Friday, January 4, 2013

Apps, Tears... And a possible boot camp?

I'm so excited at how my fireman and I came through the rocky patch. I wasn't sure if our domestic discipline lifestyle would make it through (even though we both wanted it to). But, as I and so many others have said, communication really is key. I thought our communication had taken a huge leap when we first began ttwd, but now I know it was only a tiny step. We still needed need to work on our communication. That's probably always going to be something we need to work on. 

We are going to begin SitDDs, thanks to MrBB at A Domestic Discipline Society for suggesting I go back to the beginning and start reading all of the steps he has outlined. I've started a journal for us, it's an app, but what's suggested is a hard copy. I think my fireman and I are more technological and it will work better for us to adapt that suggestion to us. It's all about adapting domestic discipline ideas to fit you best. Definitely not one size fits all! :) 

I downloaded a password protected journal app where I can add pictures... Like the one he took of my behind last night after maintenance, add different entries, add lists, keywords, it's all very organized. It has a calendar format to see the dates easily. He can access it on his phone as well. Haven't completely figured that one out, but I will. 


I wrote an entry about my first punishment spanking of the new year (my amazing husband). My very first spanked to tears event. I was close one other time. I had snapped at him on my way out the door, which he really did not deserve and I had have been trying to work on that.  I remember it clearly and we were still very new (I know technically we are still new now, but this was freshly new, lol) to dd.  He said it was over, but I wasn't sure if it was. I wasn't sure how to handle it, so I didn't say much about it. It only came up way later and he said he wasn't sure how he would've felt about bringing me to tears at that point. 

I didn't think I needed the release like he said I did, but sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. He was right. I completely needed it. It didn't take a lot, his new way of administering was very effective. I probably had tears about 1/3 of the way through. I got to that point where I laid my head into the bed. Usually I just prop myself up on my elbows and keep my head up. Not this time. It started out that way, but it didn't end with me that way. You're finished. I scooted back carefully and just fell into his arms, tears streaming. This is exactly the response I was waiting on. He held me so tightly, still crying. Okay, probably bawling. 


You just can't take me to that place again. I know, I know. He nodded into my shoulder. He knew exactly what I meant. Not a physical place... That place in my head where I feel completely alone. I know he won't. If/when we have another rocky patch, I don't think it will be because of this. 

So, with our new beginning, we are contemplating a boot camp of sorts. Not any particular one, just adapting from online versions to fit us. He doesn't need help figuring out how to give spankings. His new way is perfect for us right now. He feels he needs to work on his consistency and also his mindset of being an HoH. He needs the confidence to know that he can make a decision. I suggested he pick something at random for me, but he's not sure what or where to start with that. I think he's limiting his mind. He's generally very creative, but this is so foreign to him. I honestly think its still hard for him to realize he really is in charge. 



I need help in the submission area. I think where he's so used to not making the decisions, I am used to it. I trust him, with everything.  I want him to know that I am truly his :) 

So, I'm trying to put together a pseudo-boot camp just for us. We already do maintenance, so that will be incorporated, and he has a few articles/ a short book  he wants me to read for homework, but I'm still formulating and researching other submissions (?) and ways for him to feel that he truly does have the power and control.  We are going to add in working on communication and working on our regular rules. 

It seemed easy, but it's much more difficult. I find some things, then I think omg, he is going to think I'm crazy for suggesting it (just like I thought when I suggested this whole idea of domestic discipline in the beginning lol). 

We are going to talk about it more. We've only discussed possibly doing something. At first, I was going to find info and put it all together so we could look at it with each other. Then after only a couple websites, I had so much info, I knew that wasn't going to work. 

We'll figure it out, but I'll also take any suggestions! :) 

Xo! 
Elle


20 comments:

  1. I just stopped by really quick to read and wow I missed a few posts!
    LOL
    Glad to see you guys are on track. We have never done any type of boot camp here, but we have explored different ideas and talked about combining a few things to be more in tune with "us"

    One thing that could be a possibility is maybe trying a "day of submission"?
    It doesn't have to be intense, or full of crazy requests, but maybe just a guide to finding submission and maybe dabbling in loss of control on your end and following His lead in all things for one day with no if's and's or buts....

    HA! I know I'd have a hard time doing that for sure!
    I'm still in the learning phase :)


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    1. That night be more of what I'm going toward!! But maybe a set of days instead of just one. I don't know. Lol. Still working it out in my head.. And I think we are talking about it today :)

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  2. Hi Elle..

    Was about to sign off when I saw your post..about boot camp.

    We have done several one day ones. Just to see how we went with them. They are good to get a feel of whether a boot camp would be good or not for you both.

    We are starting one tomorrow, a full boot camp. Plus we also have once a month a 'Boss Day' usually a Saturday that the Hoh has full control over everything. Not like boot camp, but just a day to get things, or keep things, on track.

    Hugs...so happy for you both that you came through this :)

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    1. Fireman might like that Boss day idea. I'll have to bring that up. Just read your post, but good luck again!

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  3. You have a very nice blog here, Elle. :)
    We have never done any kind of boot camp either, but if it works for you both, that is the goal.
    In the beginning of our dd lifestyle, Ian described the power struggle between he and I like driving a car with two people steering, and although I said I would let him drive, when ever I would get nervous or unsure of his driving, I would try to snatch back control. It seems to take a while for both spouses to understand that things have changed.
    Good luck, it sounds like you guys are doing wonderfully.
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. Thanks Lillie!! I didn't know I would love blogging this much!!

      That's a perfect description! It's probably that way here too. I want him to.. But if I felt nervous, id take it back. I'm working on it!! :)

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  4. Hi Elle, I'm so glad you guys are getting back on track again. Happy to hear. The sit down discussions and journal are great steps.

    I haven't done boot camp so can't really speak from experience but have researched quite a lot. I would humbly recommend this is not something you should consider right now. You are both new to ttwd, still working out what it means for you and developing in your roles. Boot camp can also be a very intense experience.

    What you can consider is picking one or two areas you wish to work on/change (eg communication, respect etc) and make them a real focus for a while with a zero tolerance for any lapses. That should help both enforce your roles and also help with consistency.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Yes yes, I like that idea too. That's probably more of what I'm talking about also, not a traditional type of scary boot camp. I know fireman wouldn't be into it and I know I wouldn't. Just reading some things posted, I know that much.
      I think we are more looking for a role affirmation type boot camp instead of the traditional multiple spankings crazy schedule type.
      Thanks for your input!

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  5. Feel free to email Ward or myself, either you or your fireman :) Daddy uses 'submission exercises' often to help me hold onto and deepen my submission. We'd be glad to answer any questions you might have. Ward_June@ymail.com. (((hugs)))

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    1. Thanks June! I definitely will. I realize why he has a hard trouble coming up with them. I did too and google didn't help, lol!

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    2. Juniebug -
      Please ask your hubby if he would consider posting on his submission exercises, I struggle with submission daily and exercises might help, and save my chubby posterior. :)
      hugs
      lillie

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    3. :) LillieBelle, I asked Daddy, and he said he'd be pleased to make a post for you .... but - ahem - *clears throat, clasps fingers together, looks at ceiling & recites* - there'll be no saving your chubby posterior, you'll have to take your spankin's & like 'em - *curtsies, big cheesy grin*

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  6. Do lots of research Elle. I've seen some good stuff on boot camp and some really scary stuff. If it is for you I'm sure it will be really helpful on your journey.

    Your journal sounds pretty cool.

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    1. There is some scary stuff out there! I can't understand why anyone would want to do some of it, but whatever works for you I guess!!
      I am a researcher. I research everything, so I'm definitely continuing the research on boot camp. It's just kind of hard to find!!
      Thanks Susie!

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  7. Hi Elle & Fireman, it's nice to hear you're waiting a while on possibly doing a boot camp thing and starting with building on communication skills and using the ADDS guide. I agree with using online tools to help. Actually, the first TiH List is what I suggested would be nice to have on paper so it can be put away saved and taken out on your first DDaversary. It turns out to be a nice reflection of how far a couple has come in the first year.

    Micro story: Sometimes a new HoH does realize they are in the leadership role and make the decision to move slowly and patiently forward. The new TiH wants to move along much more quickly and because of that the TiH thinks their HoH isn't confident. This all becomes worked out with time, patience, planning and communication. The moral of this tiny story? You two are doing great! You've taken the time to patiently start working on a plan while continuing to build your communication skills to move forward :)

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    1. Thanks MrBB!! Yes, I live the idea of taking it out to look at it on the anniversary. That's so sweet :) I have out original list we made in October, but it's on my phone. Of course, lol.

      Thanks! Yes.. After researching more I really don't think a specific boot camp is for us now (or ever probably) but maybe something to just tailor to us to work on what we want :)

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    2. Exactly... taking anything you read or hear and tailoring it together to become your own, is a great idea. And I agree with developing your own "day". It can be a day of submission, appreciation, experimentation or whatever combination you two come up with. Have a different DDday every month! It works :)
      And you can still write down your first TiH List and save it for your first DDaversary :)

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  8. I'm so glad you two have worked things out Elle. You have come a very long way in a very short time. Mr BB speaks such very good sense. I listen to him a lot. For me, boot camp would be over the top at the moment. (I'd probably never be able to walks again!) And I think some of it sounds very condescending like 'the woman can receive a severe spanking then be expected to prepare a NICE meal for them both'. Huh! Who wrote this stuff?!

    But the thought of a 'submissive' day would be good. Just to improve confidence on both sides, to get the 'feel' of each other. To work together. And especially to communicate. I now know not to rush these things.

    Hugs, Ami

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    1. Lol. Yea. I don't see any if that happening here. I mean certainly if he wanted it, I'd fix it or whatever. But I cannot see him giving me a severe spanking just because an outline online said to. We are going to talk about it today, so he may surprise me but I seriously doubt it, lol.

      I think the submissive day or weekend or whatever sounds great. Just to get into the right mindset, get closer, etc. :)

      Thank Ami!

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  9. Im not familiar with bootcamps, but Im going to look it up now! Some things I do to help us both is to sit on the floor by his feet without being asked. I also ask for his help and guidance. "Im having a hard time with this, can you help me". This reminds him that I want and need his direction.

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