Thursday, June 5, 2014

Mostly fixed..... :)

FM- I know you'll like this one, lol :)
I'm needy.  I know it, he knows it.  It's not brand new information, lol :)   

I think when things spiral down, I shut it down.  If it's been more than a week since we've had sex, I start to not really care if it happens.  The more it happens, the more I want it.  (Anyone else?) 

Point is, that's exactly what happened.  

The good news is, we didn't have a big blowout like we would've in the past.  I really do think ttwd is the reason.  Years ago, maybe even last year at this time (even though we were somewhat actively participating in the ttwd club) we would've had a big blowout where we wouldn't speak for a couple days, it would be tense and uncomfortable until one of us broke the ice.  

But not this time.   Yes, he was mad.  I was annoyed, but no big bomb went off that stopped our lives for days.  Growth! lol :) 

I need the attention.  I think that's why ttwd works for us.  I get the undivided attention that I crave.... but only sometimes.  We have GOT to work on that, too.  I'm not even sure when the last time was that we had any spanking time! That's not okay for two closet spankos.  He needs it as much as I do.  

Lately, I've noticed he doesn't have that little look in his eye- I think you guys know the one.  He doesn't feel it.  He needs to feel it.  I want and need him to feel it :)

Maybe that was the problem.  It wasn't just that he hadn't gotten any, he lost that feeling.  

Last night, we had a little reconnection.  He wanted to have some maintenance, which I am sure I needed, but just didn't have it in me to do it.  ---- I swear, this is exactly why it needs to happen more often! It's just like sexy time.  The more it happens, the more I want it. --- Anyway, we did have some good reconnecting.  Even though I got to bed a little later than I wanted, it was worth it.  I sent him a true and racy text right as I was falling asleep.  I never even heard his reply, though I'm sure it was almost instantaneous.  

We are going to talk about it today.  We have to communicate better and more, even if he thinks I'm not going to like what he has to say.  He has to get over it and say what he feels.  I want to know.  He has to feel important to me, because there's nothing more important.  

I definitely think we need more of ttwd.... I don't want to run it into the ground, but I do really think it needs a larger presence in our life.  We both need to feel that feeling and ride that high more often :) 

Hope you all have a great day!!


  1. Another piece of advice, may I give? This is from marriage counselilng. When the two of you are talking, connect somehow physically - anything from holding hands to having your hand on his leg. Then listen to what the other says. And then repeat what he says back to him. Like this. He says"I am feeling like you don't have time for me" then you say "I heard you say that you feel like I have no time for you" he nods yes and then you can say your response like, "I think that when I am ready to spend time with you, you are not here and when you want to be with me, I am distracted with kids or life" then he repeats, and so on and so on. It helped us so much when we were trying to pull our marriage back together. We don't really do it so much anymore unless we really feel frustrated that the other isn't listening. It is so important to listen and then respond.
    Lot's of smooches too and throw in a laugh and then spank and then sex

  2. I think there's an ebb and flow to most things in life, ttwd included. That said, if you don't water the plants, they don't grow, right? lol What I mean is, that any relationship needs time and effort put into it and one that involves ttwd certainly is no different. It's too easy to let life take over and sometimes honestly that's what needs to happen because sometimes other things are just more imminently important. But it can take some effort to get things back on track. It sounds like the ice has been broken though, and that's a good start! (((hugs)))

  3. To simply answer your question ...YES! Just like sex the longer I go without it the longer I can. Whenever we go a while without spanking, I have reservations too. It makes no sense because I crave the connection of both of these 'acts'.

    Often I tell Barney when we stumble like you described here- please just talk to me. Tell me, " I haven't forgotten about you or ttwd but....(I'm tired, Stressed at Work, Don't feel well...whatever) Just knowing helps so much too.

    Blondie has an excellent point, with the physical touch. Think of how often in the past when you are laying in bed you thought, if only he'd put his hand on me. It is difficult but when I am stressed beyond because my needs aren't being fulfilled ( our needs) if I just touch him, things seem to turn around.
    Sounds like you are seeing the positives and growth so that in itself is a fantastic sign!

  4. Hi Elle, I just read your previous post and this one. I'm glad the two of you reconnected and there was no blow up. That is growth and it sounds as though you are seeing some positives from ttwd.

    You have some wonderful advice from the lovely ladies above already I see and I agree.