Friday, December 28, 2012


I need to get back to normal. I feel like everything is still kind of floating and spinning around me, but I'm not spinning with it. The kids are staying up so late, there's not much "us" time, no real maintenance since the bean bag chair. It's only been two days, but it feels like longer. 

The consistency seems to be lacking.  I'm not sure how I haven't spiraled out yet. Usually, by now my body mind is craving attention and acts out to get it. In our pre-domestic discipline days, we would've had a huge blowout by now. I have no idea how it hasn't happened this time. I wasn't aware of it until just now and I definitely haven't been fighting the urge (like I have in recent history to not start an argument). 

Maybe it's really working.  I think the fact that we haven't had a huge blowout this holiday proves it. I think I just had an epiphany. The realization didn't occur to me until I began writing. 

Emi J at Veiled Obsessions wrote a post about second guessing living this lifestyle. Check out her post Wash, rinse, repeat  I've been there. I second guess all the time, but now with this new realization, maybe I do get it.  I'll have to ask my fireman his opinions. It's much easier to talk to him via text. We stay on topic, even if its a while in between replies. If we try to talk here, we are interrupted, the phone rings, a million other things come up, then we forget what we are talking about.  I still haven't gotten to ask him how he feels about the term submission. 

Our spanking style needs adjustment too. I'll probably regret it at some point, lol, but the feeling doesn't stay very long. I think for it to work in my head, maintenance or punishment, I need that warm bottom feeling to stay longer than just a couple minutes. How does he achieve that? What advice to I give him? I have made the decision to not (or try to not) say ouch or make any comments. Generally it's just a reflex and it really isn't even painful.  I could be making him feel like its really been enough from my comments than him deciding what really needs to be enough. 

And then there's the problem of what he thinks is enough, but I don't? I guess I could tell him and politely ask for more, but I don't want to have to do that every time.  I do want him to be in control and I think me constantly telling him how to perform his role as HoH is undermining his authority. 

I love this blog. I get my thoughts in order and come to new realizations that I hadn't thought about before :) I'm sure ill revisit these topics soon. 



  1. Elle,

    Does he read your blog? If so, that will show him that you need more.
    My HOH and I are just figuring all of this out and I give him feedback all of the time.
    Telling him you feel like you need more still leaves it in his hands to decide what to do for the two of you.

    I just recently told my hubby (against my better judgement ;0 )that I didn't find the punishment spankings I was getting were "helpful" enough. I told him I was in no way trying to control things and he know it's still up to him ti decide what he feels is helpful for us. Sorry for the ramblings...hope this helps :)


    1. He hasn't read it yet. He knows I have it, but hasn't read any posts so far. He expressed interest, but with everything going on I know he hadn't had the opportunity.
      I will have to show him!! ;)

  2. Hey Elle....Mick has an excellent post on talking about spanking after the fact. It is well worth the read.

    Basically, if I remember correctly ( and you know I've been sick so you might want to check it out yourself) but if you discuss what you think you need, and then leave it up to him, it is not taking charge.

    As you may recall, Barney and I have had our issues with this. He couldn't believe how much I could 'take'. I know that we all know this is not ALL about that..but being spanked with a feather isn't going to cut it either now is it?

    It took a while for B. but he is getting more comfortable at pushing me near my limit. He certainly no longer frets about the results later in the day....sheeesh he could feign SOME

    I understand your desire though. The day that we had our marathon maintenance session, and I was shopping, the reminder walking through the store was surprisingly nice. Why? Because he left his comfort zone for me- and to me it meant he cared. ( Keep in mind I'm not talking from a punishment stand point-so there was no guilt prior).

    Does that makes sense?


    1. Definitely makes sense! I think he has hesitations and while I don't want him to hurt me, I want to feel it. I know it's a scary line for HoH's thought! It has to be!


  3. Hi Elle,
    It seems like you're analyzing more then second guessing because you're coming to realizations of what is working and changing and that's great! Thinking through the process is very beneficial to tweaking what works best and readjusting what can be improved.
    It sounds like you're working out your tolerance levels too which is so important. Maintenance Spanking afterward or preemptive Reminder Spanking can be useful tools if your Fireman decides it should be implemented. Something for a Sit Down Discussion maybe.
    So glad you enjoy blogging and sharing, we enjoy reading :)

  4. Thanks! I'm glad you guys do enjoy reading!!

    I think you're right. We probably do need to discuss a few things :)

  5. I can't believe you want to explore how to bring on the heat more.. HA HA HA...
    Just kidding, I have actually wondered the same thing.
    It seemed like before I got pregnant, I would feel it for at least a day later, but I don't know exactly what we did differently.. I DO think we should explore how to and what types of spankings we are doing, I just really don't want to bring it up and or try anything out because it feels.. odd? planned? I don't know...

    From what I remember, there is need for a warm up, then moving on to implement then a cool down so to speak, I can remember not sitting very pretty when we had done that in the past.

    Like everyone always says - communication... I never seem to get it though!

    1. I know, right!!?? Lol!
      I just read earlier somewhere about warm up, implement, cool down. I thought maybe that would work. I'm really getting it easy. I know one day I'll look back on now and be like, omg I was a moron, lol.

  6. You should definitely make your desires known. Just do it respectfully, and like the others said, leave the rest to him. I know DD and D/s arent quite the same, but for me as a sub, I dont think spankings would work at all as a punishment. I totally get maintenance, but for me, my punishments need to be fairly emotional to work. I write lines, do corner time, cold showers, etc. Also, what he says during a punishment is much more impactful than the punishment itself. I hope Im making sense with that lol.

    Anyway, Im rambling, but I do think you should talk to him. :)

    1. You definitely make sense!! He started out with a lecture, but he's kind of gotten away from it. I probably need to bring that up, too. But maybe I'll be super good and won't get punished! (Try not to laugh too hard, lol).