Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Looking to Friday

I'm not one to wish time away. I don't like how fast the time passes and seeing my kids get bigger. Every. Single. Day. Stop growing up so fast! Lol.  The baby has passed up #2 in weight. She's super tiny, but still. There are two years between them. #1 is my happy big-girl, kindergartener. I feel like it was just yesterday they were all born. 

I am looking forward to Friday though. Counting down the days, hours, minutes.  I haven't had a full night's sleep in I don't know how long. I've been having serious trouble falling asleep. My 9:30 bedtime hasn't been practiced in over a week. It's 11, 11:30, even 12 before I fall asleep. I try. Hard. But falling asleep takes forever. 

Then with #2 being sick, she's been not sleeping well and getting up in the middle of the night multiple times. I try not to let her wake up fireman. He can't be a zombie at work all day. At least here, I can turn on Disney channel and rest my eyes. Or impossibly try to get everyone down for a nap at the same time, lol. 

With sick kids and exhausted parents, there is no maintenance happening here again. No maintenance = non-submissive Elle. I need that role affirmation and knowing he's in control. Lately it feels like no one's in control and this bus is heading off a cliff, lol. 

I haven't been keeping up with things like I'm supposed to. No reading that financial book. No making sure laundry is done everyday. No rule enforcement at all. It's slightly frustrating. I know I shouldn't need him to make sure I'm getting stuff done like I want to. I shouldn't need the threat of a non-good girl spanking to get my tasks completed. But I kind of do. I don't think he wants to be super strict, I'm not sure I want him to be either. Sometimes I do. Other times...nope. 

Submission feeds dominance. Dominance feeds submission. But if neither is happening, it's a little chicken & egg, don't you think? Which comes first? 

Friday. I have a lot of expectations out of Friday, which is probably bad. I don't have specific expectations, so maybe it won't be a failure. Hopefully and with no unforeseeable issues, the kids will be staying all night with their grandparents on Friday.  That means a whole evening, night, and morning for just my fireman and I. 

I would love to go out for dinner, just because I have yet to eat one full meal of mine this week lol. It doesn't matter if the same thing is on their plates, mine is obviously more appealing, lol. I don't think I even care where, just as long as its the two of us together. He said maybe a movie, too.. But that doesn't matter to me either. 

I just want the time. Then I want my long overdue maintenance. Even if I get it between now and then, which is entirely possible, I still want it then. Maybe even twice. Before we go and after we get back. I want to be submissive Elle. :)  

Maybe we could even practice some him being more dominant/me being more submissive exercises. I don't know what they could be, so suggestions are welcome! I'm just wanting to make the most of our time. It's been a while since we had time for us and I know we need the refresh of ttwd :) 


Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Life. Again.

This will probably end up in a million directions. I have no clear vision like I usually do, of what I want to write. I think I'm finally caught up on reading everyone's blogs. I hate missing a few days and trying to catch up. I get everyone confused, lol. 

Life is back, getting in the way again, lol. #2 is now sick. She has had super high fevers and I took her to the doctor. He put her on an antibiotic and I'm hoping it starts working really soon. She's so pitiful, I hate it :( 

We are still living dd, but we had a setback this weekend. We were going to go out on Saturday and do something fun as a family, but that's when #2 began to feel bad. We decided to get some lunch from somewhere and eat in. I found a coupon and told him all about it. Fireman left to get it and about 30 minutes later, came back and couldn't tell me what he got. Immediate aggravation. I knew he did not listen to what I said. That goes right through me. 

All day I spend with kids and babies. Do they listen to me? No. I repeat myself all day long. It seriously makes me feel awful when he doesn't listen to me. I know it was completely trivial, but it spiraled out of control. 

In my head, I quit dd. 

I didn't say it though. I think that's another point of proof that ttwd changes you (in a good way). Before, I would spout off whatever thought came into my head. Venom. It just made everything worse. And while I'm sure even Fireman will tell you, I still have a tendency to get mouthy during an argument. That part of me is not fixed. But I don't say every mean thing I can think of. 

We definitely needed to both handle the situation better, but he apologized for not listening and then getting loud with me.  We are a work in progress. It just takes effort. Which reminds me. If you haven't yet, read Ward & June's post about effort. It is so good. :) 

I think this post is probably unfinished and doesn't make a lot of sense. Having little sleep in the past two days is really messing with my brain... Maybe I'll be able to get a nap in today. Probably not, but it sounds good! Lol :) 


Thursday, February 21, 2013

Meme stolen from Hermione

Hermione stole this from SNP and I thought it was cute, so I'm stealing it too, lol. Feel free to steal from me! 

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
   Closed. Our room isn't big enough to have them opened all the time, but that would drive mr crazy!! 
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
   No. I don't usually like the brands they use. But I love Hermione's answer! She does and donates them! 

3. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
   I try to only cut out the ones I use..

4. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
     Um. Why do I have to be attacked?! I think I could get away from a bear. And I have a sort of allergy to some bees.. 

5. Do you always smile for pictures?
    Always :).
6. What is your biggest pet peeve?
    You're, your /their, they're, there misuse. Omg! Especially by teachers and campaign ads!! And when people say "seen" for saw. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! 

7. What size is your bed?
   Queen .

8. What's your least favorite movie?
   Harry Potter. Or the Lord of the Rings movies. Yuck. My kids and fireman love the HP movies, so I can tolerate them. I just can't get into them. 

9. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
    Honey or Honey Mustard. 

10. What is your favorite food?
      Italian and Mexican. .
11. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
      Sweet Home Alabama, Elf, Just Go With It, there are probably too many to name! 

12. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
      Never. I had zero interest in it. 
13. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
       I don't think so. Id have photos taken in a sexy way, but only for Fireman!! 

14. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
      Just last night to #1's teacher. 

15. Favorite kind of sandwich?
      Tomato and mozzarella from Panera. 

16. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
      Pancakes, biscuits and gravy, French toast. Breakfast is my favorite meal!! 
17. What is your usual bedtime?
  My set bedtime is 9:30, but I try to be asleep by 10. 

18. Are you lazy?
      I don't think you can be with 3 kids and 1 more to babysit each day.  
19. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
      No. I used to get InStyle and Parents, but not anymore. 
20. Do you sing in the car?
21. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
      I love Target, but it's about an hour from here. I try to avoid Wal-Mart, so I usually go to Kroger.
22. What's your favorite color?
      Jungle Green, Cerulean, and Hot pink. :) 
      I like crayola crayons, lol. 

23. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
      Tucked in, that's how FM likes it. 

24. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
      No, I'm not tall enough, lol. 

25. Do you like to use post-it notes?
      I do. I make notes all the time :)



I took another day away from blogger yesterday. I actually even tried to stay away from Facebook too. My fb friends are getting slightly annoying.. Especially one 20ish year old who I can't delete, because we are related, but feels the need to post every single thought she has every few minutes. It's no wonder she can't get keep a job. She can't stay away from posting the dumbest things on Facebook. Not my point... Lol 

Anyway, I truly appreciate all of your heartfelt comments on my last post, and fireman does too. He told me last night while I was otb/otk, but I'll get there in a minute. 

I don't like being in the place that I was when I wrote the last post. I hate feeling that way, I hate thinking that way.. And I definitely hate being distant from my favorite person in the world.  We reconnected the night I posted that, but then yesterday fell back into the spiral of doom. A few texts misinterpreted and taken the wrong way... With replies that didn't help anything since they were misinterpreted anyway.. It was a mess. 

We got past it way faster than usual. Chalk another one up for ttwd. 

He sent a mood changing text. *I'm sorry for the misunderstanding and confusion.*

*It's just frustrating because it seems like we are never on the same page with the dd stuff.*

*Ok. Explain.

* I don't know. We just aren't.* (I wasn't trying to be vague. I was trying to get the kids lunch and text him at the same time. It was hard to focus, but we were communicating effectively, so I didn't want to stop!!) 

*Well, Monday was a disaster. Last night (Tuesday) was what it was, though all day it had been my intention to spank. So I figured we'd try tonight. All I know is to jump back in and do it every opportunity we get. But I think we have to get back on the same page. We have to. Do you agree?

Seriously, I have the greatest husband ever. I know, I say that all the time, lol. But it's true. 

After everything settled that evening, I got a good workout in, we got the kids in bed, he said let's go to our room. I didn't exactly know he meant for a spanking, lol. It was late, so I just climbed up into bed like normal.. Then he turned the light on lol. I was like a deer in headlights. 

I got into position and he started talking. I thought of how Emi said H likes to get her into spanking position, then have a discussion. It was exactly that way. But, I liked it. It made me completely focus on what he was trying to say. No distractions like iPhones or iPads, television or kids, there weren't even other thoughts trying to overtake his words in my head. I was listening

He asked for my input a couple times, while rubbing and sometimes squeezing. We were close, too. Close in proximity, close emotionally. This new, weird positioning of over his knee, over the bed, his left arm horizontally on my back, right arm delivering the contact to my presented behind. It works. 

She just needs blonde hair to be me, lol
He broke my hairbrush.. Lol. Not this time, but the time before, so he got creative with another household item. It was definitely a stress reliever and I was reminded that hanging up on him was is a rule. The new household item makes a lasting impression. I think I'm still feeling it today... 

Things are much better here. I think Submissive Elle is even back from her long vacation! :) 


--> spankful for Bas :)

  1. Hi Elle,
    This is my first comment here. But I hope to come back.
    BTW, great blogname: DD Fire, I have already seen some of that fire in your posts. I hope your fireman is really good at extinguishing.
    Communication is the core of every DD relation. 
    I have even made it a rule: always tell everything. It is forbidden to just tell what you think the other likes to hear.
    Oh, and rules work both ways!

    Please, could you get rid of the word verification?

My very first comment from Bas was so helpful. Always tell everything. Not just what you think the other likes to hear. It rang true then and still rings true now. :) 
Lol. Plus, he helped me get rid of that awful word verification ;)

Thanks for being there for all of us, Bas!! It's clear all of Blogland appreciates you and your lovely other half and the stories, wisdom, and love you share with all of us!


Tuesday, February 19, 2013


I feel like I'm failing... At everything. 

I don't want this to be an 'ohhh, woe is me' post. I don't want to sound whiny or sound like I'm doing nothing but complaining, but I'm just blah.  I can't get anything done, I'm exhausted, I just don't feel very well overall. I'm even behind on blogging and reading everyone else's blogs. 

Valentine's day was amazing. I was it expecting a card at all. Then to find a super sweet card was just icing. I made him a yummy dinner that he wanted, then chocolate covered strawberries too.  We watched some television together, he gave the girls their cards and boxes of candy. I completely melted then. They were beaming that their daddy had gotten them valentines. 

It was super cute, I was in the grocery store and I texted fireman to see if he wanted me to pick them up some chocolates too. I wasn't sure exactly what he'd say, they did not need more candy of course, lol. Then his quick reply **Sure!** I was thinking these girls have their daddy wrapped and I love it. I do not have a good relationship with my dad. I never did, even when I was little. I want them to have the best relationship so desperately. I know they will. Fireman is the best father I could've picked for my babies. 

A migraine hit me on Valentines night... So instead of him getting me into bed the way he (and I!!) wanted, he got me in, turned off all the lights and shut the door. Friday night I had a movie date with a friend and he waited up for me. We got our Valentines night then ::wink::

The weekend wasn't too bad. It was mostly quiet and uneventful. I was just exhausted all weekend and I didn't get much done. I don't know what's going on with it. The kids were unusually loud and I didn't have much patience, but I still loved having them home and #1 not being in school. 

Then the bomb that was yesterday. Murphy's Law. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. Tea spilled all over the place. One baby waking up the other baby, then screaming for an hour. Exhaustion. Headache. Broken appliances. #3 getting in the dog water and cat litter. So much went wrong. 

I hung up on fireman. Go ahead. Reread it, but you read it correctly the first time. 

I knew he was upset with me. He was home later than normal, here for about 20 minutes before the weekly fire meeting. We barely spoke. He got home around 9:15 and did a few things before he said let's go to the bedroom

No. I'm just really not in the mood for that right now. (Submissive Elle is somewhere in Africa at this point). 

I don't care. Lets go

I sit completely still on our couch. I know I agreed to this life. I know it's what I want(ed). But I can't get my head to be in the right place. My brain just won't tell my legs to walk to our room. No

He just looked at me, eventually he went to eat his dinner. 

I went to bed. 

Epic fail. 

I've read posts by other women and have seen where they wouldn't submit to a punishment. And I never understood. I would just think that's exactly what you wanted, what is your deal?

Why? Why does this happen? Why can't I just shut up and go into our room like I was told? It is what I wanted. It is the lifestyle I agreed upon. 

I'm just confused. And exhausted. 


Thursday, February 14, 2013

Best. Card. Ever.

We don't usually do a big Valentine's Day. I don't think I've ever gotten a heart-shaped box of candy, rarely flowers, but occasionally I did/do get a card. I don't think FM believes in Valentine's Day that much. 

With Christmas, then my birthday, and then usually by V-day, I don't need anything. Plus, I really don't need one day to show or receive love. Even before dd, I knew he loved me. Now, living dd, I truly know and feel the love (hahaha no pun intended, even though I do feel it, too!!).  I do love flowers, but I don't want them just because a holiday says you should send them. I'd rather get them in the days before or the days after a candy coated holiday because he wants to send them (or bring them personally). 

We had really already taken care of gifts, I thought. Fireman was looking at some fire-themed apparel from an online store that is really cool. He was showing me stuff, but he wouldn't order. He doesn't like to spend money, especially on himself. I had seen a new shirt they had just released that I liked, too, so I suggested a trade. He'd let me buy him the things he'd shown me, he could buy me the new shirt and we'd call it Vday gifts and be even. Win-win! Lol. 

This morning, I got up a little later than I had intended. I stayed up watching a game that didn't end the way I wanted, lol. But he let me watch it and didn't complain about it being late. We really reconnected last night too. 

We had a really good conversation yesterday. I actually started a post about it, but didn't get to finishing it. Maybe another time... 
We talked about how he hasn't been much on enforcing any rules (not that I break many) and how we haven't gotten back into our rhythm. I am having a hard time getting things done and we haven't been talking like we need to. 

He informed me we would be getting back to it last night. He was serious. He was done with me back talking and tired of being off track. I was nervous, I really didn't know what to expect. Up to this point, spankings weren't really that bad. I knew at some point intensity would increase, but for now I knew I could handle it. 

He had a plan. Shower first. Okay, what's next? You don't need to worry about what's next. I have a plan. I drive him crazy asking to fill me in. Not very interesting shower together.. I think I was unintentionally being a little defiant. It's just that submissive Elle seemed to have packed her bags for a long vacation. 

We watched the first part of my game together.. But then at halftime, directions to go in our room. No panties. Damn, I wasn't going to ask but clearly he means business. We figured out a new position that might work better for us. It's sort of half over his knee, half kneeling on a little stool, half on the bed. Lol. I know sounds weird,but it worked. 

No talking from you, except for when you're supposed to. Supposed to? Oh.. Counting. So off he went. Rubbing, switching up implements, rubbing. He went longer than usual. He rubbed for a few minutes afterward. I was mostly in the right headspace. I probably could've used more, but then more um... Reconnecting after helped me completely get there :)  submissive Elle is on her way back. 

So, back to this morning.. #1 brought me an envelope she found when she was getting ready for school. She said this has your name on it.. Where's mine? Lol.. So now daddy has to get his girls a card too! They're definitely old enough to need and want one from him. So sweet. 

The card is absolutely without a doubt the sweetest card he's ever given me.  He usually makes his own, which I love. We all know how hard it is to find a non-cheesy card, lol. 
This is the actual card :)

Inside he wrote (which I hope he doesn't mind me sharing...) ... I'm not underlining this entire piece like I usually do to represent his words. He underlined some in it and I want that to show :)

I really hate trying to buy store bought cards, but this hits the mark pretty well. I can't believe we ever got to this place. Looking back, I knew I loved you when I first saw you, but so much of our time had been like living parts of The Notebook it's what we did, love-fight, love-fight, love-fight. But THIS... This is something special. This is what I wish for, for so many unhappily married people I know. I wish others would feel and know the love, the joy, the blessing that you are to me. I'm the lucky one. I'm blessed. But only because you have my heart. I love you is much. You make my dreams come true. Happy Valentine's Day

Best. Husband. Ever. 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Monday, February 11, 2013

Dd on tv?

I forgot I was going to write this post earlier this week, after I saw it. Then with the flu, the reconnecting and the busy~ness, I forgot. 

I don't know if many of you watch The Bachelor on ABC. If you're entirely unfamiliar, the concept is 1 guy, 25 women.. Different dates, "cocktail parties," all for throne guy to find his match. I can't remember how many seasons they've had. 12 maybe? A few seasons of The Bachelorette also, but they rarely stay together. Still, it's mostly fun to watch. 

On the last episode, I think this one actually aired Tuesday 2/5/13, one of the girls did something at the cocktail party that I found very interesting. She said.. And I'm completely paraphrasing.. She wanted him to know that she trusted him to lead her. She was going to let go and let him have the control. 

She pulled out a blindfold and handed it to The Bachelor. She said she couldn't stand being blindfolded, but she really wanted him to know she was serious. He looked a little confused at first, but then I think he got it. 

He took the blindfold from her and gently placed it over her eyes. He held her hand and helped her stand, then led her to a different area. She was scared and visibly nervous, but she was committed to that moment and to being led by him. At one point he actually picked her up and carried her.  

He sat her down on a cute little bench seat and told her.. "Don't take that off." (Immediately it hit me! That was a very HoH thing to say!!!). She sat there for a quick moment, still blindfolded, but listening to him, waiting to see what happened next. He kissed her, then after the kiss was over, he removed the blindfold. 

It was like an exercise of dd/ttwd. Not really in those exact words, but it could've been. I didn't bring it up to my fireman, but he did see it too. I'll have to see what he thought about it!! 
Did anyone else see it? 


Saturday, February 9, 2013

Smooth sailing...

Lately around here, it's been smooth sailing.. But how long will that last? I try to just focus on the positive. Even if another bump comes, I think we will know how to handle it. My fireman has said he will not let it get to two weeks again. I don't think he will let it even go a couple days. 

We were on an every-other-day maintenance schedule. I liked it. (Maybe Mrs. D is right, maybe I am a spanko, lol). I love knowing he's in control. I love the role affirmation. Of course I love the connection it brings us. I know FM had said he is more confident since beginning ttwd. He's been more confident in all areas, not just our relationship. I love that, too. He deserves that self-confidence. :) 

We aren't back to every-other-day yet, but we are back. We had our first reconnection-type spanking session on Wednesday. Then extra maintenance on Thursday. Nothing last night, we'll have to see what happens tonight. I'm going to wear super-cute panties just in case, lol :) 

Today has been a great lazy Saturday. We watched the Adam Sandler movie Hotel Transylvania with the kids (cute little movie, btw). I had a little errand to run with our girls, watched some college basketball. Nothing big and exciting, but a little while ago he grabbed my hand while we were sitting on opposite ends of the couch. 

It's not a bold affirmation of his love for me, like spanking or sex, but it's a little reminder. We are in this together. He's always there for me. I'm here for him. I love this renewed connection we have. 

Hope everyone has a great weekend!! 
Elle :) 

Thursday, February 7, 2013


It had been two weeks... 14 days... 336 hours... 20,160 minutes. Lol :) 

It may have technically been a few hours & minutes less, because I'm pretty sure the spanking that occurred two weeks ago was at bedtime, where yesterday's (yes, yesterday's!!!!) spanking was earlier in the evening. 

 #1 was is feeling much better, thank you all for the well-wishes!! She tested positive for the flu at the doctor, fought a hard battle, but is finally beginning to feel better. Nothing worse than seeing your baby sick and not being able to do much about it, I know everyone can attest to that. 

My fireman had just gotten home and I told him I needed a nap and a shower. I slept napped on the couch with #2 the previous night, continuously waiting for #1, who was sleeping on the love seat, to get sick again. Thankfully, it never happened. I think she was over the final hurdle. But I was just exhausted. I got the girls' hair fixed and they ran out the door before saying goodbye, lol. They were so excited to see the sun! 

The baby was starting to whine and get cranky, we both knew a nap was really needed. Fireman laid him down, I was just sitting on the couch. He went to our room, walked over in front of me and said let's go in there. Wha? Oh, we are alone? Baby is asleep, or on his way! It is quiet! I hadn't even seen the opportunity, lol. 

Wait, I have to get a quick shower and wash my hair. The look. No, really. I'll hurry, I'm not trying to get out of it, I swear. Okay. I'm not going to get in with you in case they come back or want to come home. Well, that sucks, but okay. 

I didn't take any extra time, just quickly showered, shampooed, and conditioned. Dried off, combed my hair, walked to our room. I grabbed a tank and panties and 'assumed the position' as he says. 

He did an extra long, light warm-up and I completely forgot to count. He climbed up on the bed at some point and kind of sat on my knees. He was getting his next two implements and I'm not sure if he sat on my legs so he could reach my ass better or if it was for my to not kick my legs... I don't kick them out of pain, it's just habit. My legs go up, lol. 

The beginning half of the spanking was pretty yummy.. But then the hairbrush. I always wonder what I was thinking when I bought it! But, if its not used too hard, it's not that bad, but on those ouchy strikes... Owwwwww. He kept rubbing the cool wood over my behind, pick it up, smack. Wiggle. 

I tried to not comment, but at the end, I was like okayyyyyy aren't you done yet

How long have we been doing this

Like, this time? I dunno! 

No. We've been doing this for how long? And what's our procedure?

Our procedure?  Then it hit me. 


How many is it

Exactly. Then he said the number. 

So I counted the last few and I won't forget to count again. He reminded me of a few things I was supposed to be doing. Ultimately, it reminded me of our roles and that we are in this together. 

Then when he sat near me as I was curled up, I knew we were where we are supposed to be. My world is right again. :) 


Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Real life friends..

Well, I realized when replying to Susie on my last post that I am jinxing us. Every time I say 'we are going to have a reconnecting maintenance session tonight' something crazy happens and we don't get to. 

Yesterday, #1 woke up with a fever. No school for her. Tylenol for her and she played with #2 quietly for most of the day. Mostly they played together nicely on the iPad. My mother-in-law took the girls so I could take the baby to his class. She went to her mothers and the girls love it there. She is a junk-food junkie and will give them bags of candy and powdered donuts to bring home. Only after they've eaten some at her house too, lol. 

#1 fell asleep there at 7:15. She slept in the car, slept when I brought her in, and while I was taking her temperature. 102. Rats! No school again and definite doctor appointment for today. I'm just waiting for the office to open, so I can call and make her an appointment. 

I had just laid her in our bed and since she was sick, fireman wanted her downstairs in case she needed us. I agreed, but I also knew what that meant. No maintenance for us. Our bedroom is way too close to the living room. 

No more jinxing! When it happens, it will happen. 

I started thinking about my comparison of real-life friends to blogger friends. More than once, Fireman has told me how he wished he could share this thing we do with his best friend. 

They are a couple that doesn't spend a lot of time together, never talks, has some problems. Probably more serious problems than I even know. My fireman wants them to have the closeness that we have, the renewed look on life. All of the positive things you can think of that come as a side-effect of domestic discipline. 

But he knows he can't tell them. 

Have you ever shared this with anyone in real life? 


Monday, February 4, 2013

Weekend recap...

** this ended up longer than I intended! :) 

I think we are getting back on track. I don't know that it's back to 100%, but it's not as distant here as it was last week. 

I don't like it. I don't like the accidental break we took. Anytime there is a change, I generally am not a fan. I like a routine, knowing what's expected or preferred and no surprises. It's been weird here for so long! 

I appreciate all of the comments left on my last post. I love Blogland and all of you so much. There is so much support and friendship here. It's probably better than real-life friendship, lol. Here, you all know everything. IRL, I'd never talk about sex or domestic discipline. My real-life friends and family know what I look like and how I talk, but you all know our lives and how we live. It's an interesting difference! 

We talk all the time. We talk all day when he's at work via text, unless one of us is super busy. Even then, we will send a quick note to rack other. We've always been texters, since texting was a thing, lol. We have always had a cell phone since we've been together, so it's always been relatively easy to contact the other. I think I had just gotten my phone when we began dating. Dinosaur Nokia that was the coolest phone ever! Lol! (Now my iPhone laughs at my mother-in-law who still uses the old, OLD Nokia. So funny). 

Friday night we watched a couple episodes we were behind on from the DVR (man, I love that thing. We would NOT be able to watch any tv without it!). It was great. We sat close on the couch and watched. He went out to pick up some quick dinner (in the snow, too). The kids went to bed, I fell asleep near him on the couch. Crap, no maintenance tonight, I thought as I walked sleepily to our room. Even half-asleep dd is on my mind.... 

Saturday comes early. #2 woke up at 5am to potty. Wouldn't be so bad if she could reach the light, lol. She somehow woke up #1, so I turned a movie on and let them lay on the couch. I laid in bed and played games on my phone until I fell back asleep. Because they were up so early, they watched a movie in their room after playing all morning and tiring themselves out. Baby down for a nap.... Shower time together ;) nothing better than that in the middle of the day. 

The shower and the overdue events that occurred after helped us get somewhat reconnected, but it's still not completely there. I kind of waited around the rest of the weekend, but no mention of any maintenance or role affirmation, whatever you want to call it. I kind of just use maintenance as an umbrella term for us. 

All weekend I was somewhat submissive, I think. I deferred bigger decisions to him, didn't do anything that I know aggravates him. I made breakfast Saturday morning, but started feeling crummy halfway through and he took over. We actually had a slight argument before I started and I can't remember what it was about. It only lasted like 5 minutes, maybe less after the words were spoken. Before ttwd, that totally would've continued all day. 

This morning, I thought I'd get up and shower with him, then ask for some maintenance before he left.... But I didn't. I really should've. 

We've been texting all morning and talking about things. 

He made some excellent points.. 

*It's weird. It's been about 9ish days since our last (symbol for spanking), which is way too long and I'm certain you agree. But I have a fear that, bc it's been so long, you're going to have a problem getting back to it. It's just an awkward feeling I have. And I almost didn't know how to bring it up and get us back to a (symbol for spanking) routine.

It's actually been 12. And then after more convo... 

*I don't want you to go to that negative place. We can't stop doing ttwd, we can't. We're out of routine, yes. But we just have to jump back in. We have three kids and things that change everyday.

It's going to be hard to not get off schedule or routine every once in a while.*

Didn't I just write how I hate change? Lol. Does this man know me or what? 

I replied *I don't know how to respond to that.*

*Oh, ok. Let me help you. 

Elle- "ok, tell me what I can do to help us get back on track."
Me- "when I get home tonight and say that it's time, you give me no looks or smart comments, you just get up and go assume the position, but be aware that we ARE DOING THAT when I get home"
Elle- "ok, I can get down with that. You lead and I'll follow"*

I want to live in his head. Perfect conversation from me lives there, lol :) 

So, I guess we will see what happens.. 

Hope you all had a great weekend! 

Friday, February 1, 2013

Day 9!

It is day 9 of this stretch of no domestic discipline? spanking. He says ttwd is not on a break, but it certainly feels like it. He's been crabby. I've been crabby. 

Yesterday, we were texting.  

*What's your deal?* (On why he's been crummy lately...) 

*Idk. I think it's bc there hasn't been any (insert symbol he uses for spanking) or any (symbol he uses for sex) in like a week and we are out of balance, bc you were gone the day before and last night was just crummy. There hasn't been any closeness between us in several days and I think that has to do with it.*

...... A few minutes later. 

*What are we going to do to fix it?*

*Idk. Make time and do (symbol for spanking) this evening.    ?*

*I'm not sure how to respond.* (that weird question mark. What? Is he asking me if I should be spanked? I'm a little confused..)

*lol, what do you mean?

I don't feel connected to you right now. Like at all. 

I'm of the opinion that (symbol for spanking) has brought more connectedness in our relationship than anything. Possibly ever. 

Do you agree or disagree?*

*idk. There's the question mark that's all weird at the end. 

I don't feel connected either. 

I do agree.*

*Then I'll respond for you and remove the weirdness. 
You-"yes, I think we need (symbol for spanking) at all cost. I think that will fix it and get us back in a good place."
Me- "yes. I agree"

*Thats an interesting conversation you have going.*

*Lol. You like that? I do what I gotta do ya know...*


But it didn't happen. I was supposed to have a doctor appointment today, so you know, not supposed to have sex right before an appointment and I was worried about any possible bruises because we haven't had maintenance or punishment in so long. 

Except I have a very unreliable babysitter anyway and her car isn't great in snow. I had already gotten the idea that she didn't want to come over anyway, but she won't come right out and say it. It's an annoying thing my mother does. Oh, did I not mention she's my sitter? She really only likes to visit my kids when it's convenient. She doesn't want to do it often and she's always "not feeling well." Whatever. I don't want to deal with it. 

So now, I'm slightly aggravated that we didn't get to fix this last night. 

I'm glad today was a snow day, but I wish my husband had gotten one too, lol. I'm definitely SO glad tomorrow is Saturday. We have a few things to do around the house, but we will mostly be able to just be here together. 

I know he'll take care of this as soon as possible too. I'm in an even crummier mood than yesterday. 

I don't want to be. I want that close feeling back. Immediately.