I posted yesterday (Mindset) that I just didn't feel submissive. I want to be. I want to give him complete control. I trust him with everything that I have, I just still struggle with completely getting my mind right.
Last night, the girls finally fell asleep around midnight. The baby had fallen asleep much earlier, I think. The girls were just relentless. Drinks, then a snack, potty.. It was endless. Once they were asleep, I knew it was coming. I had just hit publish on my article and laid the iPad down (I know. I guess I haven't learned my lesson that blogger + iPad = disaster).
I was sitting on our couch and he stood in front of me. What? You know catchy what. Lets go. Um, well, I'm not exactly feeling it right now. Too bad. It's not really your decision. I complied. I really did not want to, but I did.
I turned around on the couch but didn't really present my behind to him. One last act of defiance, I suppose. Just for the record, I feel terribly about all of this now. One final direction from him... I'm going to let you keep your pants, but you're going to count and after each one, you're going to say thank you. Uh, I don't think so. Oh yes, you are. No, I'm definitely not. On my side, he was definitely bringing up this new
We had one other problem.. Striking in the exact same place. His preferred implement is kind of similar to a belt. I'm not tiny, but I'm not heavy either. I'm smaller than what is claimed to be average, but I have curves. Definitely not a stick. He says because there's not much real estate back there, it's hard to not strike the same spot. I got
I was still not in the right place. I was closer, but it still wasn't there. He sat down in the chair and I glanced at him. Okay, feedback? He just looked at me for a moment. In my head I was debating on telling him we needed a do-over. We need to approach things differently. Then, suddenly he said, I feel like I need to redo that. We talked about why, talked about a few possibilities of changing things up. My mind was slowly getting to the correct place.
I think we need more strikes at varied intensities. And maybe also changing up implements. Okay, I can maybe try that. I don't think he's big on the idea though. I almost think he wants a higher intensity, but less strikes. That doesn't help me feel it though. I don't want the warm behind to leave after a few short minutes. I don't want extreme pain, just a happy medium.
Are you doing it over? I want to. Well, I was going to suggest it also. I'm okay with you redoing as long as you stay away from the one place. He went to get a small paddle (like a child's toy with the ball on the string.. Quite thin, but he likes it).
No pants this time. Panties? said with a smile. No. Replied with no smile. He proceeded to randomly alternate his hand and the paddle. It helped A LOT. I was completely where I needed to be after that short redo session. My behind was very warm as I crawled into our complimentary warm bed. All night I was aware of the one spot, turns out I have a bruise. I thought maybe it would bother my fireman (I actually bruise easier than I'd like, lol), but he saw it during the redo session. I was actually proud that he kept going!!
Then today we got a quick moment alone at home. He joked about giving me a speedy maintenance session before we left to visit some of my family. Okay, do you really want to? Actually, I do really want to. Okay. Lets go in there (gestures toward the living room/our bedroom). I started to climb up on the couch, but then realized we were alone! We could use our room! Wherever you're the most comfortable. Aww. Bed it is! I got 10 not too bad swats with that almost-like-a-belt implement. I asked what about the different implement and different intensities? No, just this for now. Finnnnnnnee.
So, three spankings in less than 24 hours. I guess it was probably more like 18 hours. That's more than I've ever gotten before. Wonder if I will get Christmas Eve maintenance? I guess we will see..