Tuesday, August 27, 2013

A new Monday night ritual...

Submission feeds dominance, dominance feeds submission.... It's true. If he is wearing his HoH hat, I'm in the right state of mind. If I'm in the right state of mind, his HoH hat is easier for him to wear.
When that happens, I have no problems listening to him, following our rules, being how I want to be.  It is how he wants me to be as well, but for any critics of our lifestyle choice(s), it's how I want to be, too. 

I am loving the new us. We are visibly into it. I think we've both seen where we went wrong and we are making a conscious effort from now on. This it it, for us. We aren't going back. We've turned another corner and I've promised everything that I will not take consent back. 

I'm already doing much better with not setting him up to fail by having specific expectations. Saturday, I behaved less than my best. ::sad face:: I feel badly about it now and although my concern was valid, I took it to an extreme (imagine!) and flipped out... Slightly. I waited to see if there would be any repercussion, but there was not. We have fully discussed it, I know why he didn't (although if there is a next time, he will) and we're past it. Growth! Lol!

Turns out he was still leery of me. I had almost forgotten that I set this as a trial period, just because I was scared it would end up the way it did before, for 30 days. I thought it over and sent him a text:
*in for good.*
*Are you sure though? Bc I can't take the waffling again. It's brutal.* (ouch)
*I can't either. So you can't let me go so long that I think you don't care. I realize you do. But apparently I'm insane.*
*Ok. Yes. Periodically insane. But I'm good with it.* (lol) 

He told me he knows he may struggle with consistency. I told him that I know why he thinks he will. He doesn't want to come off as a hard-ass. While I do very much appreciate him looking out for my feelings, I told him... I'd much rather have the hard-ass than way too lenient. It just makes me feel like it's not important or that he doesn't care. Do you agree? Maybe those of you that have a stricter husband would like more lenient. Maybe it's a 'grass is always greener' situation. I think that helped him out though. 

To have some sort of routine, I suggested an idea for Mondays. Especially since Monday is always hard, he's gone at work all day, then has fire dept things to do all evening. It's a long day and it sucks since we've just enjoyed the weekend together. He liked the idea and also felt like it would help him feel more comfortable/confident in giving direction at other times. 

So now, every Monday, he will send me a text when he's on his way home. Generally, it's after the kids are in bed. If not, we will adjust. We are being flexible and not so rigid. The text is an incentive for me to have everything already done that needs prepared for the next day, too. 

He will then let me know if I need to be ready when he gets home, or if I can wait until he's out of the shower. From there, it's just like the Friday night instructions from my last post. Clothes off, kneeling on the little stool, laying over our bed. 
It was just as delicious last night as it was last Friday. Lip-biting, don't be too loud you'll wake the kids, delicious. :)  It is instant electricity as he walks in our room. He grabs my ass, then gently runs his fingers around my back. Magic!!!! 

Now I am looking forward to next Monday. Unless he needs me before then. Of course I'll willingly comply :) 
Rules are much easier to follow when it's like this. I am loving ttwd. :) 

Happy Tuesday! 


  1. Consistency is such a big factor....Master is very good at it,,and you right, sometimes I wish He was not. But i also know if He were not, it would drive me crazy.. This was a great post.
    hugs abby

  2. i think i understand the sudden 'loss' on a monday following the time tog on the weekend. I think that's a kind of "subdrop" that I experience. suddenly i'm fending off the wolves and dragons on my own again and it makes me want to crumble and collapse and give up. it really does help to have SOME regular stuff (like the new Monday rituals youv'e set up) to look forward to and keep things going. Hugs. I love this TTWD thing too!

    1. Exactly what I'm talking about!!!! This new thing really helps out :)

  3. Hi Elle,

    I'm so happy to hear you guys have worked through things and are back on track. I'm happy for you :)

    Consistency is so important and something I need more of. I like the Monday ritual and agree, Monday's are hard. Especially after spending time together at the weekend.


    1. Thanks Roz, me too. I love the weekend, but I dread Sunday night. I know what's coming.

  4. My friend says my Daddy is strict, but I don't feel that way at all. I feel that he provides a lovely, consistent, safe structure in our relationship. Like you, I respond deeply and viscerally, and makes me wish to submit more.

    I think it's awesome! It's a great way to start off the week :)


    1. Thanks! I agree. I don't want to not know... You know?

      Sorry it took me so long to reply!!!!

  5. I'm glad you guys are back on track, sometimes something liek the monday ritual is all it takes :) ! It is true consistency is big facotr, but on both ends!


  6. I think that often the problem with consistency, is that it's seen as the sole responsibility of the HoH, when it's actually very much a two way street. Just as your submission responds to his dominance and vice versa, so does his consistency depend on whether he feels 'enabled' and 'entitled' by you. In the event that he's not sure of your feelings, this may have an effect on his actions.


  7. I hope that you Monday ritual does indeed stay that way ;). I understand the need for a 'reset' if you will on Monday's. At one point we ( B works most weekends and I deal with Teenage angst) had one on Friday to remind me to come to him, and one on Monday to remind me he was still in control. HAD being the key word here.

    Just keep talking, and let no small pebble in your shoe stay there to become a blister.

  8. Consistency is huge. You guys did the right thing by having a conversation about it, and being honest. Sounds like you're on the right track. :)

  9. Elle, it sounds like good communication is helping a lot. It's the foundation of growth, I think.


  10. Sounds like things are going really well for you, I can even hear your smile. ;) Hoping you keep talking, and finding ways to keep your roles. :) I don't know if I find the grass greener on the other side, but I do find it much easier if the Duke is firm and consistent than if he is lenient.

    1. Agree. I try not to notice how green (or not!) it is on the other side. :)