Thankful & a recap of the weekend...

First, I am so thankful for all of you! I was so worried and nervous and so grateful all of you stopped and took a second to send me love and thoughts! I would absolutely do it for you, too! Fireman was amazing for me (everyday, but specifically yesterday). He was calm and strong, like always. 

He answered questions for me when we first got there when I was too upset to speak coherently, he placed his hand on my shoulder letting me know he was there, and he gathered my things for me when they took me to X-ray. He waited patiently outside that room, then sat right beside me as I laid exhausted on the bed (it was seriously past my bedtime!). I draped my leg on his and he held on tight. 

He told me stories from his day, he had been on a fire call right as soon as he got to the station for training and told me about different things to keep me from going to dark places. He was just there. And I'm so thankful for him too. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I'm glad God picked him for me. :) 

***** birthday weekend *****

Saturday, birthday eve, we did nothing at all during the day and it was great. I knew we had the chance of getting a grandparent babysitter, so I asked him if we could maybe go out. What did you have in mind? Dinner and a movie? That's exactly what I had planned, sounds great. 

We watched television, the kids played, we had yummy lunch. He wouldn't tell me where we were going for dinner. Usually, I figure everything out. I am the hardest person to surprise. He wouldn't budge. I'm excited for dinner. Me too! Where are we eating? No, I will not slip up and tell you. Stop asking. Lol. 

We had great conversation in the car on the way, great conversation at dinner.  The movie was really good. Zero Dark Thirty. Has anyone else seen it? Very intense(!!!) but very good. It was loud and scary at a lot of points, but we both liked it. We got home late, snuggled, and I'm sure I fell asleep quickly. 

On Sunday, we had another great day. Church, the girls picked one of my favorite places for lunch, then we came home. Fireman surprised me with a soooo yummy cookie cake inscribed with Happy Birthday Mommy. Huge surprise!! He really outdid himself this weekend! 

We ordered Italian for dinner, kids got in bed and we snuggled on the couch. :)  It was probably one of the best birthdays I've ever had. :) 

I bought a hairbrush, finally. It's definitely scarier than I thought it would be. We haven't really gotten to try it out. We had a little miscommunication about it... He wanted to try a fun spanking with it, I thought he meant maintenance... He was all giggly and well.. It just ended badly. We talked about it yesterday and got everything straightened out (chalk another one up for communication!!!). I feel so bad that I misunderstood him! And I told him that I was still expecting an actual punishment from last week, so he understood my miscommunication. 

I love ttwd. I know fireman does too. 

The side effects are enough to keep me wanting dd for the rest of my life. The closeness, the ease of (okay, easier) communication, the bedroom effects. I have already told him he's getting a big thank you from me tonight. I was ready to thank him last night, but we were both exhausted after we got home. I need that good-girl spanking (unless he decides I need a real one...) and some sexxxxy time :)  now, how much longer til he gets home?! 


Xo! 
Elle 

Looking up..

 Tomorrow I will be a whole year older. I actually have no problem with getting older, I know it's a privilege that many don't see. My problem is looking older, lol. My mother looks amazing for her age. She will be 50 soon, but doesn't look it. People honestly think we are sisters sometimes. I've always told her I hope I age as gracefully as she has. 

My fireman has always looked young also. He's going to age in that dignified manner, I just know it. He's always been so irresistible to me. I was looking at older pictures recently and even then, he made my heart flutter. Looking at those pictures reminds me easily. 

It still happens now. I will look at him, his eyes, his shoulders, his hands, his mouth.... I could go on and on. Just one glimpse of him has almost the same reaction as him calling me a "good girl."  I could stare at him forever. :) 

Thursday and Friday of this week were downers. Even after I posted my edit to the last page, my mood crept back up. A comment he made.. as purely fact, I mistook and that escalated into a small argument. He told me sternly to go to bed. I sat on the couch for a minute longer.. I really didn't want our evening to go that way, but it already was. It was getting a little past my bedtime, so I waited momentarily, then got up and went to bed. 

I really expected him to come in, tell me to remove my panties, and climb up on the bed. I knew I deserved it. I knew I had been disrespectful by not listening to him explain, I had been moody all day. Instead, I laid there watching a rerun on the DVR and fell asleep. 

It carried over. Ugh. Yesterday I was crummy. We texted, argued a little. I got a little mouthy. I knew if he found the opportunity, I would be in for a punishment yesterday evening. He was slightly late getting home from work, I had somewhere to be at 6, then the girls were having a mini-sleepover. 

He did tell me that he intended to cool-down and come in after I went to bed Thursday night. But, by the time that happened, I was asleep. I was am thankful he swears to never spank when angry. I know mad is bound to happen, but when he's really angry, he swears he won't do it. 

They were up late, we cuddled on the couch and watched the end to a movie we'd started last weekend but never finished. Then we finally went to bed. I was a little surprised when he didn't give me the spanking instructions, but I think he probably didn't think it was the right time with company being in the house. 

At some point today, I know I'll receive it. I'm going to try to not pout or get out of it. I don't want to make excuses as to why he should let me off the hook. I don't want to question him and ask why he wants me to come in our bedroom. I need the reset, the reaffirmation, the reminder. I need the connection and probably the release, too. 


I'm sure I'll let you know how it goes. 

Xo, 
Elle 

Who would've thought?

Last night was a busy night. I swear, I don't see my husband until Thursday some weeks =\ 

I had a hair appointment, the girls each wanted their hair cut, and the only time my beautician had available before my birthday this weekend was last night. I started dinner, fireman finished it, and made my plate. If you don't eat this before you leave, I'm going to be upset with you. Okay, I'll eat it. It looks great. 

It wasn't the sit-down family dinner I swear every week we are going to do every night (so unrealistic for us...), but it was nice (and yummy)!! 

The girls and I went to our appointment, the baby and fireman stayed home and watched the Barrett-Jackson car auction and some college basketball. We stopped by the grocery store on our way home and got back a little later than I'd liked, but we needed groceries, so not much you I can do about it. 

I got everything for #1 ready for school the next morning, we sent the girls to bed, and I cuddled up next to fireman on the couch for a few minutes before my looming bedtime. Did you read any? (One of my requests for the week is to read a financial/budget book.. It's easy to read and I'm a fast reader...). Ummm yes? Crap, I'd forgotten to get to that today. Wrong answer. 

Rats. I figured it was maintenance night and I was wondering if he'd actually punish a little extra for not completing the request. Come on, he gestured to our bedroom. I tried to get out of it a little, giving pointless excuses and reasoning. Why? I have no idea. It's not going to work. I want this lifestyle, so why do I try to get out of it? 

He started, but our bed sits up so high, it's getting awkward to lay across it.  Usually, he does ten with the little toy paddle, but at 12 (counting in my head instead of out loud), I said hey, don't you usually only do 10, isn't that 12? I don't know. Smack. Why don't I know? Smack. Hmm? 14, I counted out loud from then on. Point made, lol :) 

Climb up on the bed. I know, I'm sliding. I scooted. 

No, like completely climb up. 

Now, lay down on your elbows. Oh, what a position. New and scary, but all of the instruction from him made me tingly inside! 

He switched up implements a couple times, rubbed, squeezed... I love the rubbing and squeezing. Then he laid his hand on my lower back and said commanded? instructed: stay there and walked out of the room. Whaaattttt? Yummy. Submission at its finest. Simple instruction, very risqué pose with my chest down, behind up, and facing where I couldn't see the door. I had no idea of what he was doing or how long he'd be gone, but I was staying there. For him. 

He came back. Smack. Rub. What are you going to do tomorrow? Um, laundry? Smack. Rub. What else? Take my mom to the doctor! Smack. Rub. What else? Read! Good girl. Tingles!! Did he just call me a good girl! haawwwwtttt! Smack. Rub. Anything else? Is that a trick question? Smack. I don't know? I was just checking, you're done. Hugs. 

You can go to bed now. Oh I can? Then the look. You don't know when to stop do you? I wondered if he'd come back and spank more, but he didn't. He just tucked me in our bed and kissed me goodnight. 

I went to sleep thinking about him calling me a good girl. I never would've imagined him saying it.... And never would've imagined enjoying it the way I definitely did :) who would've thought?! 

Wonder if I'll get another "good girl" anytime soon.... 

Xo! 
Elle