I read that while shopping yesterday. We had been texting and talking a little of the morning, but at first it seemed to be going okay, then a serious roadblock. I felt like he wasn't getting what I was saying and I shut down. Completely.
He picked up on it. You are spiraling down and you have to freaking stop. He was right. 1,000 times right. I still couldn't hear it though. I needed a minute, or an hour in this case. I texted him back. I wanted to know everything else he thought. He texted a little, but I got busy and couldn't immediately text back like I wanted to.
One other thing he said that hit me hard... I'm honestly afraid to stop DD. I already feel like everything is the way in was before we ever started it. We discussed this while I was in the shower after my exercise class last night. He sat outside and we talked some. We were in the same small room and semi face-to-face, but it was hard. I don't want the two of us to only openly communicate through text. I'm glad we can do that during the day. We can figure out so much like that, but I want us to be able to figure things out in person, too.
Maybe, if need be, we need to follow what some of you do. I think Emi (Veiled Obsessions and maybe Ami (Ami's Star Song), too, do the talking in the spanking position. I can see how that
I'm a writer. I always have been. My essays and writing assignments in school were always the longest. Two-to-four page assignment? Mine was edited down to four. I can explain easier through writing. I can think about my words, edit, rewrite, explain better. I don't want to say the wrong thing.
He will always let me explain if I say the wrong thing to him, though. He's amazing in communication, if he can just get me there. I have a tendency to get stuck in my head (as you can very well tell from the last couple days and the rambling posts...). He can pull me out though. He is the only one who can fix it, he always has been. Even pre-dd. he just generally know how to deal with me. Now, I think it's easier for him.
After our really great talk (in person) last night, that was slow at the start, we actually got somewhere. He listened and understood what I need. He brought up good points from my blog that he read (which I am still so impressed that he did!!). I will be a better H. If that's not one of the sweetest things he's ever said :)
I asked him what he wanted to do. I didn't mean for that evening, I kind of just meant for the future, but he took it for the evening. I want you to bend over the couch. One, to prove that I'm in this. Two, because you have broken several rules. And three, you need the release. (Both of us keep forgetting our bedroom is free now that everyone is situated and the baby is in his room).
What, why? I do not! (I honestly did not see it coming, even though I definitely deserved it). He listed off reasons. Crap. They were all true. I asked for it to just happen tomorrow (today) since I wasn't feeling great. He let it go. I felt bad.
I asked him to come lay down with me. Neither of us had slept well the past few nights. I thought that was sweet when he told me earlier in the convo that he hadn't either. Usually, he goes right to sleep. While I don't like that he didn't sleep well, it did make me feel good that he was worried about us (no danger of either of us leaving, it was just that things had been So good. He didn't want that to end).
He climbed in our bed, but I had a change of heart. If we were going to do this, we were going to do it right. I said, if you really want to, we can. No, that's alright. I just stood there by the edge of the bed. He got up and went to get the implement(s!!).
What followed was the best one he's ever given. Tears. Hugs. More hugs.
We are back. Yay!
Thank you to everyone who responded and gave advice. I needed the good and bad. :) I'm glad I went on to write part 3. That's where my fireman made his comeback and everyone could see how wonderful he really is.