Thank you all for your kind words and prayers about the baby. He did come through surgery fine. We had a couple rough patches and at one point, I thought for sure he was going back to surgery. They even called a surgeon in in the middle of the night. I had a panic attack at that moment and thought for sure I'd pass out.
This week has been so rough. Fireman is out of town, like many other firefighters this week. There's a big thing (since I don't know exactly what to call it), and many firefighters and fire-related companies head to this each year. Last year I'd managed just fine. New~ish baby, but we were okay. He was sleeping through the night, so it wasn't a particularly rough week.
This year, so much different. I'm losing my mind. I was okay Monday, even with the baby having a really tough recovery day. Even Tuesday, into Wednesday I was doing okay. Then Wednesday night it hit me. We still had a couple days before he was going to actually be home.
Bedtime has been thrown out the window. I don't think I've even gotten to the bed until after 11:30 every night this week. (Wow, just now blogger tried to eat my post. Jerk. Thank you, auto-save!). The baby has slept terribly. I've been up and down. I've had some help from my family, but not from other people that I expected to at least check on him. I'm extremely pissed about it and its completely changed our extended family dynamic. Of course, they don't know it has, because they haven't called or checked or anything... But they will. As soon as they need me for something, they'll soon find out. I'm done.
So, along with hurt, frustration, and now anger from all of that, add in little sleep, plus fireman being gone... It's not a good place for me right now.
I finally told him last night and I think he got it, but there's really nothing he can do. He's hours away. He's not alone, so he can't just leave. I'm trying to be supportive, but he's even got something Saturday after he comes back. That's when I realize even though he'll be back tonight, he'll be tired. He'll be going to sleep.. Then up early to go to another fire-related activity/training. I'll have to do Saturday alone and we have a lot scheduled. Sunday we will be together, but then Monday starts all over again and he has training that night, too.
My head is not a fun place right now. I feel like I'm being overly dramatic, but it's just all becoming a lot. My family letting me down, being alone... And even after he comes back I'm going to be alone again.. it's just too much.
Oh elle I'm so sorry your having such a rough time. I don't know your family situation, but perhaps you should call these relatives and let them know you need help. Maybe they're just waiting to hear from you and if they haven't heard from you they assume everything is ok. I hope you get some rest soon.
ReplyDelete(((hugs))) elle, I'm sorry you're going through this, adn I certainly understand the 'alone-ness' imposed by career things. I'm not close enough to be of much help, but if you just need to talk, I'm here.
ReplyDeleteGlad the little one is okay. Hope you get to feeling better.
ReplyDeleteAwe Elle,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you have had such a rough week and had to do it alone. You have had an exhausting week physically and emotionally with the babies surgery and recovery.
I hope he is recovering well now and sleeping better and that you are able to get some much needed rest. I hope too that you and Fireman get some time to reconnect over the weekend.
Sending huge (((hugs)))
Roz
I'm so glad the little guy is doing well but you really need a break. I sure hope this week goes better and your fireman is home most evenings to lend a hand.
ReplyDeleteOH Elle,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Sending thoughts and hugs your way. Try and rest when you can.
Hugs
Oh Elle, that really is too much. I don't think you are being over dramatic at all. You are tired, you need help, and there hasn't been enough. And in the middle of it all, you miss the man that has become your center. {{{HUGS}}} It's okay to need the stability to return.
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot on your plate right now Elle. I hope this week is going better. (((((hugs)))))
ReplyDeleteElle, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I do hope you're finding yourself in a good place soon.
ReplyDeleteHold the positive and loving thoughts in your heart, cut the negatives loose so they can't weigh you down.