Friday, June 7, 2013

I wonder why....

It seems driving is an easy way for me to figure things out or go through different, random thoughts. I'm in the car so often and while I'm always very alert to what's going on around me, I'm also always busy sorting things out internally. I seem to tune out the radio or movie, since the kids always want to watch a movie on even the shortest car ride, and organize thoughts. 

This morning while taking #1 to her last day of VBS, I started to wonder why ttwd works. Why does maintenance (or even punishment....) leave me in such a good headspace and leave me feeling so close to Fireman? Why does having a 60/40 or 55/45 or even 51/49 relationship work the way it does? 

I saw a comment, i think it was June (forgive me if I got it that wrong!!) made on another blog post in blogland about how equality doesn't really work. (I'll have to go back and see her exact quote, but it did have to do with equality, lol). 

I remember at the beginning of Fireman and I living together, we had an "agreement" on dishes. We'd take turns. Do you think that worked out? Nope. Not at all. Then I'd get frustrated and eventually we'd argue over something stupid. Equality didn't really work for us then, but we couldn't see it. We weren't ready to see it, I suppose.  I do this, so you have to do that, isn't the way I want to live. 

Sure, we are both equally important to our relationship. But, as fireman likes to say... Only one person can drive the car, both people in the front seat, but only one driver. I've handed over the keys for good. :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend! 


  1. Hi Elle, I do the same thing driving. Doing housework is another good time for me to process and sort out my thoughts. it's also quite often when I have 'light bulb' moments LoL.

    As you say, both partners are equally important and have a voice, but it's so much better with only one driver isn't it? :)


  2. I very rarely drive and most of the time, I am home. My thinking time is cutting the grass and my daily walk. That quiet time is my chance to figure things out.

    Equality never worked for us either. I don't think we tried very hard to make it work. The ride is so much smoother when there is only one captain? If we are both fighting for control, we sink the boat?

    1. Exactly. No sinking ships around here anymore!

  3. Who wants equality? Not me thanks very much,:)
    love Jan.xx

  4. I love love looove how Fireman puts it! That's such a good way to look at it, both in the front seat, but only one can be the driver. :)

  5. Thinking in the car is not always good for me, I end up going to the familiar places not always the right place. You make a good point about ttwd, equality doesn't work for everything

  6. Hmmm? Well I am in a ttwd relationship so one would assume that I believe that equality doesn't work, but when you describe the dishes, to me that isn't equality that is keeping score. That is different. Then again I could be just splitting hairs.

    I like how FM said that about driving. Ian said that months and months ago too ( these HoHs ... all the same LOL) To me though, the fact that one person is driving doesn't mean the other person isn't equal, just different. True one could argue that only the driver ultimately gets to choose the destination, but the passenger can choose to make the ride as miserable or as pleasurable as they decide for the other passengers.

    I guess I really am just drawing exception where there shouldn't be, but to me by deferring to my husband that doesn't make me not equal. Barney doesn't see it that way either. I guess that is truly why we call it TtWEd.

    Hope I didn't offend anyone.

    1. I think it's just terminology. I'm certainly an equal person in the relationship. I think it's more of an equality in doing things, maybe. I think I just interpreted it differently than others.
      It's kind of similar, in my opinion, to maintenance and role affirmation or whatever you want to call it. Sometimes people get all upset over that, but I might mean the same thing they do, just using different words. (Not here, on a message board I quit a long time ago!)

  7. We see ourselves as equal here, but we have chosen different roles and we agree to live within those roles. Your driver analogy works well though.

    1. I think that goes along with my reply to Willie. I'm definitely an equal person :)