Need

My husband isn't one to use the word need very often. Me? Oh, I use it daily. Hourly probably, lol. (Fireman, when you read this, don't forget I need the new iPhone lol). 

What I need is generally not stuff. We have enough stuff. My kids have too much stuff and I'm working on thinning it out. It's tricky, every time I grab something they haven't seen, talked about, or played with in a while? Nooooo! That's my favorite! I love it! I neeeed it. Lol. 
Now, I just try to clean stuff out when they're gone or busy doing something else and can't see me. 

I always say I don't can't function when FM is not here. I get in a tangled mess and feel like I'm drowning. Everything piles up, everything that could go wrong does, and I get overwhelmed. It's getting easier now, I think it's probably thanks to ttwd, but I still hate to be without him.  I hear from him more. He lets me know how he is, or that he's missing me. It makes me feel better... In the past, he's been out of town and I've only heard from him a few times for the entire duration.  We were just on separate pages. No communication. No understanding. 

All of that added up, to me, equaled that he didn't care. 

Now I understand that he did. He always has, we just weren't on the same wavelength. It goes back to that driving analogy. We were both steering, but in different directions and it wasn't working, obviously. Now, it's a different outlook for both of us. We are together, not always physically, but always mentally. 

I think I've told him a million times that I just wanted him to need me, but I never felt it. I never felt important or essential. I wanted to feel as essential to his life as he was to mine. I was, I just never felt it. 

All of that changed. 
Now I know. Now I feel it. Now I see it and I think know everyone else does, too. We've always been like magnets to each other, but now it's like a super-magnet. It is electricity. 

We are just drawn to each other. Even when we are sitting together on the couch.. We want to be touching. In the middle of the night, I'll feel him reach to me. 

He rarely says he needs anything. He never wants the newest phone. He never has the newest car or other item. He gets something he likes and stays with it. I think he's had 3 phones since we've been together. THREE. Not married, together! Almost 11 years together and 3 phones. I've probably had 11 lol. I am hard on things, I break things easily. I should really work at a testing facility for Good Housekeeping ;) 

It says a lot about him. He finds something he really likes and that's it. There's no trying to find something better, no always wanting new, bright and shiny. He wants what he has already. He makes a decision and sticks with it, confident with his choice. He doesn't usually have a need. 

Last night was different. He sent me a text when he was on his way home. I was just finishing up getting the kids' morning things ready when I got the text alert. *I'll need a quick shower, but then I need you ready for a quick maintenance session.* 

He needs me. 
And that's all I need. :) 

Xo,
Elle