Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Looking to Friday

I'm not one to wish time away. I don't like how fast the time passes and seeing my kids get bigger. Every. Single. Day. Stop growing up so fast! Lol.  The baby has passed up #2 in weight. She's super tiny, but still. There are two years between them. #1 is my happy big-girl, kindergartener. I feel like it was just yesterday they were all born. 

I am looking forward to Friday though. Counting down the days, hours, minutes.  I haven't had a full night's sleep in I don't know how long. I've been having serious trouble falling asleep. My 9:30 bedtime hasn't been practiced in over a week. It's 11, 11:30, even 12 before I fall asleep. I try. Hard. But falling asleep takes forever. 

Then with #2 being sick, she's been not sleeping well and getting up in the middle of the night multiple times. I try not to let her wake up fireman. He can't be a zombie at work all day. At least here, I can turn on Disney channel and rest my eyes. Or impossibly try to get everyone down for a nap at the same time, lol. 


With sick kids and exhausted parents, there is no maintenance happening here again. No maintenance = non-submissive Elle. I need that role affirmation and knowing he's in control. Lately it feels like no one's in control and this bus is heading off a cliff, lol. 

I haven't been keeping up with things like I'm supposed to. No reading that financial book. No making sure laundry is done everyday. No rule enforcement at all. It's slightly frustrating. I know I shouldn't need him to make sure I'm getting stuff done like I want to. I shouldn't need the threat of a non-good girl spanking to get my tasks completed. But I kind of do. I don't think he wants to be super strict, I'm not sure I want him to be either. Sometimes I do. Other times...nope. 



Submission feeds dominance. Dominance feeds submission. But if neither is happening, it's a little chicken & egg, don't you think? Which comes first? 

Friday. I have a lot of expectations out of Friday, which is probably bad. I don't have specific expectations, so maybe it won't be a failure. Hopefully and with no unforeseeable issues, the kids will be staying all night with their grandparents on Friday.  That means a whole evening, night, and morning for just my fireman and I. 

I would love to go out for dinner, just because I have yet to eat one full meal of mine this week lol. It doesn't matter if the same thing is on their plates, mine is obviously more appealing, lol. I don't think I even care where, just as long as its the two of us together. He said maybe a movie, too.. But that doesn't matter to me either. 


I just want the time. Then I want my long overdue maintenance. Even if I get it between now and then, which is entirely possible, I still want it then. Maybe even twice. Before we go and after we get back. I want to be submissive Elle. :)  

Maybe we could even practice some him being more dominant/me being more submissive exercises. I don't know what they could be, so suggestions are welcome! I'm just wanting to make the most of our time. It's been a while since we had time for us and I know we need the refresh of ttwd :) 

Xo! 
Elle 





29 comments:

  1. Elle, Have you ever tried a 'surrender date'? Hubby chooses what you wear, where you eat, orders what he wants you to eat, etc.
    We did one near the beginning of this journey; it was awkward because I wasn't used to the submission. I think now would be much easier.
    Have a wonderful date.

    Cheers,
    Jen (gs girl)

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    1. I think that might be fun to try! Thanks!

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  2. It can be very frustrating when there isn't follow through with the rules and I have to agree it is nice to know 'he' is in control. I hope you get plenty of maintenance this Friday. :)

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    1. Thanks! We had a good talk yesterday, I'm going to write about it in a minute :)

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  3. Ah Elle...you need a break so badly. Hang in there.

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    1. Thanks Susie! I have slept for the past two nights, so yay for that!!

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  4. One little piece of advice: don't forget to tell him.

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  5. Hope date night goes well and that you receive your overdue maintenance- before and after huh?

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    1. Thanks!!
      Yes, both the good kind ;) lol.

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  6. I agree with Bas. Text him..Ask him to read your post. Don't feel guilty about counting down until Friday. All couples need to reconnect, ttwd or not. Several years down the road the kids will be gone and you will have each other, but it is important to continually cultivate that relationship whenever you can now.

    Enjoy the company of each other on Friday. That is most important.
    willie

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    1. I always think about that.. After the kids are gone, it will be us!

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  7. I hope you get some rest, and soon. You deserve it, have a lovely Friday when it comes :)

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  8. Awe Elle, hang in there! Hopefully things will settle down a bit soon, as No 2 starts to get better and you can get some rest.

    You are right, dominance and submission feed off each other and it can be so hard when life just gets so busy. Wishing you all the best for Friday and hoping it all turns out the way you want it to and that you get some reconnection time.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz. I think we are turning it around!

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  9. I understand you completely Elle - because I was in exactly the same position with small children and myriad tasks plus job, years ago now. But also because at the moment our maintenance/reconnection has been five days and I'm already full of the jitters. I'm not keen on 'enforced' submission because it makes me fight back even more. Heaven help him if he ever tried to tell me what to order in a restaurant - but we tend to chose the same thing always, apart from I have a side salad and he has fries. I am more of a 'carrot' girl than a 'stick' girl. Promise me a spanking and I'm putty in your hands.... Is there any time during the day that you could have just a little 'power' nap? Could you lie on the sofa after your evening meal and ask Fireman to keep an eye on the kids? I never slept through the night for five years when ours were small so I do know how destructive tiredness can be. I used to cry with tiredness. But don't worry if all the housework isn't perfect - it doesn't matter. These years go so quickly, and you will then be like me - wishing you could repeat them. You are so lucky with you lovely little family - all that you feel is completely normal. I do hope you have a restful and reconnective twenty four hours!

    Many hugs,

    Ami

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    1. I do feel very lucky! Fireman lets me nap always on the weekends and he never gets mad. I try to enjoy all of it now, you're right!

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  10. You need a break Elle :) How much time do you get for yourself? Even just a half hour per day makes a difference. It is hard when they don't follow through :( and leaves one wondering all sorts of things. Hang in there Elle

    Many many hugs :)

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    1. I try Togo to a cardio dance class 2 times a week, that's what I like. This week, it will just be once since #2 wasn't feeling well, but I'm going to try to make it tonight. And maybe to another class tomorrow. There's not much free time, but yay for the weekend. :)

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  11. Wow, reading your post is like looking at my life for the last 2 1/2 months . Between sickness in one of the 6 of us. Or Guy's work. I think we have only been able to do R/A or manitaince maybe 3 or 4 times. It is so easy to get lost in the chaos of life. But once you have seen how good ttwd can be, it is easy to feel lost with out it. We were able to have a moment on sunday night but not what it needed to be. then life and snowdays have been happening. I am very frustrated not feeling submissive in the slighest. So I really hope you get what you need on friday. Just remember to communicate, they cant read our minds. I love the idea of the surrender date. I asked on sunday for maybe some submission exercises to, but we are so new to this we werent sure what to do. I hope you get the time you want and need, I'm sure he is missing it just as much as you.
    Good Luck
    Gigi

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    1. Thank you Gigi! I need to work on communicating better. He told me to just ask for maintenance when I feel like I need or, but that's not always easy.

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  12. Oh, Elle, you sound SOOO tired. Have you talked to your doctor about your tiredness? I know some doctors are really good at sitting down and talking to you about your lifestyle, and then helpful at giving some ideas that can make it easier to get to sleep once your head hits the pillow. They can even suggest some vitamins or exercises that increase your bodies want to sleep. {{{HUGS}}} Other than that, I agree with Hez, even a half an hour a day to yourself is something you might need. At a job, you'd be given that plus other breaks to just step away from everyone, and you need that in your home life as well. I hope you're able to find a way to do that so that you get renewed energy. :)

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    1. I have a checkup on Monday. I just might bring that up. Thanks Es May!

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  13. Hang in there Elle, those times with them at that age are so challenging. Trying to keep up with consistent DD would be next to impossible as you know.

    My advice, go to dinner and skip the movie for some good old alone time while you can grab it.

    Hope you get the before and after you are looking for.

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    1. Thanks! I think we will be skipping a movie. :)

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  14. Its pushed back until tomorrow, but that's okay! It's still going to happen!!

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  15. Have a great night tonight and tomorrow ♡♥♡

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