Wednesday, March 13, 2013

On the mend :)

I didn't think it would take very long.. I can't stay away from him. Even when I'm so mad or upset, he's my magnet. Something in him pulls at something in me.  He is impossible not to talk to, not to text. He smiles and I melt. Don't get me started on if he winks at me.... :) 

I think I lasted until 11 on Monday. I told myself I was not going to text him, that I was going to wait and let him initiate the conversation. Did that work? No. I can't stand it. I want to know what he's thinking, where he is, and how he's feeling. Even if I'm mad at him. 

We are passionate, we always have been. We fight, we make up. This scene is perfectly us. We live an amazingly love-filled life. But, we do fight. Sometimes I'll hear other people say oh, we never fight or argue. We just get along all the time.  I wouldn't trade with them, not for one second. 

I wasn't sure, however, if I could continue ttwd. It's just so vulnerable and when you're upset with the other person... It's hard to give them that control. It's hard to get your mind to realize that other person loves you more than anything and that you can do this. Maybe it's not like that for you experienced dd'ers. Maybe you get to that point where even if you don't want to, or thing you can, you still go otk/otb. 

That's where I'm going to be though. No more taking back consent. I know that's the big no-no for the wife. Whereas the husband's is don't spank in anger, the wife's is don't take back consent. I do feel really badly about it. I know it was wrong. I will not do it again and I have been told it won't matter anyway. We aren't quitting ttwd and if I were to take back consent,  you will have red streaks on your ass

We texted and texted Monday and Tuesday. He apologized. I apologized. We worked things out. We were honest and truthful, I think. And we are going to work on this, work on us. We aren't quitting ttwd. It's too beneficial, too good for us. It might not go perfectly everyday, but we will continue on. 

He said we are going to start over, from square one. He wants to work on his consistency, so he wants to start out with only a few rules and try to enforce them if needed. We are going to write them in our day one journal app (it has a passcode) and add to them when we need to. 

I think it's going to work and our dd life is definitely on the mend :) 



  1. That's great news, I'm happy for you! :)

    The one time I did suggest we just quit DD he just flat out said "No" and I was left a little stunned. Then he says something to the effect of It's working and we aren't stopping unless you have a really good reason.
    Even though I was quite furious with him at the time I'm relieved I didn't push to end it then.

  2. Hey Elle

    I'm pleased for you guys. You're love for each other always wins and that is so nice to see.

    Yes taking back consent is a big no no, but it happens to us all. Keep working on it, you'll get there :)

    Lots of love your way x

  3. Thats really good news sweetie, I am glad , things are going to work out for you both I am sure, love Janxx

  4. Hey happy to hear that you two are speaking and your journey seems to be back on track. Sending positive energy your way that it continues.


  5. I'm so glad to hear that things are going better! Hopefully you've left that funk far behind you! ♥♥

  6. Sounds like some really, really good steps forward Elle!

  7. Hi Elle, I'm so glad to hear that you to are communicating and working your way back to each other and to ttwd.


  8. Hi Elle,
    Keep us posted. I'm curious to see what the start-up rules will be on the second round. Will they be the same or has experience refined your perspective.

  9. May you be truely blessed by your commitment and love for one another. Happy for you both, -Belle L.

  10. I'm glad you are both better and working it out. It's not always easy but it is worth it.


  11. Elle, sweetie..."It's hard to give them that control. It's hard to get your mind to realize that other person loves you more than anything and that you can do this."'s EXACTLY like this for us experienced DD-ers, at least it is for me. DD is really about building that trust, that close your eyes and leap kind of faith in him, in each other. So when he wants to discipline me and I don't agree...I close my eyes and just do it. I have faith that we will work through whatever we have to, and that at very least, his intentions are trust worthy. That took quite a while to build to. Expecting that in your first year of DD is too tall of an order, or it was for me.

    Our marriage is very passionate too, and yes, we do fight. Which is one of many reasons why DD has been such a God-send for us? It helps us navigate and resolve those arguments better. But it also made it harder in some ways. I am certainly not a "natural" submissive!

    I learned over time that withdrawing consent was an emergency, stop everything and re-evaluate your marriage kind of move. It is like dialing 911. You just don't do it unless there is a true emergency. And there are penalties for misusing that control, the safety net we do and always will have to withdraw consent. A big punishment would be the least of your problems. The lapse of trust, commitment, and the hurt would be huge.

    I hope you feel proud of yourselves that you've come this far!