll be bringing it up again soon. I really hope you're able to get maintenance in soon! :) It can be such a release and a blessing, can't it?
ReplyDeleteThat would be hard!! I would probably have a hard time not defending the lifestyle, but I guess it's not for everyone.
DeleteI *need* the maintenance! Lol!
I too hope that your daughter is feeling better!
ReplyDeleteI think Fireman has a kind heart. How nice that he wants his friend to have a better marriage.
H and I know one Dd couple in real life. We met here in blogland first. But I have never shared Dd with anyone from only my R/L.
But this post reminded me of a story that I can't write on my blog, so I'll share here.
About a year ago H came home from work and told me that his friend, a single guy co-worker with a steady girlfriend said something as he got his coat to leave.
"I'm going home to spank my girlfriend." :-o
H said nothing. But it surprised him and he knew it would make me laugh. You just never know, do you?
Thank you! She is much better!
DeleteHe does. He has the kindest heart :)
Lol, you never know!!