Requesting might be the more appropriate term. Asking for it seems like a phrase for bratting to get some attention. So, I don't like requesting it. We have had agreements in our past editions of ttwd that I will ask for it when I need or want it, then he would take care of it. He can't read my mind, he wants to know when I feel that way. It's important that I communicate my needs/wants just as it is important for him to communicate that as well. We're not great at the communication. As you may remember from earlier blog posts, we text great. We can talk all day via text. We chat about everything, about nothing, important to unimportant. But face to face, we're not so great at.
Here's the thing though... it usually doesn't happen when I make the request. That's not really a great feeling to have, to have opened up about it and then not having it. It's hard to muster up the courage to send the text about it, then awaiting the response. Sometimes it's yes okay.. or sometimes it's maybe we'll see.. or sometimes it's I don't know.
In his defense, it is always open for discussion and he does still say he wants to know. But I have since refused to ask, after it once again not happening. It seems that I need that connected feeling more often than he does and it seems to fade a little more quickly for me than it does for him. I crave that feeling often.
I crave the dominant side of him so often. He has a look that he gets when he's in that mode and it makes him even hotter than he already is. His tone of voice and mannerisms change a little. It all adds up to a very excited Elle. =) 
More than anything though, I just want to be in our little bubble. I want to know that we are good. That he is handling everything and that I'm doing what I need to do. And of course, that I'm his and that's who I belong to.
I wish we could stay in our bubble full time! I might just need to realize it's at his discretion whether it happens or not. Maybe that needs to be part of it. That might be a hard little pill to swallow though, but maybe that's part of the reason why this went wrong in the times before. I don't know that I can continue to relay that I want a session and it not be taken for exactly what I'm asking for.
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| Not us, lol |
Hope you all have a great Halloween!!!!
Xo,
Elle
It's so hard gritting your teeth and hoping they will notice when you are feeling needy. But I have learned that it really is the best thing to do. Believe me, it's taken a very long time, but now I no longer worry - Dan is going to spank, sooner or later, but he IS going to spank. The problem is, that I never know how HARD he is going to spank, or whether he will be adding pure enjoyment, or extra stingy swats to the end of the spanking.
ReplyDeleteI am positive Fireman will notice if you don't say anything - he'll notice you beginning to simmer. Anyway, I hope he does.
Have a great Halloween yourself! I am off tomorrow to take my grandkids to play Halloween games at a large pumpkin farm.
Hugs
Ami
Thanks Ami! Unfortunately, I think we have too much going on. I think he probably would eventually notice though.. but it might take way longer than I'd like, lol :)
DeleteI hear you. I hate asking sometimes because I think he should just know. I think it should be obvious what my needs are and what I am hinting at and what I need to get me back in the proper mindset. But the problem is that men and women think differently. What is obvious to us is not to them. But one thing that works for me is sending him a text when I need a spanking. Of course right now I am having second thoughts about sending him a text today
ReplyDeleteThanks Anon, could've written this exactly. I do the same thing! I send a text early on.. then by the evening I have a different idea of what should happen, lol. And you're entirely right. FM & I have talked about that- how men and women think so differently!!
DeleteElle,
ReplyDeleteYou are right! These men of ours are not mind readers. Talk it over and tell him what you need.
Meredith
FM says that all the time.. I'm not a mindreader! Sometimes I wish he was, lol. It would just be more convenient haha! Other times, I'm probably glad he isn't! LOL :)
DeleteMost if the time my Dragon can't wait to give me an adjustment on request. I hand him the paddle and get in position. What happens next is a mystery. I never know what he is going to do with my invitation.
ReplyDeleteIt's always a mystery ;)
DeleteHey Elle...I'm sure you and Fireman will work this out. One suggestion is to do what Rose does...hand him his favorite weapon and get into position...don't have to say a word. Sending lots of positive thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHugs and Blessings...
Cat
Thanks Cat :)
DeleteHi Elle, it is so hard to ask but really, it is best if we can communicate our needs. We may not get what we need when we think we need it, but sooner or later..
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
You're right!! I just need to chill on the impatience, lol :)
DeleteOh I know the answer to this
ReplyDeleteNot!
I think we should be able to ask, but the trouble is I want him to notice without me asking.i keep telling myself that I will ask and then can't.
Good luck Elle!
LOL, thanks Janey :) I've become very brave with the 'send' button on my phone. I type it out... try to force myself to not delete it and then I just hit send. :)
DeleteI can relate to this post SO SO much! Why can't they just be mind readers? It'd be so much easier! ;)
ReplyDeleteRather than coming out and requesting it, what if you leave him a note? Whether it be an email, or a sticky note on the kitchen table - Just something short and sweet that you're feeling a bit - off, and wondering if he has any idea what to do to fix that? That way you let him know you're needing it, but it still is up to him to deliver.
Just a thought. :)
Thanks Kenzie!! That's kind of where I am. I sent him a text while we were sitting across from each other at lunch yesterday, we were surrounded by other people.. but for a few minutes it was just us. :)
DeleteElle,
ReplyDeleteI think we can all relate at some time or another. It's so not easy. There have been times I have thought... Can you not SEEEEEE... The only thing I can say is, talk with him and then trust him to lead.
Thanks Dana :) That is exactly what I need to focus/work on :)
DeleteSeems to be a very common issue we all share. It definately is something still very hard for me. I worry I will sound needy, that he will just think I am really weird for having this need.... He tells me not to worry about what it sounds like but to go with my feelings. He has not let me down. Like you, we do better texting.... and so that has been my course over the past couple of months and it has worked. However what might be true and in need at 10am, will still need to be true at 10pm when you finally connect.Keep on doing what feels right and natural for you both, he will lead......
ReplyDeleteI think that's one of my fears too. I don't want to sound needy and be an annoyance! Thanks Annabelle :)
DeleteIt is completely unfair! Here I am-smart, independent, competent-a woman he is very proud to call 'his'. Toss in an apprecaition for a dsound spanking which turns on wanton, wild, willing sexuality and then tell me I have to ask for dominance?
ReplyDeleteSigh.
I just stick my ass in the air over the corner of the bed. Works every time
oh i know it's hard but i've always found that asking is always better. i know it might seem like topping from the bottom but really i don/t think it is.
ReplyDeleteconsider this - it's like saying please please give me a cuddle. only for us it's a spanking session and not just a cuddle.
BIKSS wants me to feel safe and secure. and he's not like those other power/control-hungry tops who will do ONLY as he likes with no thought for me.
there are times I am greedy. and he'll have the final say on whether i get what i want. but there are times he knows i have needs and they're real and he always ALWAYS finds a way to help me get thru my tough times.
sorry for the novel. But perhaps if a long spanking session isn't possible, how about something SHORT but effective - a different (maybe less comfortable) position or the addition of nipple clamps or something to just up the stakes a little, while still getting in just the few short spanks needed to help you feel like you're in the right space again?
sometimes i don't ask in advance. i just reach over grab a paddle or a cane and hold it out to him and say Please. he usually doesn't refuse.
Good luck.
Hope you are doing well Elle! :)
ReplyDeletePerhaps a discussion about expectations is in order? Maybe some sort of a code to use to relay to him that you don't just want some attention, but you NEED some attention? It's hard to say why he follows through sometimes and not others, but maybe just ask him.
ReplyDelete