Unfortunately Submissive Saturday did not go as I had planned in my head. I really thought this post, of Submissive Saturday #1, would be a lot different. I guess it was unrealistic to think that we could pull it off. I wish we were the type of couple that could, but we just aren't.
In all honesty, I'm amazed that ttwd has come as far as it has. We are semi-creatures of habit. We don't handle change very well. One or both of us always has some kind of issue and change doesn't work for us.
Getting something started and actually seeing it through and finishing it, is not my husband's strong suit. I'm not being disrespectful, it's true and he knows it. My kitchen was redone 6 years ago. 6. It's still not 100% complete. It is an actual genetic trait he inherited from his father. They have a tendency to start many projects, but never get around to seeing them through. To be fair, he is certainly not as bad as he used to be, but it's still not great.
Submissive Saturday is a perfect example.
Friday we texted about it during the day, but all we ever came to a conclusion about was that we would finalize plans and come up with something to work on later. When 'later' came, he ended up going to hang out with some of his fireman friends. I eventually texted him to say we never came up with anything.
He was busy playing games with them and it took him a few minutes each time to text back and forth. It was absolutely fine that he went. I just hated that he swore we'd work on us and we didn't. I swear it's always one step forward and fourteen back.
I did finally get something through his head Friday night.. That he could absolutely make requests of me that and that I would comply. He is the most creative person.... Until it comes to ttwd. He said he might just wake me up if I were asleep when he got home. I can't stop thinking about those pink panties. You do know you could say you want me in nothing but those panties when you get home, right? I think the thought never crossed his mind. He doesn't see the things he could incorporate into our life that would make me feel instantly submissive. Giving me a specific clothing request for bed? Yum, yes please.
That clicked in his head, so I complied. It was late when he got home, so I was very asleep, lol. He did enjoy the fulfilled request and made up for waking me up. ;)
I woke up Saturday ready to go. I made breakfast and let him sleep until it was ready. I was hoping for something, but I don't know exactly what. I guess some sort of dominance from him. Some direction of what we were going to work on yesterday. I probably would've done anything... But nothing. We had a fun family day in the pool and I got some sun (yay!!). We came in, showered and got the baby down for a nap.
Finally at 5:30pm, I asked. Oh no, uh, yeah we did. We came up with um, you following directions. Me:??? What? When? Last night. You, uh. Well... Yeah. Exactly. Maybe you should've told me that before 5:30. And maybe you could've actually given me some direction if that were the case.
That was the end of that discussion. I hate feeling like I'm running the show. Isn't that what ttwd is supposed to help? Me not running everything? But I still feel like I do.
To top of the failure of Submissive Saturday #1, I sent him a text with our code word that means I need maintenance. He completely forgot what the word meant. Nice. I sent the word along with some innuendo. So... What happened when we went to bed? Nothing. He completely fell asleep. Then he wonders what my problem is today. I don't feel close. He completely blew off yesterday, then was so tired from being up too late with his friends the night before, that he couldn't be up late with me. No maintenance. Nothing.
I'm over bringing up stuff for us. I love this man more than anything, but sometimes he makes me feel unimportant. I'm always the one suggesting a date, a lunch, a fun thing for us to do, a changing way of life (lol), but I'm really over it. I don't feel like giving any more hints and suggestions.
Even this morning I was half-awake trying to list together ideas for a Submissive Sunday since Saturday didn't work. But it just doesn't feel like that should be my job.
I'm sure you guys are over reading one good post, one whiny post. I'm tired of writing them.