Thursday, August 22, 2013


After about 2 hours.... omg has it really been 2 hours?!?!.. of looking for a new background and trying to apply it to my Elle's World page, I think it finally worked.  I swear, blogger hates me.  What did I ever do to you, blogger???

I've got a couple comments to reply to, but one was posted this morning and it really rang true.  Willie commented to say  "...You are both realizing things about each other, and your relationship, so you can't get 'BACK' you have to find a NEW feeling of connection."  Wow, how true is that? It really hit me then.  

I've been so hung-up on the idea of going back, that I couldn't see the real picture.  It's not possible for us to go back.  Just like we can't go back to anything that has happened that neither of us is happy with.  We can't go back to where we were.  It's impossible, both figuratively and literally.  

After the way I felt, I couldn't just go back to things the way they were.  Ttwd... had ultimately failed me, I felt.  I think we all start out with these expectations of how domestic discipline will change us in all positive ways and change our significant others in all these positive ways. While that certainly happens, it does NOT happen overnight and doesn't come with some negatives, too.

I am a perfectionist, I can't help it.  It's always been that way.  If things aren't perfect, it drives me nuts.  Do you know how many times I've not gone to church because I couldn't find something acceptable (to me) to wear? Too many to count.  I get this idea, then I can't get past it.  If it's not this or that specifically, it's not good enough, it's never going to work, I can't do it.  It's exhausting, but unfortunately, there's no on/off switch in my brain for me to fix it.  

Ttwd helped saved my marriage, no doubt.  He knows it and I know it.  He has said it over the past week.  He wasn't trying to pressure me into a dd relationship and he was even afraid of talking about it too much and running it into the ground (his words, not mine).  

I wanted more.  I wrote that in my last post, I was just so hurt over not feeling important and this being the one thing that would help me feel important.  Going back was something I couldn't make sense in my head.  

Today, I realized that it's only forward.  We can begin a dd relationship, but it's not and can't be like it was.  That is the only thing that is impossible.  It's not impossible for us to achieve that level of closeness again.  It's certainly not impossible to incorporate spanking into our lives.  Rules still need to be there.  The laundry isn't going to do itself! Lol!

I sent a text... and we continued to work out things that way.  I told him I would jump in, but with a time limit to reevaluate.  In a month, we'll see where we are, discuss where we're going, and if this is what we are continuing.  I can't foresee a reason we wouldn't, but I didn't see this happening either.  I needed a disclaimer, I guess. 

Immediately, I felt the stress lift away from my shoulders.  I think he felt empowered again immediately, too. After texting for a few minutes, he sent me a message that made me realize I'd made the right decision: *I feel like you've forgotten or lost sight of the fact that you belong to me.  It gives me doubts and sends MY mind to dark places.*    

Now, I get it.  He understands completely.  *Look at you putting your HoH hat right back in place.*
*Lol. Yes you're damn right I'm putting the hat back on.  But something else that's going to change, I will do a better job of telling you how I feel. I WILL try and do a better job of having more frequent dates with just us also.*

We are just going to keep the rules we had, but since they've been non-existent for so long, I asked for a reminder.  They were on the journal app, but I don't have access to it when he isn't home.  I came up with a great idea.. a private blog for just the two of us.  I added a new blog, so it will show up on our dashboard, and we will be able to write any and everything down in it.  It's private, so I won't have to worry about anyone seeing on my phone, and it's accessible from wherever we are.  Perfect!

We are also going to make it a point to actually talk to each other face to face.  Here we are, having been together for over 10 years and we are barely comfortable speaking face-to-face about important issues.  That is not okay with me! He agrees.  

I'm feeling so much better about everything.  I still need to realize there will always be ups and downs, but that it is fine.  We are fine, we're going to be fine, and everything is fine even when it's a little chaotic.  

Hope you all have a great evening! :)


  1. YAY! <- that was for the Blog!

    Elle, I am happy for you. I too am a perfectionist, only where myself is concerned. I also have a habit of seeing 3 steps down the road, and plan and worry about them. Barney is a "take them as they come" kind of guy. This makes life very interesting. It has caused many of our issues in the past. BUT>>>> Barney was like FM and didn't tell me all he was feeling and thinking, so that just made me come up with my own reasonings. NOT a good place.
    It took him a while to get to the opening up point. Please be patient with each other and flexible with your timeline. Don't start fretting in week 3 of 4 okay? Promise me if you start to feel like you are getting spinny because things appear not to be making progress, you will start to talk to FM right away about it? It is best ( so I am learning still) to nip it in the bud. Heck even next week....also send that little disclaimer that you are expressing your fears not criticising him. So difficult all of this.

    I'm not trying or pretending to have all the answers. The comments above are merely struggles that we have come across while working on ttwd!

    I know this stumbling block of yours will also change into a building block, like it did for us.

    (PS we have a private blog too )

  2. Hey Elle :)

    I'm really pleased to read this. You have a second chance to do things differently now. Grab this opportunity and go with it. Make TTWD yours. A perfect mold to fit you two as a couple. Go with your own feelings and choose a path that leads your marriage. Forget about everyone else and what you've read or heard round blog land. There is no right or wron way to do this, but it should be focused on what you need in your relationship.

    Look forward as you said, what's in the past is to learn from, but it's the steps you take forward now, are what's important.

    Hugs x

  3. Hi Elle,

    I'm so sorry I missed commenting on you previous posts. I'm so sorry you have been through such a rough time but am so happy to read this. That you are working on a way forward, that works for you. Sometimes we do need to stop, step back and reevaluate things and make changes. We are going through a similar process at the moment.

    I totally agree with Willie and Missy above. You need to make TTWD fit you as a couple. Keep the communication going and you will work through this together.


  4. Elle,

    Find what works for you guys. The Man is forever saying, we are NOT everybody else.. We are us and it will look like what we need it to look like. I am glad you are finding peace. I would encourage you, find joy, something about your man that melts your insides... Everyday. Even when it is tough.

  5. Elle, love how he put his HOH hat right back on. :) But love even more that you guys are looking into ways to make DD, and your marriage better. A private blog, more dates, and face to face talks, what a great way to make sure you're talking to each other on a regular basis. :) I love how you're thinking outside the box, and personalizing everything so that it makes YOUR marriage work. :) :) Wish I could give you a real hug. :) {{{HUGS}}}