He tried out the hairbrush last night...... On my poor little curvy, bare behind....
He was watching some college basketball, I was playing games on my phone, checking Facebook, doing nothing. I'm gonna go hop in the shower. It's 9:37. Ummm yes, I'll hurry. HoH look. Quick cheesy smile.
I grabbed panties out of my drawer and a flimsy tank and hurried in the shower. I was just getting ready to turn the water off when he placed his arms around me and grabbed the ladies (lol). I gasped! What is he, a ninja?! I never even heard him, lol.
We shower together so often I feel lonely if I'm in there by myself. He takes one alone every morning before he leaves for work, so he may not feel the same. Although, I am supposed to be getting up with him, but that's been a big fail... I should start getting up and showering with him every morning. That would be a great way to start the day. He does want me up with him... Which makes me wonder why he hasn't been enforcing that rule? request. I'll have to ask him.
He dried me off (so sweet!!) and I got dressed in what little attire there was to be dressed in anyway and went to our bedroom. I grabbed my phone to plug in, not really paying attention, then noticed he had his? our? the implements laying on the end of the bed.
He always places his hand out, gesturing me to the bed. He's not dressed so formally, like this picture though, lol. Sometimes google images are not helpful, lolol :)
He slid my panties down and I immediately wondered why he let me put them on for the 15/20 seconds that I had them, lol. That thought was immediately followed by the sensation of his hand skimming my leg all the way from my hips to my ankle....
Still having trouble with my shoulder/underarm, so it took us a minute to get me into a good position. He began with a little bit of a lecture... The one I'd been waiting on from last week. We have agreed to try to not have such a delayed punishment, but we know in doing ttwd, having three young kids, plus his job, and two fire departments, opportunities aren't always going to be available. We are going to have to be flexible and work around things.
He started with the little toy ping pong paddle thing. That's always his warmup. I forgot to count, he tapped the right side of my behind. Oh! Two!
I kept turning around to see what implement was next. I was am? definitely a little afraid of that hairbrush. He gave me the look again. I turned back around.
I sometimes think he strikes a little too high. Is he supposed to only get the bottom part of my behind? He said I'll just complain that he strikes in the same place. Which, I then felt badly about. I do NOT need (or want!!!) to comment or complain. I'm really bad to say ow.. or too high.. or any other comments. Whether its maintenance or punishment, I just need to keep my mouth shut. But, that's always been my problem... I need to work on that. If we ever do boot camp, that's something I would want to focus on.
Overall, I thought the hairbrush was okay. I know he took it easy on me last night. I don't feel it at all today. He said its very easy to control, so that's good. I can definitely see how I could come to not like it though!
What's your favorite implement?
Xo!
Elle
I paid for my sassiness and bad attitude, but I completely deserved to. Probably deserved even worse than what I got, but maybe I just have a graceful HoH.
I posted yesterday (Mindset) that I just didn't feel submissive. I want to be. I want to give him complete control. I trust him with everything that I have, I just still struggle with completely getting my mind right.
Last night, the girls finally fell asleep around midnight. The baby had fallen asleep much earlier, I think. The girls were just relentless. Drinks, then a snack, potty.. It was endless. Once they were asleep, I knew it was coming. I had just hit publish on my article and laid the iPad down (I know. I guess I haven't learned my lesson that blogger + iPad = disaster).
I was sitting on our couch and he stood in front of me. What? You know catchy what. Lets go. Um, well, I'm not exactly feeling it right now. Too bad. It's not really your decision. I complied. I really did not want to, but I did.
I turned around on the couch but didn't really present my behind to him. One last act of defiance, I suppose. Just for the record, I feel terribly about all of this now. One final direction from him... I'm going to let you keep your pants, but you're going to count and after each one, you're going to say thank you. Uh, I don't think so. Oh yes, you are. No, I'm definitely not. On my side, he was definitely bringing up this new rule idea at the worst possible time. On his side, it really didn't matter and he can make whatever rule he wants to. I refused. (Oh I know. Absolutely dreadful. I'm telling you my mindset was awful last night!) I did end up apologizing for being so rude about it, before I fell asleep. I will do it in the future if he truly wants me to. Although, I'd really rather count and then say thank you at the end.
We had one other problem.. Striking in the exact same place. His preferred implement is kind of similar to a belt. I'm not tiny, but I'm not heavy either. I'm smaller than what is claimed to be average, but I have curves. Definitely not a stick. He says because there's not much real estate back there, it's hard to not strike the same spot. I got quite a little angry when he got the same place three times in a row. I let him know, too. He finished, and let me know he was done.
I was still not in the right place. I was closer, but it still wasn't there. He sat down in the chair and I glanced at him. Okay, feedback? He just looked at me for a moment. In my head I was debating on telling him we needed a do-over. We need to approach things differently. Then, suddenly he said, I feel like I need to redo that. We talked about why, talked about a few possibilities of changing things up. My mind was slowly getting to the correct place.
I think we need more strikes at varied intensities. And maybe also changing up implements. Okay, I can maybe try that. I don't think he's big on the idea though. I almost think he wants a higher intensity, but less strikes. That doesn't help me feel it though. I don't want the warm behind to leave after a few short minutes. I don't want extreme pain, just a happy medium.
Are you doing it over? I want to. Well, I was going to suggest it also. I'm okay with you redoing as long as you stay away from the one place. He went to get a small paddle (like a child's toy with the ball on the string.. Quite thin, but he likes it).
No pants this time. Panties? said with a smile. No. Replied with no smile. He proceeded to randomly alternate his hand and the paddle. It helped A LOT. I was completely where I needed to be after that short redo session. My behind was very warm as I crawled into our complimentary warm bed. All night I was aware of the one spot, turns out I have a bruise. I thought maybe it would bother my fireman (I actually bruise easier than I'd like, lol), but he saw it during the redo session. I was actually proud that he kept going!!
Then today we got a quick moment alone at home. He joked about giving me a speedy maintenance session before we left to visit some of my family. Okay, do you really want to? Actually, I do really want to. Okay. Lets go in there (gestures toward the living room/our bedroom). I started to climb up on the couch, but then realized we were alone! We could use our room! Wherever you're the most comfortable. Aww. Bed it is! I got 10 not too bad swats with that almost-like-a-belt implement. I asked what about the different implement and different intensities? No, just this for now. Finnnnnnnee.
So, three spankings in less than 24 hours. I guess it was probably more like 18 hours. That's more than I've ever gotten before. Wonder if I will get Christmas Eve maintenance? I guess we will see..
I didn't think I was going to have a blog post today. I certainly didn't plan to. Sometimes, I'll know what I want to write about as soon as I wake up. Other times, something will happen and that will give me an idea that I'll evolve into a post at some point.
I fell asleep last night. I should've had a punishment coming for being disrespectful when he arrived home from work yesterday. Read about that on Behaving when I completely jinxed myself. With #1 (our oldest daughter, she's in kindergarten) being on Christmas break, bedtime has gotten a little later. I knew it was coming, but I ended up falling asleep on the couch waiting for them to go to sleep.
However, my fireman didn't acknowledge a punishment or maintenance for the evening. I wasn't sure if he would follow through or not. Turns out, he wanted to, but it just didn't happen. Have I mentioned how I despise delayed punishment?! It drives me crazy... Seeing as how I'm not an HoH and never will be, there's not much I can do about it.
Then there's my mindset. Sometimes I am ready and completely willing to submit (for lack of a better word) for my maintenance or punishment. I generally know when I'm going to receive one or the other at the end of the day, so I'm ready. Typically I've made peace with it, to some degree. I'm ready to just put it behind us and be on the receiving end of a spanking.
Other times, not so much. Like right now. He's acknowledged that I have one coming. Part maintenance, part punishment. (That's just how he does it. I know that's different than what others do). We talked earlier about how I assumed he just forgot about things last night. He explained that he didn't, but he just kept waiting for the kids to really sleep. I just don't have the right mindset at the moment.
I know dd is good for us. I know it works, especially for us. I just don't know how to get in the right mindset and stay there, especially before a punishment. Honestly, I was hoping writing this would help. I'm unsure it has, but we will see. I can sink into a bad attitude... Quickly. It's like a sinking ship, I'm going down, but my nice self turns into a sassy, almost bratty alternate. It's not a fun trip for me. I really don't enjoy the sassy attitude, but she doesn't care and hangs around sometimes.
Fortunately, my fireman can typically deal with her. She hasn't made many appearances since we began ttwd, but I'm afraid she's here now. Someone tell her to back the f#^# off. I believe I know just who will be the one to tell her... The baseball bat in that picture kind of looks like a paddle.... Yikes.
I dunno. Any suggestions will be gladly appreciated. I'm sure I'll figure it out. If not, I'm pretty sure he'll take care of it.
Xo
~Elle
I wonder if I'll end up jinxing myself with this one? I guess we will see. :)
First, a big congratulations on surviving the end of the world with me, lol. Except, according to some the time hasn't come yet. To others, the time that it was supposed to happen has already passed. I guess we will see. My thought is.. Leap year. If it were really the end, they didn't account for leap year. Shouldn't we all have gone up in flames a while ago? Oh well. Not important.
I realized something great this morning when I woke up. I haven't been in trouble since Sunday! I was actually thinking it may have been longer, but nope, I checked. Still though, that many days is good for me :) I usually start getting.. out of hand? I don't know what terminology to use, but I guess out of sorts. I think knowing he doesn't feel well and knowing there is impending maintenance helps.
On the maintenance front, my fireman hasn't been feeling very well =\ Our daily maintenance hasn't happened the way we thought it would at the beginning of the week. He has been so exhausted by the end of the day, plus feeling bad made it worse. But, I'm hoping for maintenance tonight. I feel like I need it. We are doing really good well though. I feel like we've been getting along really well this week. He's going to be home in just a little bit, then he's home for the rest of the year!! Yayyy! I'm so excited to have my family here together.
Being together with not much of a break will be interesting though. Since we've been doing ttwd, this will be our first big break together. In the past, we have had big fights at Christmas. I remember slamming doors, going places alone, yelling, and being angry. At the end of whatever stupid argument we would have, I felt bad. Sometimes it would drag on. Then resurface with the next argument. Rarely was anything resolved. I'm so thankful for dd now. Everything is taken care of. No underlying issues. No taking two days of fighting or the silent treatment to get to what's actually wrong.
I get a little stressed out bouncing around from house to house, visiting family. Last year wasn't bad, but we had a brand new baby. I was still coping with issues from having surgery and a messed up epi that I'm still dealing with issues from. My fireman was wonderful though. He helped me so much. We could have began ttwd then, our relationship was (is!!) strong.
Being around some people makes me very uneasy though. Especially some of his family, but I'm hoping those reminder sessions we incorporate will make a big difference.
.... so I wrote all of that earlier, before he got home. Then.. an incident. I knew writing a post on being good would be jinxing. It just had to do with the kids and him and I felt like he wasn't here.
I kind of melted down on him. At the time, I was just mad, hurt, super angry and now I feel badly about it. I really do. He hasn't said anything about punishment, but the kids are all running wild. He will definitely let me know by the end of today. I love that. Even though I won't love getting in trouble.. Or that blasted counting, but I will love that tomorrow it won't matter. It will be over, done, and taken care of.
Found this and thought it suited DDers pretty well :)
Have a great before-Christmas weekend!
Xo!
~Elle
We keep falling behind (no pun intended) on maintenance. My fireman had said he was going to incorporate more, but it really hasn't happened much. It seems Sunday after the kids go to bed, I always get a spanking. Usually, punishment. I swear, it's because no maintenance happens for the beginning of the weekend, then somehow I find myself in trouble. Monday we talk about it and get more details ironed out. Sometimes maintenance on Monday or Tuesday... Then nothing until Sunday.
It's a vicious cycle. I feel great right now, the high after. The closeness, the we're-in-this-together feeling. Today is Monday, the morning after a punishment. But tomorrow, I don't know. I'm not sure how my fireman feels about daily maintenance. I'm not entirely sure how I feel.
Maybe it doesn't need to be daily, but definitely more than Tuesday-Sunday. In fact, I just send a text to initiate a conversation about it.
Edit:: He's going to consider daily maintenance for like a week until we get into the swing of doing more regular maintenance. I'll let ya know what he decides :)
This weekend, I realized something else I need to initiate a conversation with my fireman about. Sometimes, I need that reassuring, reaffirming, maintenance type spanking before we go certain places. I think it's because I need to feel that he's in control of the situation and that it's going to be fine. I get anxious when we are going to be in certain situations with certain people or like a party where I'm not going to know anyone. I hate these situations.
I always feel like some members of his extended family aren't my biggest fan. I just have different beliefs than some of them and while I'm po,it's, I can get a little closed off and just be on autopilot to get through the situation. But, I think it would help if we had a little reaffirmation before we left to go to the party. Does anyone else do this?
I think it would really help, but I'm not sure what my fireman will think about it. He is getting a lot more into it. He's doing better every week and becoming more and more HoH~y.
Edit: after talking with him via text today, he agrees and thinks it might help.
I was in trouble last night. My bratty attitude and smart mouth had shown up too much over the weekend. A while back, he had decided no jeans (rats! I was hoping he wouldn't notice that it wasn't as effective, lol). Generally, I was allowed to keep my yoga pants on. He does like the way my ass looks in them. Apparently wearing something that says "love pink" on the waistband doesn't help my bottom though, lol. So, my fireman has now decided he likes to see my behind pink.
Last night, he dropped a bomb on me (omg, I'm leaving that, but it was completely not intended, lol) that from now on, no pants. Ughhhhhh. Okay.
Then another bomb. No cute little panties are going to save your ass either. One again, probably unhelpful to wear VS pink panties, too.
Whatttttttttt??? This is very out of character for my fireman. He's definitely taking this HoH role seriously.
And then for the final bomb. You're going to count. Me? I'm counting? Yes. Just for today? Nope. From now on. Really? Yes, really. 1...2... Ow 3.... And so on. When he was finished he gave me another direction.
Except, that wasn't enough. Not for him, for me. I didn't feel like I could comply. Old me would've waited until the next day to text him and just went through the motions for the directions I was given. So. I told him. The sting from the not-bad-enough implement was already gone. I knew my behind was like wtf, are you for real? But if we are doing this, we are going to do it right.
Alright. He got up and picked up his jeans. Yikes, what have I done?? You didn't have to go straight to the belt. I tried to reason to pick something else. What? I have no idea. We don't have much in the implement department. I haven't used this one. Lean forward. Do I have to count again? Yesssss. 1.. Owwww 2.. Owww okay 3... And so on.
Okay. Alright, I really am sorry. And yes, that was better.
And we proceeded to have a very nice ending to the evening ;) I am loving this take action, confident man who has shown up and is here to stay :)
Xo!
~Elle
Those four words can leave any dd wife a little (or a lot) nervous.
We had just had a really good maintenance session on Monday. Felt so great and connected after. It had been about a week or so since the last spanking, we had a really busy week last week (and I was good! Woohoo!!). I always feel better after maintenance and we had just talked about how we were going to incorporate more of it into ttwd. I was definitely relishing in that closer feeling that I wrote about last time :)
And then it happened. That little brat came out. She got aggravated because her children know nothing about the word "hurry" and don't have any intentions of actually moving quicker than normal when running late. Hubz was a few minutes later than normal getting home from work and #2 had a class that we had to be at 15 minutes later. The day was stressful and chaotic, but it was still no excuse. I hate that little brat and hate when she creeps up inside me.
I have a temper. I know, you're thinking nice, funny, beautiful, sweet Elle? Really?? (Lol, ok maybe you weren't thinking exactly that. But it's my imagination, so we are going with it, lol).
It wasn't enough for the little brat inside me to ask him nicely why he was late. Seriously, he knows she has an activity. He knows what time. He cannot control the red lights.
But it wasn't enough. After I got #2 to actually move and get out the door, then back in because she didn't get a jacket, then back out one more time and in the car, I called him. I know. Horrible idea. I should've just let it go.
But no. That wasn't enough. I was mean. I told him he didn't care about their activities because he was only concerned about money. Then he said it. We will discuss this later.
Maybe it's because this is new to us? I should've just shut up right then. I did know what it meant. I knew that I should've just said I need to get off the phone and politely ended the conversation that never should've occurred in the first place.
Ohhh, but no. I continued on. I am the only one who takes them to everything. Yap yap yap yap. I could hear him getting a twitchy palm, I swear.
Then I pulled into the parking lot. I said I have to go. I'm getting off the phone. Hubz said ok... And then.... *warning* do not do this ever.... I hung up! Omg. I walked into the class and I knew. I just knew that it was wrong and that I'd definitely be paying for it later. But the little brat was mad and she wasn't listening to me.
Came out to a text. I thought we were past this disrespect. I guess I was wrong. Crap!
Got home, had more to do. #1 had to be at a quick dinner and pick up her presents from an activity she was in at the beginning of the school year. Came back home, hubz still at meeting, I got the stuff ready for the next day, kids all in bed, sat down and watched something mindless on tv.
He came home not too long after and we talked. He did say I owed him. Yep, I know. I am really sorry. I swear.
So, of course, I paid my debt. Definitely no talking my way out of it this time. I didn't count, I just focused on how I was completely wrong in letting the little brat have her way. I didn't cry, but I was close. Not because it hurt, just because I really did feel awful about it.
Which reminds me.. I need to talk to him about that. That's another favorite about ttwd. Communication is amazing. We can talk about any and everything. And we do.
He hugged me in the way that only he can, my hubz is the best hugger. You automatically know you're loved when he hugs. It's always been that way. I think he was made for this lifestyle.
And we are all better :)
