Smooth sailing...

Lately around here, it's been smooth sailing.. But how long will that last? I try to just focus on the positive. Even if another bump comes, I think we will know how to handle it. My fireman has said he will not let it get to two weeks again. I don't think he will let it even go a couple days. 

We were on an every-other-day maintenance schedule. I liked it. (Maybe Mrs. D is right, maybe I am a spanko, lol). I love knowing he's in control. I love the role affirmation. Of course I love the connection it brings us. I know FM had said he is more confident since beginning ttwd. He's been more confident in all areas, not just our relationship. I love that, too. He deserves that self-confidence. :) 

We aren't back to every-other-day yet, but we are back. We had our first reconnection-type spanking session on Wednesday. Then extra maintenance on Thursday. Nothing last night, we'll have to see what happens tonight. I'm going to wear super-cute panties just in case, lol :) 

Today has been a great lazy Saturday. We watched the Adam Sandler movie Hotel Transylvania with the kids (cute little movie, btw). I had a little errand to run with our girls, watched some college basketball. Nothing big and exciting, but a little while ago he grabbed my hand while we were sitting on opposite ends of the couch. 

It's not a bold affirmation of his love for me, like spanking or sex, but it's a little reminder. We are in this together. He's always there for me. I'm here for him. I love this renewed connection we have. 


Hope everyone has a great weekend!! 
Xo! 
Elle :) 

Finally!!!

It had been two weeks... 14 days... 336 hours... 20,160 minutes. Lol :) 

It may have technically been a few hours & minutes less, because I'm pretty sure the spanking that occurred two weeks ago was at bedtime, where yesterday's (yes, yesterday's!!!!) spanking was earlier in the evening. 

 #1 was is feeling much better, thank you all for the well-wishes!! She tested positive for the flu at the doctor, fought a hard battle, but is finally beginning to feel better. Nothing worse than seeing your baby sick and not being able to do much about it, I know everyone can attest to that. 

My fireman had just gotten home and I told him I needed a nap and a shower. I slept napped on the couch with #2 the previous night, continuously waiting for #1, who was sleeping on the love seat, to get sick again. Thankfully, it never happened. I think she was over the final hurdle. But I was just exhausted. I got the girls' hair fixed and they ran out the door before saying goodbye, lol. They were so excited to see the sun! 

The baby was starting to whine and get cranky, we both knew a nap was really needed. Fireman laid him down, I was just sitting on the couch. He went to our room, walked over in front of me and said let's go in there. Wha? Oh, we are alone? Baby is asleep, or on his way! It is quiet! I hadn't even seen the opportunity, lol. 

Wait, I have to get a quick shower and wash my hair. The look. No, really. I'll hurry, I'm not trying to get out of it, I swear. Okay. I'm not going to get in with you in case they come back or want to come home. Well, that sucks, but okay. 

I didn't take any extra time, just quickly showered, shampooed, and conditioned. Dried off, combed my hair, walked to our room. I grabbed a tank and panties and 'assumed the position' as he says. 

He did an extra long, light warm-up and I completely forgot to count. He climbed up on the bed at some point and kind of sat on my knees. He was getting his next two implements and I'm not sure if he sat on my legs so he could reach my ass better or if it was for my to not kick my legs... I don't kick them out of pain, it's just habit. My legs go up, lol. 

The beginning half of the spanking was pretty yummy.. But then the hairbrush. I always wonder what I was thinking when I bought it! But, if its not used too hard, it's not that bad, but on those ouchy strikes... Owwwwww. He kept rubbing the cool wood over my behind, pick it up, smack. Wiggle. 

I tried to not comment, but at the end, I was like okayyyyyy aren't you done yet? 

How long have we been doing this? 

Like, this time? I dunno! 

No. We've been doing this for how long? And what's our procedure?

Our procedure?  Then it hit me. 

Mmhmm. 

How many is it? 

Exactly. Then he said the number. 

So I counted the last few and I won't forget to count again. He reminded me of a few things I was supposed to be doing. Ultimately, it reminded me of our roles and that we are in this together. 

Then when he sat near me as I was curled up, I knew we were where we are supposed to be. My world is right again. :) 

Xo, 

Elle 

Real life friends..

Well, I realized when replying to Susie on my last post that I am jinxing us. Every time I say 'we are going to have a reconnecting maintenance session tonight' something crazy happens and we don't get to. 

Yesterday, #1 woke up with a fever. No school for her. Tylenol for her and she played with #2 quietly for most of the day. Mostly they played together nicely on the iPad. My mother-in-law took the girls so I could take the baby to his class. She went to her mothers and the girls love it there. She is a junk-food junkie and will give them bags of candy and powdered donuts to bring home. Only after they've eaten some at her house too, lol. 

#1 fell asleep there at 7:15. She slept in the car, slept when I brought her in, and while I was taking her temperature. 102. Rats! No school again and definite doctor appointment for today. I'm just waiting for the office to open, so I can call and make her an appointment. 

I had just laid her in our bed and since she was sick, fireman wanted her downstairs in case she needed us. I agreed, but I also knew what that meant. No maintenance for us. Our bedroom is way too close to the living room. 

No more jinxing! When it happens, it will happen. 

I started thinking about my comparison of real-life friends to blogger friends. More than once, Fireman has told me how he wished he could share this thing we do with his best friend. 

They are a couple that doesn't spend a lot of time together, never talks, has some problems. Probably more serious problems than I even know. My fireman wants them to have the closeness that we have, the renewed look on life. All of the positive things you can think of that come as a side-effect of domestic discipline. 

But he knows he can't tell them. 

Have you ever shared this with anyone in real life? 

Xo! 
Elle

Weekend recap...

** this ended up longer than I intended! :) 

I think we are getting back on track. I don't know that it's back to 100%, but it's not as distant here as it was last week. 

I don't like it. I don't like the accidental break we took. Anytime there is a change, I generally am not a fan. I like a routine, knowing what's expected or preferred and no surprises. It's been weird here for so long! 

I appreciate all of the comments left on my last post. I love Blogland and all of you so much. There is so much support and friendship here. It's probably better than real-life friendship, lol. Here, you all know everything. IRL, I'd never talk about sex or domestic discipline. My real-life friends and family know what I look like and how I talk, but you all know our lives and how we live. It's an interesting difference! 

We talk all the time. We talk all day when he's at work via text, unless one of us is super busy. Even then, we will send a quick note to rack other. We've always been texters, since texting was a thing, lol. We have always had a cell phone since we've been together, so it's always been relatively easy to contact the other. I think I had just gotten my phone when we began dating. Dinosaur Nokia that was the coolest phone ever! Lol! (Now my iPhone laughs at my mother-in-law who still uses the old, OLD Nokia. So funny). 

Friday night we watched a couple episodes we were behind on from the DVR (man, I love that thing. We would NOT be able to watch any tv without it!). It was great. We sat close on the couch and watched. He went out to pick up some quick dinner (in the snow, too). The kids went to bed, I fell asleep near him on the couch. Crap, no maintenance tonight, I thought as I walked sleepily to our room. Even half-asleep dd is on my mind.... 

Saturday comes early. #2 woke up at 5am to potty. Wouldn't be so bad if she could reach the light, lol. She somehow woke up #1, so I turned a movie on and let them lay on the couch. I laid in bed and played games on my phone until I fell back asleep. Because they were up so early, they watched a movie in their room after playing all morning and tiring themselves out. Baby down for a nap.... Shower time together ;) nothing better than that in the middle of the day. 

The shower and the overdue events that occurred after helped us get somewhat reconnected, but it's still not completely there. I kind of waited around the rest of the weekend, but no mention of any maintenance or role affirmation, whatever you want to call it. I kind of just use maintenance as an umbrella term for us. 

All weekend I was somewhat submissive, I think. I deferred bigger decisions to him, didn't do anything that I know aggravates him. I made breakfast Saturday morning, but started feeling crummy halfway through and he took over. We actually had a slight argument before I started and I can't remember what it was about. It only lasted like 5 minutes, maybe less after the words were spoken. Before ttwd, that totally would've continued all day. 

This morning, I thought I'd get up and shower with him, then ask for some maintenance before he left.... But I didn't. I really should've. 

We've been texting all morning and talking about things. 

He made some excellent points.. 

*It's weird. It's been about 9ish days since our last (symbol for spanking), which is way too long and I'm certain you agree. But I have a fear that, bc it's been so long, you're going to have a problem getting back to it. It's just an awkward feeling I have. And I almost didn't know how to bring it up and get us back to a (symbol for spanking) routine.* 

It's actually been 12. And then after more convo... 

*I don't want you to go to that negative place. We can't stop doing ttwd, we can't. We're out of routine, yes. But we just have to jump back in. We have three kids and things that change everyday.

It's going to be hard to not get off schedule or routine every once in a while.*

Didn't I just write how I hate change? Lol. Does this man know me or what? 

I replied *I don't know how to respond to that.*

*Oh, ok. Let me help you. 

Elle- "ok, tell me what I can do to help us get back on track."
Me- "when I get home tonight and say that it's time, you give me no looks or smart comments, you just get up and go assume the position, but be aware that we ARE DOING THAT when I get home"
Elle- "ok, I can get down with that. You lead and I'll follow"*

I want to live in his head. Perfect conversation from me lives there, lol :) 

So, I guess we will see what happens.. 

Hope you all had a great weekend! 
Xo, 
Elle 

Still no excitement...

What is it about life getting in the way? 

Monday, as predicted, didn't really get to see Fireman until late. We sat near each other on our sofa, he had a late dinner, and I probably dozed off. Bedtime hasn't really been a consistent rule.. I find myself not paying much attention to the time. 

Yesterday I did laundry all day. (Yay me!). I haven't gotten it all put away yet, but I will. We were invited out to dinner and decided to go, since we were both tired and didn't feel much like making dinner. 

I visited a relative in the hospital (she's fine, nothing serious) and ended up staying with her all night. It was her first night there, I knew she was worried and sometimes her husband sucks. He's not an HoH at all :(  

I came home super  early and got fireman out of bed. I had completely intended to shower with him, but I sat down on the sofa while he was getting his things together and kinda fell into a daze. Of course the hospital staff had been in and out all night, sleeping in a recliner isn't my comfy bed, and I was trying to be awake when she was so I could help if she needed. 

It clicked when I heard him open the bathroom door. Missed opportunity. I thought you'd come in and shower with me. I actually meant to and I'm not really sure what happened. Come and talk to me for a minute. What?  Talk about what? Just come and talk to me, I didn't get to talk to you at all last night. (I really was thinking he meant for maintenance, which we've never done morning maintenance, but anything is possible. I was just too tired for it...). He finished getting his work stuff together and finished getting dressed while we talked about nothing in particular. 

Tonight is another busy evening. Our girls have a class they take, then I have an exercise class I've already committed to attending (that was before the getting little-to-no sleep last night..). 

I will be home plenty early before bedtime.. And he will probably join me in my shower, I'm almost positive he will. We'll have to see what happens after ;) 

Xo, 

Elle 

Oh PS, hop over to Ami's  page and send her some well wishes. She and her hubby have a difficult road ahead and I know she could use all the love she can get :) 

The hairbrush and complaining...

He tried out the hairbrush last night...... On my poor little curvy, bare behind.... 

He was watching some college basketball, I was playing games on my phone, checking Facebook, doing nothing. I'm gonna go hop in the shower. It's 9:37. Ummm yes, I'll hurry. HoH look. Quick cheesy smile.

I grabbed panties out of my drawer and a flimsy tank and hurried in the shower.  I was just getting ready to turn the water off when he placed his arms around me and grabbed the ladies (lol).  I gasped! What is he, a ninja?! I never even heard him, lol. 

We shower together so often I feel lonely if I'm in there by myself. He takes one alone every morning before he leaves for work, so he may not feel the same. Although, I am supposed to be getting up with him, but that's been a big fail... I should start getting up and showering with him every morning. That would be a great way to start the day. He does want me up with him... Which makes me wonder why he hasn't been enforcing that rule? request. I'll have to ask him. 

He dried me off (so sweet!!) and I got dressed in what little attire there was to be dressed in anyway and went to our bedroom. I grabbed my phone to plug in, not really paying attention, then noticed he had his? our? the implements laying on the end of the bed. 

He always places his hand out, gesturing me to the bed. He's not dressed so formally, like this picture though, lol. Sometimes google images are not helpful, lolol :) 

He slid my panties down and I immediately wondered why he let me put them on for the 15/20 seconds that I had them, lol. That thought was immediately followed by the sensation of his hand skimming my leg all the way from my hips to my ankle.... 

Still having trouble with my shoulder/underarm, so it took us a minute to get me into a good position. He began with a little bit of a lecture... The one I'd been waiting on from last week. We have agreed to try to not have such a delayed punishment, but we know in doing ttwd, having three young kids, plus his job, and two fire departments, opportunities aren't always going to be available. We are going to have to be flexible and work around things. 

He started with the little toy ping pong paddle thing. That's always his warmup. I forgot to count, he tapped the right side of my behind. Oh! Two! 

I kept turning around to see what implement was next. I was am? definitely a little afraid of that hairbrush.  He gave me the look again. I turned back around. 

I sometimes think he strikes a little too high. Is he supposed to only get the bottom part of my behind? He said I'll just complain that he strikes in the same place. Which, I then felt badly about. I do NOT need (or want!!!) to comment or complain. I'm really bad to say ow.. or too high.. or any other comments. Whether its maintenance or punishment, I just need to keep my mouth shut. But, that's always been my problem... I need to work on that. If we ever do boot camp, that's something I would want to focus on. 

Overall, I thought the hairbrush was okay. I know he took it easy on me last night. I don't feel it at all today. He said its very easy to control, so that's good. I can definitely see how I could come to not like it though! 


What's your favorite implement? 

Xo! 
Elle 

Who would've thought?

Last night was a busy night. I swear, I don't see my husband until Thursday some weeks =\ 

I had a hair appointment, the girls each wanted their hair cut, and the only time my beautician had available before my birthday this weekend was last night. I started dinner, fireman finished it, and made my plate. If you don't eat this before you leave, I'm going to be upset with you. Okay, I'll eat it. It looks great. 

It wasn't the sit-down family dinner I swear every week we are going to do every night (so unrealistic for us...), but it was nice (and yummy)!! 

The girls and I went to our appointment, the baby and fireman stayed home and watched the Barrett-Jackson car auction and some college basketball. We stopped by the grocery store on our way home and got back a little later than I'd liked, but we needed groceries, so not much you I can do about it. 

I got everything for #1 ready for school the next morning, we sent the girls to bed, and I cuddled up next to fireman on the couch for a few minutes before my looming bedtime. Did you read any? (One of my requests for the week is to read a financial/budget book.. It's easy to read and I'm a fast reader...). Ummm yes? Crap, I'd forgotten to get to that today. Wrong answer. 

Rats. I figured it was maintenance night and I was wondering if he'd actually punish a little extra for not completing the request. Come on, he gestured to our bedroom. I tried to get out of it a little, giving pointless excuses and reasoning. Why? I have no idea. It's not going to work. I want this lifestyle, so why do I try to get out of it? 

He started, but our bed sits up so high, it's getting awkward to lay across it.  Usually, he does ten with the little toy paddle, but at 12 (counting in my head instead of out loud), I said hey, don't you usually only do 10, isn't that 12? I don't know. Smack. Why don't I know? Smack. Hmm? 14, I counted out loud from then on. Point made, lol :) 

Climb up on the bed. I know, I'm sliding. I scooted. 

No, like completely climb up. 

Now, lay down on your elbows. Oh, what a position. New and scary, but all of the instruction from him made me tingly inside! 

He switched up implements a couple times, rubbed, squeezed... I love the rubbing and squeezing. Then he laid his hand on my lower back and said commanded? instructed: stay there and walked out of the room. Whaaattttt? Yummy. Submission at its finest. Simple instruction, very risqué pose with my chest down, behind up, and facing where I couldn't see the door. I had no idea of what he was doing or how long he'd be gone, but I was staying there. For him. 

He came back. Smack. Rub. What are you going to do tomorrow? Um, laundry? Smack. Rub. What else? Take my mom to the doctor! Smack. Rub. What else? Read! Good girl. Tingles!! Did he just call me a good girl! haawwwwtttt! Smack. Rub. Anything else? Is that a trick question? Smack. I don't know? I was just checking, you're done. Hugs. 

You can go to bed now. Oh I can? Then the look. You don't know when to stop do you? I wondered if he'd come back and spank more, but he didn't. He just tucked me in our bed and kissed me goodnight. 

I went to sleep thinking about him calling me a good girl. I never would've imagined him saying it.... And never would've imagined enjoying it the way I definitely did :) who would've thought?! 

Wonder if I'll get another "good girl" anytime soon.... 

Xo! 
Elle 

Maintenance and Bedtimes...

I feel like I haven't seen my fireman in forever. Monday was sickness, Tuesday he had a fire-related meeting, then last night was an activity for our girls, a quick break, then an exercise class for me. I want need a Saturday! 

I have a new bedtime rule. He wants me to wake up with him in the morning and try to get on a better schedule. It was mostly my fault that #1's morning was rushed and hectic. I wasn't getting her up early enough, not giving the two of us enough time to get ready for her to make the bus. I do not like arguing in the morning before she leaves (or arguing at all, really). 

It's not that much earlier for me to get up, maybe an hour, but it makes the difference in seeing him and that was enough of a reason for me. I was staying up later than I needed to before, but now it's much better. 

Except last night. We finally got the kids in bed around 8:45, my class was from 7-8, so by the time I got home I didn't have a lot of time. He pushed bedtime back to 10, we watched a little tv from Monday (thank God for DVR!), and got a shower together. It was after 10, but he let it slide. I am not sure what time I actually fell asleep, I'm sure it was before 11. I had asked if I could watch a little tv and he knows I hate not having the tv on when I go to bed!! 

Now, this morning I woke up late, only enough time for a long hug. I'm so tired right now... And I'm sad that I didn't get to see him more this morning. I texted him: I'm so tired. I'm sorry baby. 9:30 back in action. Lol. Lol okay man. 9:30 it is. 

Do you guys have any rules you thought you'd not like at first, but now appreciate?? 
On a positive note, I haven't been in trouble since last Wednesday!!! Whoo! I should get a party or something! (Speaking of... My birthday is coming up! Lol)

I really think maintenance has helped a lot with that. He has not done daily, I think he thinks it might get mundane if he would do it every single day. I don't know, he'll have to give his opinion on that. It has been happening just about every other night. 

Let me think..... Punishment Wednesday, maintenance Thursday (which he could've said was just the second part of Wednesday's punishment.. I deserved it), Saturday, but I can't remember Sunday! I think maybe, oops. I don't know for sure!! Tuesday was maintenance also, but none last night. 

Once it was funny. I tried to keep my pants. No. Then panties. No. (But i swear, I do that every time...) I laid across our bed and presented my bottom to him. He was quiet, I'm not entirely sure what he was doing if he was just making me be patient and wait, if he was checking out my behind. I couldn't take the silence and I knew the smack was coming, but I needed to say something! anything! Wait a minute, what's this for? Did you get a lecture? No. Okay, then if you don't get a lecture, it's just maintenance. Okay, got it. Works for me! *smack* pause... What's our procedure? Our procedure? Yes, what are you supposed to do? Counting, my brain thought. Oh, um one... 

Tuesday, he surprised me. I was not expecting maintenance. I had gotten everything ready for the next morning with his help, too. It was just before 9:20 and I was checking my phone before I went to our room. I walked in, he was standing by the bed with his favorite only? Implements on the end of the bed. 

I guess I'll have to see for tonight. I kind of like the every-other-daily maintenance. It makes me feel super connected and roles are definitely reaffirmed. 

I am loving our renewed life with ttwd. I don't think we've ever felt so close or together in anything. :)


Xo! 
Elle 

Realizations..

I need to get back to normal. I feel like everything is still kind of floating and spinning around me, but I'm not spinning with it. The kids are staying up so late, there's not much "us" time, no real maintenance since the bean bag chair. It's only been two days, but it feels like longer. 

The consistency seems to be lacking.  I'm not sure how I haven't spiraled out yet. Usually, by now my body mind is craving attention and acts out to get it. In our pre-domestic discipline days, we would've had a huge blowout by now. I have no idea how it hasn't happened this time. I wasn't aware of it until just now and I definitely haven't been fighting the urge (like I have in recent history to not start an argument). 

Maybe it's really working.  I think the fact that we haven't had a huge blowout this holiday proves it. I think I just had an epiphany. The realization didn't occur to me until I began writing. 

Emi J at Veiled Obsessions wrote a post about second guessing living this lifestyle. Check out her post Wash, rinse, repeat  I've been there. I second guess all the time, but now with this new realization, maybe I do get it.  I'll have to ask my fireman his opinions. It's much easier to talk to him via text. We stay on topic, even if its a while in between replies. If we try to talk here, we are interrupted, the phone rings, a million other things come up, then we forget what we are talking about.  I still haven't gotten to ask him how he feels about the term submission. 

Our spanking style needs adjustment too. I'll probably regret it at some point, lol, but the feeling doesn't stay very long. I think for it to work in my head, maintenance or punishment, I need that warm bottom feeling to stay longer than just a couple minutes. How does he achieve that? What advice to I give him? I have made the decision to not (or try to not) say ouch or make any comments. Generally it's just a reflex and it really isn't even painful.  I could be making him feel like its really been enough from my comments than him deciding what really needs to be enough. 

And then there's the problem of what he thinks is enough, but I don't? I guess I could tell him and politely ask for more, but I don't want to have to do that every time.  I do want him to be in control and I think me constantly telling him how to perform his role as HoH is undermining his authority. 

I love this blog. I get my thoughts in order and come to new realizations that I hadn't thought about before :) I'm sure ill revisit these topics soon. 

Xo!
Elle

The bean bag chair :)

Christmas went off here beautifully. I stayed up late waiting for the kids to fall asleep; someone has to greet Santa. ;) My fireman got our presents from his parents' house and I spent forever arranging and rearranging. I know it doesn't matter to the girls (and certainly not the baby) how the presents are arranged, but it does to me. 

My fireman sat in his chair partly watching 24 hours of A Christmas Story and commenting on how we had wayyy too many presents. We have three kids! Honey, that's enough for 10 kids. It is not. Yes, it is. Well, I really didn't go over budget. I got pretty much everything on sale, the majority on Black Friday. It's still too much. 

It probably was, but I couldn't help it. Pretty much everything went together. I honestly thought I would be getting a Christmas Eve spanking. In fact, I was sure I would once he saw the amount of presents. I didn't though. He must've had some Christmas spirit! 

We spent most of the day hanging out here, opening and assembling stuff for the kids. We visited some family. Oh! Completely left my wallet at a store on Christmas Eve. Almost figured I'd be in trouble for that, too. I wasn't careful and either left it in the buggy or it fell out of my pocket. Turns out, some sweet person turned it in. With the little bit of cash I had in it!! Lucky lucky! I was very grateful! 

Then yesterday we were organizing and trying to get the girls moved to their room upstairs. I'll finally get my bedroom back once we get this done and move the baby into their room.  I was slightly sassy, but not too bad. I think I maybe got one warning. My fireman was working upstairs and we were being flirty. I went up to check on him and got playfully sassy. He gave me a few fun swats, but we were interrupted. 

I came downstairs and set the girls up with their new play doh sets, got them a snack and drink, and got the baby in bed for a nap. I decided I'd let him ask him for some maintenance (which he says was more punishment for my mouth earlier).  I secretly grabbed his little ping pong paddle and took it upstairs. 
I ended up face down in a bean bag chair with my behind presented to him. Ever been spanked in a bean bag chair? It's kinda hot ;) 

We did some other things in the bean bag chair after... I had no idea when I bought him that chair for Christmas so many years ago that it would be used for dd and extras, lol. 

That's quite a submissive position for you and a dominate one for me. I guess so, you like it? I really do. Me too. (I'll have to keep that one on file). Mainly, I just like that he likes it. I like the submissive feeling and him having the control (I think I've said that one or fifty times before, lol). 

I'm not into true D/s.  I like reading some blogs that practice it, I think it's fascinating. But still, not for me.  I could get into playing it for an evening when it's just the two of us, though.  

I'm still working on (and will be for a long while) being submissive. And I still need to ask my fireman his thoughts on the term. After yesterday, especially. 
I wonder if there is a "submit" button like Staples' (or is it OfficeMax?) "Easy" button? 






Xo!
Elle 

3 in 24..

I paid for my sassiness and bad attitude, but I completely deserved to. Probably deserved even worse than what I got, but maybe I just have a graceful HoH.  
I posted yesterday (Mindset) that I just didn't feel submissive. I want to be. I want to give him complete control. I trust him with everything that I have, I just still struggle with completely getting my mind right. 

Last night, the girls finally fell asleep around midnight. The baby had fallen asleep much earlier, I think. The girls were just relentless. Drinks, then a snack, potty.. It was endless. Once they were asleep, I knew it was coming. I had just hit publish on my article and laid the iPad down (I know. I guess I haven't learned my lesson that blogger + iPad = disaster).  

I was sitting on our couch and he stood in front of me. What? You know catchy what. Lets go. Um, well, I'm not exactly feeling it right now. Too bad. It's not really your decision. I complied. I really did not want to, but I did. 

I turned around on the couch but didn't really present my behind to him. One last act of defiance, I suppose. Just for the record, I feel terribly about all of this now. One final direction from him... I'm going to let you keep your pants, but you're going to count and after each one, you're going to say thank you. Uh, I don't think so. Oh yes, you are. No, I'm definitely not. On my side, he was definitely bringing up this new rule idea at the worst possible time. On his side, it really didn't matter and he can make whatever rule he wants to.  I refused. (Oh I know. Absolutely dreadful. I'm telling you my mindset was awful last night!)  I did end up apologizing for being so rude about it, before I fell asleep.  I will do it in the future if he truly wants me to. Although, I'd really rather count and then say thank you at the end. 

We had one other problem.. Striking in the exact same place. His preferred implement is kind of similar to a belt. I'm not tiny, but I'm not heavy either. I'm smaller than what is claimed to be average, but I have curves. Definitely not a stick. He says because there's not much real estate back there, it's hard to not strike the same spot.  I got quite a little angry when he got the same place three times in a row. I let him know, too. He finished, and let me know he was done. 

I was still not in the right place. I was closer, but it still wasn't there. He sat down in the chair and I glanced at him. Okay, feedback? He just looked at me for a moment. In my head I was debating on telling him we needed a do-over. We need to approach things differently. Then, suddenly he said, I feel like I need to redo that. We talked about why, talked about a few possibilities of changing things up. My mind was slowly getting to the correct place. 


I think we need more strikes at varied intensities. And maybe also changing up implements. Okay, I can maybe try that. I don't think he's big on the idea though. I almost think he wants a higher intensity, but less strikes. That doesn't help me feel it though. I don't want the warm behind to leave after a few short minutes. I don't want extreme pain, just a happy medium. 

Are you doing it over? I want to. Well, I was going to suggest it also. I'm okay with you redoing as long as you stay away from the one place. He went to get a small paddle (like a child's toy with the ball on the string.. Quite thin, but he likes it). 

No pants this time. Panties? said with a smile. No. Replied with no smile. He proceeded to randomly alternate his hand and the paddle. It helped A LOT. I was completely where I needed to be after that short redo session. My behind was very warm as I crawled into our complimentary warm bed. All night I was aware of the one spot, turns out I have a bruise. I thought maybe it would bother my fireman (I actually bruise easier than I'd like, lol), but he saw it during the redo session. I was actually proud that he kept going!!

Then today we got a quick moment alone at home. He joked about giving me a speedy maintenance session before we left to visit some of my family. Okay, do you really want to? Actually, I do really want to. Okay. Lets go in there  (gestures toward the living room/our bedroom). I started to climb up on the couch, but then realized we were alone! We could use our room! Wherever you're the most comfortable. Aww.  Bed it is! I got 10 not too bad swats with that almost-like-a-belt implement. I asked what about the different implement and different intensities? No, just this for now. Finnnnnnnee. 

So, three spankings in less than 24 hours. I guess it was probably more like 18 hours. That's more than I've ever gotten before. Wonder if I will get Christmas Eve maintenance? I guess we will see.. 

Mindset

I didn't think I was going to have a blog post today. I certainly didn't plan to. Sometimes, I'll know what I want to write about as soon as I wake up. Other times, something will happen and that will give me an idea that I'll evolve into a post at some point. 

I fell asleep last night. I should've had a punishment coming for being disrespectful when he arrived home from work yesterday. Read about that on Behaving when I completely jinxed myself. With #1 (our oldest daughter, she's in kindergarten) being on Christmas break, bedtime has gotten a little later.  I knew it was coming, but I ended up falling asleep on the couch waiting for them to go to sleep. 

However, my fireman didn't acknowledge a punishment or maintenance for the evening. I wasn't sure if he would follow through or not. Turns out, he wanted to, but it just didn't happen.  Have I mentioned how I despise delayed punishment?! It drives me crazy... Seeing as how I'm not an HoH and never will be, there's not much I can do about it. 

Then there's my mindset. Sometimes I am ready and completely willing to submit (for lack of a better word) for my maintenance or punishment. I generally know when I'm going to receive one or the other at the end of the day, so I'm ready. Typically I've made peace with it, to some degree. I'm ready to just put it behind us and be on the receiving end of a spanking. 

Other times, not so much. Like right now. He's acknowledged that I have one coming. Part maintenance, part punishment. (That's just how he does it. I know that's different than what others do). We talked earlier about how I assumed he just forgot about things last night. He explained that he didn't, but he just kept waiting for the kids to really sleep.  I just don't have the right mindset at the moment. 

I know dd is good for us. I know it works, especially for us. I just don't know how to get in the right mindset and stay there, especially before a punishment. Honestly, I was hoping writing this would help. I'm unsure it has, but we will see. I can sink into a bad attitude... Quickly. It's like a sinking ship, I'm going down, but my nice self turns into a sassy, almost bratty alternate.  It's not a fun trip for me. I really don't enjoy the sassy attitude, but she doesn't care and hangs around sometimes. 

Fortunately, my fireman can typically deal with her. She hasn't made many appearances since we began ttwd, but I'm afraid she's here now. Someone tell her to back the f#^# off. I believe I know just who will be the one to tell her... The baseball bat in that picture kind of looks like a paddle.... Yikes. 

I dunno. Any suggestions will be gladly appreciated. I'm sure I'll figure it out. If not, I'm pretty sure he'll take care of it. 

Xo
~Elle 

Behaving :)

I wonder if I'll end up jinxing myself with this one? I guess we will see. :) 

First, a big congratulations on surviving the end of the world with me, lol. Except, according to some the time hasn't come yet. To others, the time that it was supposed to happen has already passed. I guess we will see. My thought is.. Leap year. If it were really the end, they didn't account for leap year. Shouldn't we all have gone up in flames a while ago? Oh well. Not important. 

I realized something great this morning when I woke up.  I haven't been in trouble since Sunday! I was actually thinking it may have been longer, but nope, I checked.  Still though, that many days is good for me :) I usually start getting.. out of hand? I don't know what terminology to use, but I guess out of sorts. I think knowing he doesn't feel well and knowing there is impending maintenance helps.

On the maintenance front, my fireman hasn't been feeling very well =\  Our daily maintenance hasn't happened the way we thought it would at the beginning of the week. He has been so exhausted by the end of the day, plus feeling bad made it worse. But, I'm hoping for maintenance tonight. I feel like I need it. We are doing really good well though.  I feel like we've been getting along really well this week. He's going to be home in just a little bit, then he's home for the rest of the year!! Yayyy! I'm so excited to have my family here together. 

Being together with not much of a break will be interesting though. Since we've been doing ttwd, this will be our first big break together.  In the past, we have had big fights at Christmas. I remember slamming doors, going places alone, yelling, and being angry. At the end of whatever stupid argument we would have, I felt bad. Sometimes it would drag on. Then resurface with the next argument. Rarely was anything resolved. I'm so thankful for dd now. Everything is taken care of. No underlying issues. No taking two days of fighting or the silent treatment to get to what's actually wrong. 

I get a little stressed out bouncing around from house to house, visiting family. Last year wasn't bad, but we had a brand new baby. I was still coping with issues from having surgery and a messed up epi that I'm still dealing with issues from. My fireman was wonderful though. He helped me so much. We could have began ttwd then, our relationship was (is!!) strong.

Being around some people makes me very uneasy though.  Especially some of his family, but I'm hoping those reminder sessions we incorporate will make a big difference.

.... so I wrote all of that earlier, before he got home.  Then.. an incident.  I knew writing a post on being good would be jinxing.  It just had to do with the kids and him and I felt like he wasn't here. 

I kind of melted down on him. At the time, I was just mad, hurt, super angry and now I feel badly about it. I really do. He hasn't said anything about punishment, but the kids are all running wild. He will definitely let me know by the end of today. I love that. Even though I won't love getting in trouble.. Or that blasted counting, but I will love that tomorrow it won't matter. It will be over, done, and taken care of. 

Found this and thought it suited DDers pretty well :) 










Have a great before-Christmas weekend! 

Xo! 
~Elle 

Following directions..

When something needs done, I try to get it done. Just don't come check my laundry, you won't believe me! I have 3 kids, I always have a lot of mountain of laundry to do. As they get older, I fear it will only get worse. 

I'm getting way off subject already!! My mind has a tendency to wander. Wonder if I'll ever get punished for that.... I think about that sometimes. What bad habits of mine is my fireman keeping track of? We didn't want to throw everything out there all at once, but I know additional rules will be added as we continue along. I always wonder what I'm doing now that will get me spanked in the future. 

I know that look though. He has that HoH look down. You know the one. The one that says you're pushing it. I get that look all of the time sometimes. I think he's actually been using that look for quite some time. I can remember seeing it on his face in different situations in the past. I'm sure I didn't care at the time. I feel less than great about that now =\  I often wish ttwd would've been brought into our lives earlier, but I know this is the right time. 

We are temporarily doing daily maintenance. Only for one week. I suggested it after last weekend, you can read about that here. I am curious if it will actually be a straight seven days. One bad thing about both my fireman and I, we aren't very consistent. I try to be, just like with laundry that I mentioned above. I'll get on a good schedule, but then something happens and I fall off the wagon. We are consistent with love and our children, but just not with doing things that need to be done.  I'm a little worried that one day, we'll fall out of the dd lifestyle. 
He says I hope not. I certainly think it has had an extremely positive effect on our marriage and not just the spicy part, although the impact there is undeniable. (Just copied that from his text directly). I asked if he wanted to elaborate. I love when he talks about this stuff to me :) 

So, I hopped in the shower after we got the kids all in bed last night. I was standing under the water, just letting it fall before I began washing my hair. I opened my eyes and my fireman was standing in front of me. :) yay. I love when he joins my shower time <-- that's what I call it when he starts being stingy with the water, lol.  I love interrupting shower time. Sometimes, if I can drag myself out of bed when he gets up, I interrupt his.  He's a Scorpio, he likes water ;) 

I put on some comfy pants and a tank when we got out. He looked at me like ha. You know our new rule. Maintenance is no pants also. I can take them off easily. Well, alright then.  

I started looking at some pictures on the computer of a recent family session we all had done. My fireman was playing ps3. After I few minutes, he stopped his game, when to get his stashed implement, and stood beside me. No verbal directions, but I knew what it meant. Okay, I'm just sending a quick text and I'm done. I climb on the couch and present my behind. I thought it would be in my favor to be super compliant. Especially since he hasn't used this implement with me bare. 

I reminded him. Just in case. I'm aware. He yanked my flimsy pants and panties down.  I could be wrong, but I think he took in the view for a second. Men. ;) 

Whack. Owww. Okay. Very sting-y. Whack. Ouch. Really. That is not fun. Whack. Owwwww. 

That's three. And you need to count. Rats. I thought maybe that would not continue. I countered the next two, they were stingy and I lost count. At 6 (I know. It sounds like I am such a weenie!) I lost count. Owwww, I don't remember what number we are on?! 6. Keep counting. 

We got to ten and he moved away. I thought that meant it was over. I slid my pants easily up and immediately heard did I tell you you could put your pants up? Um, no. I quickly slid them back down. 

Whack. Owww okayyyy. He stopped. I probably should stop that little whining. It probably makes him feel like he needs to stop, when he really doesn't. Tricky thing, this dd.  

I know I get it much easier than a lot of you. I mean, I only got 10 11 last night, but yikes! Maybe it's because we are just starting out? We don't have much in the way of implements.  He uses his belt and this guitar strap that he was pretty creative about (that's what it was last night). It's leather and kind of padded inside or something. It's much thicker than a belt, but it still has that end-sting that a belt has. 

I bought a hairbrush once in the beginning, but it wasn't wooden, so it broke when he was just holding it. Oops. Maybe I need to buy a wooden hairbrush? I don't have any wooden spoons. I'm terrified of actual paddles. I don't know. Any suggestions are welcome! 





Xo! 
~Elle