Thank you all for your kind words and prayers about the baby. He did come through surgery fine. We had a couple rough patches and at one point, I thought for sure he was going back to surgery. They even called a surgeon in in the middle of the night. I had a panic attack at that moment and thought for sure I'd pass out.
This week has been so rough. Fireman is out of town, like many other firefighters this week. There's a big thing (since I don't know exactly what to call it), and many firefighters and fire-related companies head to this each year. Last year I'd managed just fine. New~ish baby, but we were okay. He was sleeping through the night, so it wasn't a particularly rough week.
This year, so much different. I'm losing my mind. I was okay Monday, even with the baby having a really tough recovery day. Even Tuesday, into Wednesday I was doing okay. Then Wednesday night it hit me. We still had a couple days before he was going to actually be home.
Bedtime has been thrown out the window. I don't think I've even gotten to the bed until after 11:30 every night this week. (Wow, just now blogger tried to eat my post. Jerk. Thank you, auto-save!). The baby has slept terribly. I've been up and down. I've had some help from my family, but not from other people that I expected to at least check on him. I'm extremely pissed about it and its completely changed our extended family dynamic. Of course, they don't know it has, because they haven't called or checked or anything... But they will. As soon as they need me for something, they'll soon find out. I'm done.
So, along with hurt, frustration, and now anger from all of that, add in little sleep, plus fireman being gone... It's not a good place for me right now.
I finally told him last night and I think he got it, but there's really nothing he can do. He's hours away. He's not alone, so he can't just leave. I'm trying to be supportive, but he's even got something Saturday after he comes back. That's when I realize even though he'll be back tonight, he'll be tired. He'll be going to sleep.. Then up early to go to another fire-related activity/training. I'll have to do Saturday alone and we have a lot scheduled. Sunday we will be together, but then Monday starts all over again and he has training that night, too.
My head is not a fun place right now. I feel like I'm being overly dramatic, but it's just all becoming a lot. My family letting me down, being alone... And even after he comes back I'm going to be alone again.. it's just too much.