Mindset

I didn't think I was going to have a blog post today. I certainly didn't plan to. Sometimes, I'll know what I want to write about as soon as I wake up. Other times, something will happen and that will give me an idea that I'll evolve into a post at some point. 

I fell asleep last night. I should've had a punishment coming for being disrespectful when he arrived home from work yesterday. Read about that on Behaving when I completely jinxed myself. With #1 (our oldest daughter, she's in kindergarten) being on Christmas break, bedtime has gotten a little later.  I knew it was coming, but I ended up falling asleep on the couch waiting for them to go to sleep. 

However, my fireman didn't acknowledge a punishment or maintenance for the evening. I wasn't sure if he would follow through or not. Turns out, he wanted to, but it just didn't happen.  Have I mentioned how I despise delayed punishment?! It drives me crazy... Seeing as how I'm not an HoH and never will be, there's not much I can do about it. 

Then there's my mindset. Sometimes I am ready and completely willing to submit (for lack of a better word) for my maintenance or punishment. I generally know when I'm going to receive one or the other at the end of the day, so I'm ready. Typically I've made peace with it, to some degree. I'm ready to just put it behind us and be on the receiving end of a spanking. 

Other times, not so much. Like right now. He's acknowledged that I have one coming. Part maintenance, part punishment. (That's just how he does it. I know that's different than what others do). We talked earlier about how I assumed he just forgot about things last night. He explained that he didn't, but he just kept waiting for the kids to really sleep.  I just don't have the right mindset at the moment. 

I know dd is good for us. I know it works, especially for us. I just don't know how to get in the right mindset and stay there, especially before a punishment. Honestly, I was hoping writing this would help. I'm unsure it has, but we will see. I can sink into a bad attitude... Quickly. It's like a sinking ship, I'm going down, but my nice self turns into a sassy, almost bratty alternate.  It's not a fun trip for me. I really don't enjoy the sassy attitude, but she doesn't care and hangs around sometimes. 

Fortunately, my fireman can typically deal with her. She hasn't made many appearances since we began ttwd, but I'm afraid she's here now. Someone tell her to back the f#^# off. I believe I know just who will be the one to tell her... The baseball bat in that picture kind of looks like a paddle.... Yikes. 

I dunno. Any suggestions will be gladly appreciated. I'm sure I'll figure it out. If not, I'm pretty sure he'll take care of it. 

Xo
~Elle