Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Written by Fireman & me :)

My fireman posted this as a comment on my Submission post, but I think it needed to be its own post :) 

At the risk of totally hijacking my loves blog, I want to offer a perspective if I may. I came from a semi-old fashioned home. Both parents worked, and mom waited on my dad hand-and-foot as the saying goes. Dad was never demanding about it though, don't misinterpret. In retrospect, dad just was overly helpful/considerate in some ways I think. Very rarely do I ask L to do things for me. God knows the kids run her ragged all day. The way I feel about it, is that I have two legs and can get my lazy ass up and do whatever I need to. Dare I say it, but I feel a bit like an ass to have her do these trivial things. I don't EXPECT her to make my dinner plate. I've even gotten the angry eye for doing it myself. My "motive" if you will is to be "helpful", and no more a burden upon her than any other way that I'm likely oblivious to already. 

The point I'm trying to make, whether it bares any similarity for any of you ladies, is that "submissiveness" MIGHT have more to do with us guys. I'm appreciative for everything my love does. I'm probably not helping her BE submissive because of the things I try to take care of on my own. So in trying to do the "good husband" things in my eyes, I'm likely impeding this feeling for her unknowingly. And I wonder if I'm not alone amongst other husbands. I actually had no idea that this happened for her at my family function. I DID notice that she seemed a little too excited/anxious to get me the pie, but the curiosity disappeared about as quickly as the slice on my plate. Obviously, I need to be more cognizant of these "little opportunities"? And surely this can go both ways, I mean, we do LIVE FOR one another, right? This could be just as difficult for me as it is for her!!! Lol.

I love that you said we live for one another :) it makes me melt. You have a good point. Maybe a lady's submissiveness can be helped more by her husband. 

Maybe it's a great idea that Pocahontas had in this post. She wrote how they talked about what being submissive, and correspondingly dominant also, means to both of them and that it really helped their expectations. Maybe we need to do this too? 

We also just talked via text about the statement he made about his mom waiting on his dad. That shocked me because she doesn't do it now. (She has even told me, why are you making his plate? He can make his own plate!) She doesn't as much anymore. But when we were kids, it was drastically different

I don't want to stop and make it look like it never happened..

Definitely something to think about for me today. 

Elle & Fireman :) 


  1. i too usually make my husband's plate @ home. When we are @ family functions he will make his own plate, but ask me to get him dessert. It may seem trivial, but sometimes it's the small things that show how much you care. Btw when he makes dinner, he will frequently fix my plate even though I don't ask him to. I find it very sweet that he reciprocates, it shows me me how much he appreciates what I do for him and that he notices and cares.

    1. It is sweet that it goes both ways. I had somewhere to go and he finished dinner and made me a plate. So sweet :)

  2. Hello Fireman - I like you a lot. At least you will read Elle's posts and Starman declines to do that. Maybe he will one day, but not at the present time.

    I sometimes do the 'plates' as you call it. But usually I put the food, vegetables etc into 'serving dishes' to that folk help themselves. The men of the family tend to have larger appetites, and I for one, am doing my best to eat smaller portions. I do, however, like to get Starman cups of tea (he loves Yorkshire tea the best) first thing in the morning and then I ask him often during the day. It's a little thing, but I like to feel useful. Maybe that's it. We wives like to feel useful.

    The family you came from fits mine completely. My mother at home and doing all the domestic bit for my father, who loved it, but who would actually enjoy and the weekends to help her with her tasks, for example, peeling the vegetables. They worked in harmony. So I tried to get Starman to start doing this, and do you know what? We had great fun! I wish I had asked him ages ago.

    He always makes the (log) fire in the evenings. But he will often ask me to put logs on and keep it going till bedtime.

    He will often ask me to iron the creases out of a shirt that has hung too long in the wardrobe.

    He will often ask my to post letters, pick up stamps, or do some banking for him.

    Just lots of little things Fireman, to help me feel useful. (I still hate the word submissive! even if that is what it truly is.)

    Whereas previously I would often grumble about these small things, I have noticed that now I am really glad to be asked, and usually take a delight in doing them for him.

    Sorry to have written so much on your blog, but perhaps it may give you a few ideas for yourselves. None of us want to be treated like servants. But we do so very much want to be "wanted and needed" in our everyday dynamic.

    Many hugs, Ami

    1. I agree. Wanted and needed :)

      And you are welcome to comment as much as you like! :) we love your comments :)

  3. For Michael and I, we find that his dominance feeds my submission and my submission feeds his dominance. It's all quite delicious when we're in sync with one another. ;) I love that Fireman left you such a wonderful comment and that you decided to turn it into a blog post with your thoughts/response added. There's definitely some good communication going on. :)

    1. We are definitely working on it!! :)

  4. Hi Ami, I love Fireman's comment. It sounds like you two are making some great strides :)

    I love doing these little things for Rick and 'serving' him. It makes me feel all submissive and 'squiffy'. Also, when he does little things for me it makes me feel loved and cared for which also makes me feel submissive. It works very much the same for us as Grace said above, we feed off each other. Totally yummy when we are in sync :)


    1. Haha, I think you were looking up at Ami's comment and typed her name instead of mine :)

      I agree!

    2. Oh my goodness, I must have done. I am so sorry Elle.

  5. I have always done things for Alex but I think I am more mindful and purposeful now. That is nice for both of us and he is appreciative. Two really good posts.

  6. Fireman is a good, loving, strong man who realizes that his care and love for you is as important as yours for him.

    I officially like you or husband, Elle. I suspect he and Will would get along very well. :)

    1. Thanks Elisa! :) I like him alright too ;)

      He was worried this post might be taken the wrong way. He asked mr if he had any negative comments last night and I said no! They love you, lol!
      Thanks so much :)

  7. Really interesting you two. I hadn't quite thought about it in this way. I think there are things that I do which help me to feel submissive and if MM were to all of a sudden demand that I stop doing them, I'd get confused. At the same time...he can sit me down and tell me to relax while he does some of my chores and while it is hard to do, obeying him in that moment flexes my submission muscles too.

    Will have to think more on this...thanks!

  8. I havent been able to read all the comments. I just wanted to add that even before ttwd, one of my biggest joys was doing little things for him. But, Im stubborn. I dont so much like when he asks lol. For me, Id rather it be something I just do to please him, not something that would be expected of me. So I totally relate to this post in that way.