Apps, Tears... And a possible boot camp?

I'm so excited at how my fireman and I came through the rocky patch. I wasn't sure if our domestic discipline lifestyle would make it through (even though we both wanted it to). But, as I and so many others have said, communication really is key. I thought our communication had taken a huge leap when we first began ttwd, but now I know it was only a tiny step. We still needed need to work on our communication. That's probably always going to be something we need to work on. 

We are going to begin SitDDs, thanks to MrBB at A Domestic Discipline Society for suggesting I go back to the beginning and start reading all of the steps he has outlined. I've started a journal for us, it's an app, but what's suggested is a hard copy. I think my fireman and I are more technological and it will work better for us to adapt that suggestion to us. It's all about adapting domestic discipline ideas to fit you best. Definitely not one size fits all! :) 

I downloaded a password protected journal app where I can add pictures... Like the one he took of my behind last night after maintenance, add different entries, add lists, keywords, it's all very organized. It has a calendar format to see the dates easily. He can access it on his phone as well. Haven't completely figured that one out, but I will. 

I wrote an entry about my first punishment spanking of the new year (my amazing husband). My very first spanked to tears event. I was close one other time. I had snapped at him on my way out the door, which he really did not deserve and I had have been trying to work on that.  I remember it clearly and we were still very new (I know technically we are still new now, but this was freshly new, lol) to dd.  He said it was over, but I wasn't sure if it was. I wasn't sure how to handle it, so I didn't say much about it. It only came up way later and he said he wasn't sure how he would've felt about bringing me to tears at that point. 

I didn't think I needed the release like he said I did, but sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. He was right. I completely needed it. It didn't take a lot, his new way of administering was very effective. I probably had tears about 1/3 of the way through. I got to that point where I laid my head into the bed. Usually I just prop myself up on my elbows and keep my head up. Not this time. It started out that way, but it didn't end with me that way. You're finished. I scooted back carefully and just fell into his arms, tears streaming. This is exactly the response I was waiting on. He held me so tightly, still crying. Okay, probably bawling. 

You just can't take me to that place again. I know, I know. He nodded into my shoulder. He knew exactly what I meant. Not a physical place... That place in my head where I feel completely alone. I know he won't. If/when we have another rocky patch, I don't think it will be because of this. 

So, with our new beginning, we are contemplating a boot camp of sorts. Not any particular one, just adapting from online versions to fit us. He doesn't need help figuring out how to give spankings. His new way is perfect for us right now. He feels he needs to work on his consistency and also his mindset of being an HoH. He needs the confidence to know that he can make a decision. I suggested he pick something at random for me, but he's not sure what or where to start with that. I think he's limiting his mind. He's generally very creative, but this is so foreign to him. I honestly think its still hard for him to realize he really is in charge. 

I need help in the submission area. I think where he's so used to not making the decisions, I am used to it. I trust him, with everything.  I want him to know that I am truly his :) 

So, I'm trying to put together a pseudo-boot camp just for us. We already do maintenance, so that will be incorporated, and he has a few articles/ a short book  he wants me to read for homework, but I'm still formulating and researching other submissions (?) and ways for him to feel that he truly does have the power and control.  We are going to add in working on communication and working on our regular rules. 

It seemed easy, but it's much more difficult. I find some things, then I think omg, he is going to think I'm crazy for suggesting it (just like I thought when I suggested this whole idea of domestic discipline in the beginning lol). 

We are going to talk about it more. We've only discussed possibly doing something. At first, I was going to find info and put it all together so we could look at it with each other. Then after only a couple websites, I had so much info, I knew that wasn't going to work. 

We'll figure it out, but I'll also take any suggestions! :) 

Xo! 
Elle