A very unexpected turn of events... 3

Read Part one here

Read Part two here

New Year's Day would've been one of those stay-in-bed-all-day days if we didn't have kids. I felt so bad I didn't want to face the world. But, you know kids. They need food and to be taken care of, lol. 

The baby laid down for a nap, the girls were up in their new room playing, there was nothing on television and my head was pounding. I went to lay down. I half hoped he would come in and lay with me, but the other half of me didn't want to see him at all. 

I took the longest nap I have in a long time. I came in to the living room and sat down. Talked with the girls and gave the baby his snack.  It took me a few minutes, but I checked my phone. 3 texts from my fireman... 

*******

Jan 1, 2013 2:58pm

Ok. Lengthy text warning. 

I've been truly intrigued by the DD. mostly bc of the improvements it's made in our relationship (less arguments/fights), but also bc of the improvements and new spice in our sex life. However, last night brought the train to a screeching halt. Bc of that eye opening, and what you said about not knowing/wanting to continue the DD, I decided I needed to understand. And bc you said you wouldn't speak to me until I "got it". So I found your blogs and read thru most all of them. Not in a spying fashion, I've wanted to read them for a while and told you so even, but I kept thinking maybe you'd send me a link or something. 

Since you didn't, I found them in the history and attempted to "educate" myself. I must say, I thought I "got it" before now. But I know now that I really didn't get it. Or at least, the importance and mindset of DD didn't sink in until I read what I did. I think you need to know that I think about DD everyday. Often it comes too late in the day, or too long after the fact. And after some of the things you said, I hope I've actually "learned" more about what "you need", and that my saying this isn't coming too late. I DO NOT want to stop DD. I realize I've said I'll do better, (and did mean it), though move again like with a lot of things have failed to follow thru. So bc of that, maybe this text will unfortunately be just as hollow to you. I hope not. Something I don't talk about to you are the conversations that go on in my head. 

For example, the way I analyze things when lessons are learned the hard way. The example I'll give is what happened earlier - as I try and put together what I've read from your blog and what happened yesterday: I should have done D before we ever left the house. I even thought about it before hand and just did nothing about it, which is usually the case most everyday when DD doesn't happen. I probably should have also taken you to the bathroom there for DD when you shut down on me, bc you shutdown too easy then when I was gone for 15 minutes talking to R----  about work. That shouldn't have been a problem, but you don't make a lot of effort to "adapt" to uncomfortable situations, which you found yourself in bc I left the room and you were alone with semi-unfamiliar people. T---- (the wife) had no problem with us, it was because C---- (husband) had been drinking since 1 that afternoon. But that's really irrelevant to the point. You should not have been so defiant when we got home. 

Jan 1, 2013 3:24pm

I understand why you got mad at me, that same reason is nothing new, although I try to be mindful of leaving you alone when we are in places of "unfamiliar territory" for you. But you dealing with being in those kinds of places has to be better. And actually it has been lately. But yesterday was not good, and I take responsibility in part bc I did not do D before we left which I feel may have made a big difference for you  and also bc I have still not been consistent at all with maintenance. And reading your blog emphasized that to me in a perspective that I guess I just really didn't get even though I thought I did. 

So, I'm sure there's more, but this is where I'm starting. Or stopping for now till there's too much for you to comment on. Reading your blog, I almost wondered if I shouldn't sign up and become "active" in that part of your world, or "Firewife's" world rather. That's your thing though, and I also don't want to somehow impose on that, so I guess I'll say that I'd like to do it with your permission. But also, I suppose if we're going to continue DD like you said in one post, we often communicate better by text. So if you'd like to continue this conversation, then text me back and we'll go from there. 

****** I replied

Jan 1, 2013 5:47pm 

You think you've figured it out. But you didn't. I hadn't even thought of all that stuff. While I'm appreciate that you took the time to try to figure it out. It's still not right. 

Then what is it that I'm not getting? Bc I really did think that was it... 

No. I'm really not telling you. I don't want to talk to you at all. Not even text. I just thought I should respond since you sent all that. 

Unacceptable. I don't care if you want to talk to me or not, I deserve to know what you're so mad about.  

Tell me and stop acting like this.  



Silence.  I was just still too mad to talk about it.  Stupid hurt feelings that I don't want to deal with.  Sometimes, I wish he was a mind reader.  Then I wouldn't have to write text say the words. 

I was sitting on the sofa with the girls, the baby was playing in the floor, they were all watching a show on television.  I started writing part one, he began making dinner.  We ate, he went to our room and continued matching socks (I refuse, lol. 5 different sizes of white socks? I do NOT have the patience for that). 

I guess he read part one... I received these texts... (I know, it's probably stupid.  We are in the same house, why not just speak. But sometimes it's easier with the little people running around to text anyway. We've gotten into the habit of texting each other about different topics). 

****
Jan 1, 2013 9:40pm

Ok.  There has been a gargantuan misunderstanding AND miscommunication.  

I DID turn to kiss you first!! I swear it. And you kind of turned your head even more slightly away from me, so I kissed (the baby).  I then turned back towards you, and nothing!! I kept waiting for the opportunity for you to look up at me so I could kiss you and wish you HNY, and you straight up wouldn't even look at me.  At the count down, you turned your head down and kissed (#2)!!! I thought you were shunning me because you were already mad that we hadn't left.  I didn't exactly just sit and stare at you, but the instant I leaned in to kiss you, you turned your head and I thought it was on purpose.  I swear to all that is Holy, I'm telling you the truth!!!

I thought you were shunning me, and since I knew you were mad, I wasn't going to press the issue!!


... I haven't gotten any feedback on part 2 yet.  But I kind of got mad and told him to stop reading my blog.  I texted and said that I didn't mean he couldn't read it, just to stop reading it at that moment.  I don't know if he's read part 2. 


Thank you all for your kind words and advice.  I know the way to fix it, just like you all said: communication.  

I'm going to initiate a conversation now.  He's probably busy from catching up where's he's been off work since the 21st, but he'll get back to me eventually.  

I'll let you all know how it goes... and what path we are going down.  

Xo, 
Elle