Unfortunately Submissive Saturday did not go as I had planned in my head. I really thought this post, of Submissive Saturday #1, would be a lot different. I guess it was unrealistic to think that we could pull it off. I wish we were the type of couple that could, but we just aren't.
In all honesty, I'm amazed that ttwd has come as far as it has. We are semi-creatures of habit. We don't handle change very well. One or both of us always has some kind of issue and change doesn't work for us.
Getting something started and actually seeing it through and finishing it, is not my husband's strong suit. I'm not being disrespectful, it's true and he knows it. My kitchen was redone 6 years ago. 6. It's still not 100% complete. It is an actual genetic trait he inherited from his father. They have a tendency to start many projects, but never get around to seeing them through. To be fair, he is certainly not as bad as he used to be, but it's still not great.
Submissive Saturday is a perfect example.
Friday we texted about it during the day, but all we ever came to a conclusion about was that we would finalize plans and come up with something to work on later. When 'later' came, he ended up going to hang out with some of his fireman friends. I eventually texted him to say we never came up with anything.
He was busy playing games with them and it took him a few minutes each time to text back and forth. It was absolutely fine that he went. I just hated that he swore we'd work on us and we didn't. I swear it's always one step forward and fourteen back.
I did finally get something through his head Friday night.. That he could absolutely make requests of me that and that I would comply. He is the most creative person.... Until it comes to ttwd. He said he might just wake me up if I were asleep when he got home. I can't stop thinking about those pink panties. You do know you could say you want me in nothing but those panties when you get home, right? I think the thought never crossed his mind. He doesn't see the things he could incorporate into our life that would make me feel instantly submissive. Giving me a specific clothing request for bed? Yum, yes please.
That clicked in his head, so I complied. It was late when he got home, so I was very asleep, lol. He did enjoy the fulfilled request and made up for waking me up. ;)
I woke up Saturday ready to go. I made breakfast and let him sleep until it was ready. I was hoping for something, but I don't know exactly what. I guess some sort of dominance from him. Some direction of what we were going to work on yesterday. I probably would've done anything... But nothing. We had a fun family day in the pool and I got some sun (yay!!). We came in, showered and got the baby down for a nap.
Finally at 5:30pm, I asked. Oh no, uh, yeah we did. We came up with um, you following directions. Me:??? What? When? Last night. You, uh. Well... Yeah. Exactly. Maybe you should've told me that before 5:30. And maybe you could've actually given me some direction if that were the case.
That was the end of that discussion. I hate feeling like I'm running the show. Isn't that what ttwd is supposed to help? Me not running everything? But I still feel like I do.
To top of the failure of Submissive Saturday #1, I sent him a text with our code word that means I need maintenance. He completely forgot what the word meant. Nice. I sent the word along with some innuendo. So... What happened when we went to bed? Nothing. He completely fell asleep. Then he wonders what my problem is today. I don't feel close. He completely blew off yesterday, then was so tired from being up too late with his friends the night before, that he couldn't be up late with me. No maintenance. Nothing.
I'm over bringing up stuff for us. I love this man more than anything, but sometimes he makes me feel unimportant. I'm always the one suggesting a date, a lunch, a fun thing for us to do, a changing way of life (lol), but I'm really over it. I don't feel like giving any more hints and suggestions.
Even this morning I was half-awake trying to list together ideas for a Submissive Sunday since Saturday didn't work. But it just doesn't feel like that should be my job.
I'm sure you guys are over reading one good post, one whiny post. I'm tired of writing them.
Xo,
Elle
elle,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I understand your feelings. I am wondering, have you discussed with you Hoh how serious your need? I know The Man and I had this problem a lot before I was able to show him that I needed his dominance and leadership in more areas that just our bedroom. If you need to talk, I would be happy to. Just let me know and I will send you my information.
Thanks so much, Dana. I really appreciate it! I thought I had discussed it, but I don't think he got it. All is well now and I'm going to put a post up later when I get home. Thank you again!!!
DeleteHi Elle,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry the weekend didn't go as planned. I understand how you are feeling, it is so hard when there is lack of follow through.
I guess all you can do is keep trying to communicate. Also, try and continue to show him your submission. Dominance and submission really do feed off each other. Rick always tells me too that the best thing you can do is to encourage him when he does follow through .... let him know you appreciate his efforts and that this is really what you want. A lot of HoH's struggle with wondering how can she really want this.
((Hugs))
Roz
I think that's exactly what I need to remember. His D will feed off my s and the other way around, of course. I let that slip out of my head sometimes.
DeleteI think follow through is out biggest obstacle. Hopefully next Saturday will be better and we will both feel better about it. :)
Sorry Elle, but you really did try! It so has to go both ways or it ends up feeling like you are putting in all the effort, are still in charge and you fight like crazy to do the right thing and yet he doesn't quite get what you are doing.
ReplyDeleteIf you tried this again, would it be helpful to have him on board with the day--to both have some simple goals in mind...or is that all too over the top for the way he thinks?
I think that's what we are going to start with. Little goals is exactly what we need. He explained last night that he just doesn't really know the how. He understand the why.. Just not how. So I have a new task.
DeleteThanks Susie :)
I'm not much help I'm afraid Elle, because I actually have trouble with the whole dominance/submission thing. You see, from my point of view it was important that you have a lovely family Saturday, and not try to contrive something. Your children will be grown and gone before you know it - I wish mine were small again!
ReplyDeleteWhilst I don't set out to be 'submissive' per se, this would be how I would approach a day such as a Saturday - I get up and go downstairs and fetch tea/coffee back to bed. When Dan goes to shower I make us both some breakfast, and he likes the full works. I clean the kitchen, sort out the dishwasher, get laundry in the washing machine, maybe clean a floor or two. I plan the meal for the evening, and possibly do some ironing. Sometimes we pop over to see his mum, and sometimes we go shopping for things he wants, such as to a large hardware warehouse. During the day I'll make him tea and if I make a cake I take him some. He usually does the lawns and some strimming, but not every Saturday. Sometimes he will sit and watch sport on the TV and have a beer and a nap. Yes, I know, it isn't the most riveting of Saturdays, and we don't do the same thing every week because sometimes we go away for the weekend, or go out with friends, or just go out the two of us. You see, if he started to tell me to do things, it would be a bit odd. So if he wants anything he'll ask, and if I am in the middle of something he will wait. Sometimes he will tease me, and sometimes I'll be sassy.
I think what I am trying to say to you is that your life sounds lovely and normal and family-orientated. If you are really wanting to try something new you can always suggest it to him and decide a time for it. Like sharing a bottle of wine, or having a candlelit dinner, or giving each other a massage, or making a decision to sleep in the nude, or giving him a haircut, or helping him with some difficult task he needs to do.... The list can be endless and created by you. So, if for example you are tardy with the laundry, make a determined effort to make your bed as soon as you get up, tidy your room and get the laundry on. Even if you hate doing it. Then maybe on to the children's rooms and do the same. But frankly, the way you spent your Saturday was so lovely that I am envious. I think you are doing everything right - you just don't think you are yet.
Dan was once in the police force, and I know exactly just how difficult life can be with small children and shiftwork, but I do hope you work things out - and keep having fun!
Hugs
Ami
Ami!! That's exactly what I need sometimes. I think I get a little selfish with my husband sometimes. I have the kids everyday by myself, which I absolutely love, but then I want some time with just us and we don't always get that. You are exactly right, I need to focus on family time too. I'd just like a little us mixed in ;)
ReplyDeleteI think your Saturdays sound lovely. :)
Thanks for all your feedback. I'm going to re-read it when I get home. My phone sometimes doesn't act right, lol. I'm having a hard time scrOlling right now. And I have no idea why that word looks that way, lol.
Thanks Ami :)