Kenzie's spanking survey :)

Kenzie's spanking survey!! Go here to read her answers and get the easy copy and paste questions :)

1.) Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking interest? If so, feel free to share:

 I was a 50 shades reader. Ultimately I googled and found the dd community. I think I read all of Clint & Chelsea's blogs twice before I ever got brave enough to bring it up to Fireman. I still don't know how I found the courage to bring it up, lol!! 

And for the record, I know 50S is a not-so-great portrayal of the dd/bdsm/ttwd community AND not-so-greatly written, but it brought me here. 

2.) What do you most often call your HOH/Spanker? (Sir, Master, etc.)

Nothing specific or special. I totally find myself feeling like I should say Sir when I'm in trouble, but he's never required it. 

3.) What does your HOH/Spanker most often call you? (Young Lady, Girl, etc)

I don't think he calls me anything special either.. Baby is the most used term, I guess :) He calls me 'love' a lot.  I really like that.  It just rolls out of his mouth and it's instantly sexy when he calls me that :)

4.) We're building a big spanko bonfire, which one implement are you bringing to toss in?

We don't have much of a collection yet.. I am actually looking forward to getting new stuff to not hate lol ;) 

5.) We all know how many punishments there are to choose from; spanking, lecturing, corner time, etc.. but what about rewards? Do you have a favorite 'reward' that is used? If not, what's something you'd like used as a reward?

I think I like date nights the most. They're not exactly used as a reward, but it's not like we are going to have one if I'm in trouble. 

6.) What's that one phrase, that when it's used, you know you're in trouble?

It's a look, not a phrase. 😠

7.) What's something you'd like to cross off your spanking bucket list? Being shy is not an option here people. ;)

We were going to do a fun date night once with a spanking before we left, him picking out everything from panties to food.. And anything before, during, or after that he wanted... But the sitter fell through and we haven't had the opportunity. I definitely want that ASAP... With as much instruction that he wants to provide :) 

8.) Someone comes to you, and says they just started practicing domestic discipline. What's the biggest piece of advice you can give them?

Chill. It's going to take a while, it's not immediate. You have to keep talking. And I think a big one is... He can't be in control without you bring submissive. They feed off each other. . 

9.) Where is the craziest place you've been spanked?

On a bean-bag chair ;) 

10.) We talked about a spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it.. what about a BDSM style bucket list? What's something you'd like to cross off of that?

Hmm. I really don't know. I'd have to think more. 

11.) Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying and finding effective?

I have to think about that one, too. I guess bedroom time. 

12.) What is something you wish you knew before you started DD/TTWD?

That it wouldn't be perfect from the very beginning.  I think for some reason we all think it's going to be instant magic.  It is, in a way, but there's still a lot of kinks (ha! no pun intended!!) to work out  

13.) If you could take a break from one rule, for one week, which rule would it be?
Laundry.  I'd love for someone else to do it. LoL :)

14.) This might sound like a no brainer at first, but really think about it. If you could only have one sort of spanking in your dynamic, would you rather it be discipline or fun?
Discipline.  That's how our dynamic works the best.  We fall into our roles, it helps us both be centered and closer to one another..   (Great question, btw, Kenzie!)

15.) If your HOH/Spanker messed up, and offered to let you spank them, would you? Why/Why not?
No, I don't think I could do it.  I joke around about it sometimes, but when it comes down to it, he could never submit! :) 

16.) What is your favorite form of aftercare?
Sexy time.  I know some people really frown on sex after a spanking, but it works for us.  

17.) How was DD/spanking brought up to you, or how did you bring it up to your partner?

I brought it up.  I wish I could remember exactly what I said, but I can't remember.  It was probably stupid and that's why my brain is blocking it out, lol.  I know I am braver by text, so I know that's how it was originally initiated.  

18.) If your spanker could use only one implement from here on out, what would they use?
The only one we currently have.. the hairbrush.  But i think that's going to change soon.  We need some variety ;) 

19.) Do you have a favorite pair of panties to wear when you know you're going to be spanked? If so, what are they?
The majority of mine are sexy, so it generally doesn't matter.  He makes sure I know they don't save me, lol.  

20.) Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) mind reading hasn't yet been perfected. What's something you want your HOH/Dom/Spanker to know? (For example, don't be afraid to spank harder, or something along those lines.) Don't be afraid, spill!
I recently told him.  I'd rather him be more strict than more lenient.  The leniency makes me feel like he doesn't care.  
I think I would also say I'm not afraid to try new implements.  Well, I am, but I'll be brave at least once, lol :)

*Bonus Question (just because it's fun)- Is there a picture (spanking, dd, Ds, etc related) that you just really love? If so, let's see it!*
There are tons! 

Hope you all have a great weekend!!! I know we will.  Fireman just texted to say as long as we can get a sitter, we are going out tonight.  Just US!! 
Xo, 
Elle

Need

My husband isn't one to use the word need very often. Me? Oh, I use it daily. Hourly probably, lol. (Fireman, when you read this, don't forget I need the new iPhone lol). 

What I need is generally not stuff. We have enough stuff. My kids have too much stuff and I'm working on thinning it out. It's tricky, every time I grab something they haven't seen, talked about, or played with in a while? Nooooo! That's my favorite! I love it! I neeeed it. Lol. 
Now, I just try to clean stuff out when they're gone or busy doing something else and can't see me. 

I always say I don't can't function when FM is not here. I get in a tangled mess and feel like I'm drowning. Everything piles up, everything that could go wrong does, and I get overwhelmed. It's getting easier now, I think it's probably thanks to ttwd, but I still hate to be without him.  I hear from him more. He lets me know how he is, or that he's missing me. It makes me feel better... In the past, he's been out of town and I've only heard from him a few times for the entire duration.  We were just on separate pages. No communication. No understanding. 

All of that added up, to me, equaled that he didn't care. 

Now I understand that he did. He always has, we just weren't on the same wavelength. It goes back to that driving analogy. We were both steering, but in different directions and it wasn't working, obviously. Now, it's a different outlook for both of us. We are together, not always physically, but always mentally. 

I think I've told him a million times that I just wanted him to need me, but I never felt it. I never felt important or essential. I wanted to feel as essential to his life as he was to mine. I was, I just never felt it. 

All of that changed. 
Now I know. Now I feel it. Now I see it and I think know everyone else does, too. We've always been like magnets to each other, but now it's like a super-magnet. It is electricity. 

We are just drawn to each other. Even when we are sitting together on the couch.. We want to be touching. In the middle of the night, I'll feel him reach to me. 

He rarely says he needs anything. He never wants the newest phone. He never has the newest car or other item. He gets something he likes and stays with it. I think he's had 3 phones since we've been together. THREE. Not married, together! Almost 11 years together and 3 phones. I've probably had 11 lol. I am hard on things, I break things easily. I should really work at a testing facility for Good Housekeeping ;) 

It says a lot about him. He finds something he really likes and that's it. There's no trying to find something better, no always wanting new, bright and shiny. He wants what he has already. He makes a decision and sticks with it, confident with his choice. He doesn't usually have a need. 

Last night was different. He sent me a text when he was on his way home. I was just finishing up getting the kids' morning things ready when I got the text alert. *I'll need a quick shower, but then I need you ready for a quick maintenance session.* 

He needs me. 
And that's all I need. :) 

Xo,
Elle 

Back at it..

I didn't realize home long it had been since my last post. I don't think I've even logged in to blogger for a few days.  I'm not entirely sure why. We've been busy, but we are always busy. 

It was that week of the month last week and while it doesn't give me a free pass, he was a little more lenient than usual.  We tried to get back to routine after he came back from out of town, but it wasn't easy. It does take a little work. Honestly, it was mostly my fault that it took until last night to get it back. I am very proud of my fireman though. He didn't waiver, or if he did, I didn't see it. 

He had a difficult weekend. He lost his first grandparent. He wasn't in the best health, but it was still a bit of a surprise. I'm sure he could use your good thoughts and prayers this week. :)   I heard his grandmother say they'd been together her whole life. She'd never really been apart from him. They'd been together for more than 60 years, married so young. I think that's the hardest part. 

Last night, after he let me stay up late to watch the Miss America pageant (ahem, that he watched with me, lol) he quietly spoke instruction. Go get in position and wait for me. Okay. I went to our room and stuck my head back out. Shirt? He shook his head. Off with the shirt.

He didn't make me wait long, he walked in and his fingertips grazed my back. Yummmm. He didn't say much. I really felt like he just needed to feel me. I needed to feel him. It was perfect.  

I watched him this weekend. Out of the corner of my eye when he wasn't looking, I watched. I watched when he knew I was. He is yummy, he is sweet and strong. He is the most amazing man. I fell in love with him more this weekend. But I think I fall in love with him more everyday. 

Hope everyone has a good week :) 
Xo, 
Elle 

one.hundred :)

This is officially my 100th post!!!!!!!  I didn't think this post would ever happen. I thought maybe I'd blog for a while, then just move on to something else. That seems to be the norm for us. 

Not this time! 

Ttwd is here to stay. Forever. Which probably means blogging is here to stay, forever. Sometimes it's hard to come up with a topic to write about, but you never know. Sometimes one tiny thought turns into an essay that I never expected. 

My hubby is out of town and it blows. And certainly not in the good way. I dropped him off at the airport the other day and now I'm impatiently counting down the time until his returning flight. He's out of town for a good reason and knowing that makes it easier, but I hate him being so far away. I don't like being a single mom... Single wife. 

The night before he left was a little hectic. I figured with it being so late and having to get up wayyyy before the sun, that we would just go to bed. Nope. A little reminding was in order. He let me keep my panties, even though they provided ZERO protection, lol, and proceeded to say that although he would be gone, I was still his. Yum. It's so reassuring. I know he loves me. But feeling that and hearing it in those moments is explosive. 

I know you guys know exactly what I'm talking about. :) 

Hope you've had a great week so far! 

Xo, 

Elle 

A new Monday night ritual...

Submission feeds dominance, dominance feeds submission.... It's true. If he is wearing his HoH hat, I'm in the right state of mind. If I'm in the right state of mind, his HoH hat is easier for him to wear.
When that happens, I have no problems listening to him, following our rules, being how I want to be.  It is how he wants me to be as well, but for any critics of our lifestyle choice(s), it's how I want to be, too. 

I am loving the new us. We are visibly into it. I think we've both seen where we went wrong and we are making a conscious effort from now on. This it it, for us. We aren't going back. We've turned another corner and I've promised everything that I will not take consent back. 

I'm already doing much better with not setting him up to fail by having specific expectations. Saturday, I behaved less than my best. ::sad face:: I feel badly about it now and although my concern was valid, I took it to an extreme (imagine!) and flipped out... Slightly. I waited to see if there would be any repercussion, but there was not. We have fully discussed it, I know why he didn't (although if there is a next time, he will) and we're past it. Growth! Lol!

Turns out he was still leery of me. I had almost forgotten that I set this as a trial period, just because I was scared it would end up the way it did before, for 30 days. I thought it over and sent him a text:
*in for good.*
*Are you sure though? Bc I can't take the waffling again. It's brutal.* (ouch)
*I can't either. So you can't let me go so long that I think you don't care. I realize you do. But apparently I'm insane.*
*Ok. Yes. Periodically insane. But I'm good with it.* (lol) 

He told me he knows he may struggle with consistency. I told him that I know why he thinks he will. He doesn't want to come off as a hard-ass. While I do very much appreciate him looking out for my feelings, I told him... I'd much rather have the hard-ass than way too lenient. It just makes me feel like it's not important or that he doesn't care. Do you agree? Maybe those of you that have a stricter husband would like more lenient. Maybe it's a 'grass is always greener' situation. I think that helped him out though. 

To have some sort of routine, I suggested an idea for Mondays. Especially since Monday is always hard, he's gone at work all day, then has fire dept things to do all evening. It's a long day and it sucks since we've just enjoyed the weekend together. He liked the idea and also felt like it would help him feel more comfortable/confident in giving direction at other times. 

So now, every Monday, he will send me a text when he's on his way home. Generally, it's after the kids are in bed. If not, we will adjust. We are being flexible and not so rigid. The text is an incentive for me to have everything already done that needs prepared for the next day, too. 

He will then let me know if I need to be ready when he gets home, or if I can wait until he's out of the shower. From there, it's just like the Friday night instructions from my last post. Clothes off, kneeling on the little stool, laying over our bed. 

It was just as delicious last night as it was last Friday. Lip-biting, don't be too loud you'll wake the kids, delicious. :)  It is instant electricity as he walks in our room. He grabs my ass, then gently runs his fingers around my back. Magic!!!! 

Now I am looking forward to next Monday. Unless he needs me before then. Of course I'll willingly comply :) 
Rules are much easier to follow when it's like this. I am loving ttwd. :) 

Happy Tuesday! 
Xo, 
Elle 

Pinterest!

Our weekend was great. Friday night, I sent him a little text while he was gone, saying I was craving some dominance from him. Without missing a beat, he sent back a racy text with specific instructions and it was instant submission.  
*when ____ is done, go to the bedroom, remove your clothes, and wait for me in the assumed position* 

I can't lie, I would be fine if those directions commands arrived frequently. Yummy. :) 

I started a Pinterest for Fireman & I, so follow us and let me know so I can follow you! I love Pinterest :) our email is firewife0506 (at) gmail (Dot) com. I think that's how you can find us! 

Hope everyone had a great weekend!!!
Xo, 
Elle 

Finally!

After about 2 hours.... omg has it really been 2 hours?!?!.. of looking for a new background and trying to apply it to my Elle's World page, I think it finally worked.  I swear, blogger hates me.  What did I ever do to you, blogger???

I've got a couple comments to reply to, but one was posted this morning and it really rang true.  Willie commented to say  "...You are both realizing things about each other, and your relationship, so you can't get 'BACK' you have to find a NEW feeling of connection."  Wow, how true is that? It really hit me then.  

I've been so hung-up on the idea of going back, that I couldn't see the real picture.  It's not possible for us to go back.  Just like we can't go back to anything that has happened that neither of us is happy with.  We can't go back to where we were.  It's impossible, both figuratively and literally.  

After the way I felt, I couldn't just go back to things the way they were.  Ttwd... had ultimately failed me, I felt.  I think we all start out with these expectations of how domestic discipline will change us in all positive ways and change our significant others in all these positive ways. While that certainly happens, it does NOT happen overnight and doesn't come with some negatives, too.

I am a perfectionist, I can't help it.  It's always been that way.  If things aren't perfect, it drives me nuts.  Do you know how many times I've not gone to church because I couldn't find something acceptable (to me) to wear? Too many to count.  I get this idea, then I can't get past it.  If it's not this or that specifically, it's not good enough, it's never going to work, I can't do it.  It's exhausting, but unfortunately, there's no on/off switch in my brain for me to fix it.  

Ttwd helped saved my marriage, no doubt.  He knows it and I know it.  He has said it over the past week.  He wasn't trying to pressure me into a dd relationship and he was even afraid of talking about it too much and running it into the ground (his words, not mine).  

I wanted more.  I wrote that in my last post, I was just so hurt over not feeling important and this being the one thing that would help me feel important.  Going back was something I couldn't make sense in my head.  

Today, I realized that it's only forward.  We can begin a dd relationship, but it's not and can't be like it was.  That is the only thing that is impossible.  It's not impossible for us to achieve that level of closeness again.  It's certainly not impossible to incorporate spanking into our lives.  Rules still need to be there.  The laundry isn't going to do itself! Lol!

I sent a text... and we continued to work out things that way.  I told him I would jump in, but with a time limit to reevaluate.  In a month, we'll see where we are, discuss where we're going, and if this is what we are continuing.  I can't foresee a reason we wouldn't, but I didn't see this happening either.  I needed a disclaimer, I guess. 

Immediately, I felt the stress lift away from my shoulders.  I think he felt empowered again immediately, too. After texting for a few minutes, he sent me a message that made me realize I'd made the right decision: *I feel like you've forgotten or lost sight of the fact that you belong to me.  It gives me doubts and sends MY mind to dark places.*    

Now, I get it.  He understands completely.  *Look at you putting your HoH hat right back in place.*

*Lol. Yes you're damn right I'm putting the hat back on.  But something else that's going to change, I will do a better job of telling you how I feel. I WILL try and do a better job of having more frequent dates with just us also.*

We are just going to keep the rules we had, but since they've been non-existent for so long, I asked for a reminder.  They were on the journal app, but I don't have access to it when he isn't home.  I came up with a great idea.. a private blog for just the two of us.  I added a new blog, so it will show up on our dashboard, and we will be able to write any and everything down in it.  It's private, so I won't have to worry about anyone seeing on my phone, and it's accessible from wherever we are.  Perfect!

We are also going to make it a point to actually talk to each other face to face.  Here we are, having been together for over 10 years and we are barely comfortable speaking face-to-face about important issues.  That is not okay with me! He agrees.  

I'm feeling so much better about everything.  I still need to realize there will always be ups and downs, but that it is fine.  We are fine, we're going to be fine, and everything is fine even when it's a little chaotic.  

Hope you all have a great evening! :)

xo, 

Elle